Tuesday, August 31, 2010


"So, Mom?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Can I touch your chest place private parts?"

"What's up?"

"Why do ladies have bigger those parts?"

"Those parts are breasts. They are designed for feeding babies. Lots of animals feed their babies that way."

"People aren't animals, Mama."

"We are, Bud. We're mammals."


"I fed you like that when you were a baby. You don't remember?"


"Yes, Babe?"

"The truth is a robot cowboy."


Monday, August 30, 2010

The Word for the Day Is...

"So Mom? After this can we sit at my table and have lunch, you and me?"

"Sure. That sounds good."

"Yay! It'll be a jewbalunch."

"A jewbalunch?"

"Yeah. I heard it on Word Girl."

"That's not a real word, Babe."

"It is. The narrator said it."

"What does it mean?"

"Really so very happy. About lunch, I think."

"Maybe you mean jubilant."

"What does that word mean?"

"It means joyful, very happy."

"But not for lunch?"

"It could be but about lunch but it's not specifically about lunch."

"No. I'm jewbalunch."

"Me too, Bob."

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Smacksy Sunday Links

Letters of Note blog describes itself as "... an attempt to gather and sort fascinating letters, postcards, telegrams, faxes, and memos. Scans/photos where possible..." It's like uncovering buried treasure everyday.

Everything about this site whispers sweet, sweet nothings to my OCD.

Oh my, the kid in this video. The sweetness of the poem and the sweetness of the boy. I found this little guy in a post on SAS' Magical Mystery Tour. Do you follow her? This gorgeous red head is a Kiwi living in London. She posts things funny, personal, interesting, pretty and just last Friday some photos of delightful underpants. Follow away, I tell you.

Happy Sunday.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Smacksy Saturday Photo: Still Life With R-2s by Bob

Today I discovered 271 pictures in my iphone photo album. I had taken eight of them. The other 263 had apparently been taken by my son. #255 is a view of Bob's bureau from the vantage point of a small-ish child balancing on his bed pillows.

Have a great Saturday. If you need me, I'll be re-charging my phone.

Go Diego... Oh

One of Bob’s friends left a Go Diego Go cup at our place awhile back. No one claimed it so we merged it into our cup collection. We were especially fond of the Diego cup because of the tight fitting lid that allows for convenient use of Bob’s silly straw collection.

Three weeks ago, Jeff chipped his front tooth trying to get the lid off. I narrowly avoided a puncture wound using a small steak knife to jimmy the cap off. There was also a church key incident. I couldn’t bring myself to throw away The Diego Death Cup because due to the extremely tight fitting lid, there were no sour smelling milk spills on the rug or in the car or on our bed. This seemed like a fair trade off, even factoring in the cost of a replacement dental cap for Jeff.

My mom and Bob and I took a short road trip last weekend. Somewhere near Buttonwillow, we passed a bag of kettle corn around the car. Bob asked for some water. My mom pulled the dreaded Diego cup out of the snack bag. I warned her of the complexities of the sticky lid and its tendency to illicit violence. I then watched as she lightly twisted off the cap. Twisted off.

I am planning on getting her to double check the way we installed Bob’s new car booster seat. For everyone’s safety, I should probably have let her drive the rest of the way too.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Bob and Violet - The Latest

"I just want to carry you around all of the time until the end of the world... I just love you, Vi."

Wednesday, August 25, 2010


“Hey Mom? Did you know there’s a character on Word Girl named Captain Huggy Face?”


“He’s a monkey.”

“That’s sort of a great name. Can I call you Captain Huggy Bottom?”

“Um... No thanks, Mom... Just call me Star Wars Bob.”

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Deal

In exchange for 20 minutes of home haircut cooperation and minimal whining, Bob negotiated:

1 Episode of Max and Ruby

1 Apple/Grape Juice Box

10 Minutes of the Wow Wow Wubbzy Game On My Phone

2 Chocolate Coins Leftover From the PiƱata at J.P.'s Birthday Party

1 Lego Star Wars Snow Trooper Battle Pack

(Beauty does not come cheap.)

Monday, August 23, 2010

Proud Times

"Mom! Mom! Come here! Hurry! Fast! Please, Mom! Mom!"

"What? Where are you?"

"I'm in here! Mom hurry! Mom!"

"Where's here?"

"Bathroom, Mom! Please, hurry!"

"What is it, Honey? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine! Look! I had a spaceship poo!"

"What's a spaceship poo?"

"It's a poop that looks like a spaceship."

"Of course."

"Isn't it a beaut?"

"Yeah, Gramps. It certainly is."

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Um... OOPS

I'm so sorry everyone. The original post that went out with my swell Sunday Links had a link issue and there was a curse-filled hip hop song where the link to the cool photo collection was supposed to be.

Not good.

I have replaced the links but um... yeah, not good. Thanks for letting me know, you guys!

Smacksy Sunday Links

Here is an amazing photo collection that will make you realize that you are now becoming emotionally involved with nails.

My good dreams are art directed like the photos from Interior Alchemy. I am trying not to panic that this site has not been updated since July. Do not forsake me, oh unknown tumblr posting person.

This is :51 glorious seconds of penguins chasing a butterfly.

Happy Sunday

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Friday, August 20, 2010

That Guy

"Mom? Who is that guy?"

"That's Saint John the Baptist."

"Is he dead right there?"

"It's a sculpture. An artist named Rodin made him out of metal."

"He forgot the pants part."

"I think he did that on purpose."

"Privates parts are for private and he's in the yard."


"Not private."

Thursday, August 19, 2010


"Bob, where did I get such a nice little guy?"

"From God, Mom."

"Yeah. It was sort of a rhetorical question."

"But God made all of my parts and everything."


"You know where you got me, Mom."

"Yes I do."

"Then why did you ask me that if you already knew what the answer was? Mom, why did you ask me that? Did you forget you already knew, Mom?"

"I just mean that I love you and you are nice."

"Okay, but that's not what you said."

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Wherein I Defy My Actual MD

Me in the waiting room, holding a Bakugan. Photo by Bob Rosenberg

This is part two of this story.

The morning after our return to California, my injured foot was blue-ish, yellow-ish, swollen and grouchy. I was much the same. I couldn't ignore the pain anymore. Bob and I made the drive to the office of my real, non-internet doctor.

Dr. H is a brilliant man and I have been a patient of his for the past 19 years. I adore going to his office not just to see him but because the waiting room will surely offer an array of stars rivaling an episode of the Love Boat. Was that the cast of American Gladiators in the hallway? Yes it was. Was that Mr. T holding the elevator door for you? Indeed. Jeff Conaway coming out of the bathroom? You bet. Who needs to read People magazine while you wait for the nurse? Not me. People comes to life on the couch next to me and makes loud calls on an iphone. I love Hollywood.

Dr. H sums up my situation, “So you did this six days ago on a salon chair and are just coming in now. In that time, you have been doing a lot of walking and standing in high heels and you also went dancing?”

My son adds, "And it looks so much wuhrse."

“All correct.”

“Was there alcohol involved at least?”

“No, I still don’t drink, I just have poor judgment. But look at the great hair. Am I right?”


As I headed into the x-ray room a tiny, elderly man headed me off at the door and edged me back into the hall. The technician said, “Mr. De Laurentiis, Ms. Rosenberg is first. It will only take a moment. Please have a seat.”

“Meh,” said Mr. De Laurentiis as his beautiful wife laughed and led him away.

The x-ray showed that the bone was not broken. Dr. H guessed a stress fracture but did not want to put me through the experience of an MRI to confirm it, bless him. I was told to stay off my feet, elevate, ice and Ibuprofin. And wear a more supportive (ugly) shoe. And no high heels. And no dancing. I agreed, of course.

The next day I took Bob to the beach. We ran around in the sand. We chased waves and played Frisbee. My foot hurt but my hair? Still perfect. Dr. H called to check on me and I let the call go to voicemail.

I will ice and elevate my foot tomorrow. Really. And I will keep the dancing to a minimum. Probably.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Wherein I Defy WebMD

When the top of my left foot slammed into the bottom of the chair at the hair salon, it hurt but I was in too much of a hurry to give it a lot of thought. My foot was only bleeding a little and we were leaving town early the next morning and I hadn’t finished packing yet. There was no time allotted in my schedule for any type of injury.

I had read that the weather would be hot and humid while we were in New York. More importantly, it would be hot and humid while my hair was in New York. Humidity is not kind to my hair. Anything above 70% humidity transports my sleek do immediately back to 1986, a sporty style that would only be appropriate if I was into Whitesnake. While I have made many, questionable decisions over the years, being into Whitesnake, isn’t one of them. You know, yet.

My friend Karen, a living witness to my old 80's hair, had gently insisted that I get my roots done before my trip and also try the new “Brazilian Blow Out.” The Brazilian Blow Out is a three-hour hair procedure that promises to eliminate frizz and keep even those of us blessed with a Weird Al hair situation looking fabulous. As a bonus, my mom had mentioned to one of her friends that I was getting a “Brazilian” and I then got to explain to my mother, the difference between a Brazilian and a Brazilian.

By midnight, my newly glorious hair and I were zipping up Bob’s Thomas the Tank Engine suitcase. I had six hours to sleep before the trek to the airport. Conventional wisdom and my primary care physician, aka WebMd, suggested elevation, Ibuprofin and intermittent ice packs for my foot but I was tired. My hair was tired. I closed my eyes and I slept. My foot apparently, did not. When the alarm went off the next morning, I found that my throbbing, blue and swollen foot had taken on a life of its own: a life that would not fit easily into any cute shoes. "Not easily” is not the same as “will not” so I jammed the foot in and kept going.

The next four days were a blur of walking, running, stair climbing, standing, escalators, subways, cabs, planes, and dancing. Much of this done in high heels. I popped an Advil now and then but not once did I visit the ice machine down the hotel hallway and apply ice to my foot. The only time I elevated it was when I was sleeping and that was unavoidable. I was having a great time. I could not hear my foot screaming above the din of all of the New York fun we were having. And by “we” I mean me and my lovely hair and my other foot.

To be continued…

Monday, August 16, 2010

No, Really. I Took a Nap.

Yesterday, I took a nap. I'm sorry if that statement is confusing. I'm still trying to understand the whole thing myself. To clarify: Yesterday, I slept in the bed, in the daytime, for an hour, uninterrupted.

I know. Who do I think I am?

While I was drooling into my pillow, the men in my household were hard at work creating the next Star Wars movie entitled, The Next Star Wars Movie. Jeff's i-phone camera work has a refreshing NYPD Blue shaky cam quality while Bob's flair for dramatic dialogue is apparent. This :33 second masterpiece leaves many unanswered questions, leaving the door open for yet another sequel and/or prequel.

To help further their cinematic endeavors, I will now selflessly support the arts by planning a semi-regular nap.


Sunday, August 15, 2010

Smacksy Sunday Links

This video montage of soldiers coming home and surprising their loved ones... I would dare you not to cry but that would be silly because you should cry. Tears, gratitude, tears, gratitude...

We did a couple of coast to coast flights last week. I love this visual flight diary from artist Christoph Neimann's blog. I would like to see another one incorporating the special thrills of flying with a pre-schooler...

This is one minute and twenty-six seconds of a deer licking a cat. What's not to like?

Happy Sunday.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Sometimes It's Like Poetry

I feel good
Like the sky
And the day
And those chocolate pretend seeds
In the watermelon ice pop
~ Bob Rosenberg, 4

Thursday, August 12, 2010

What To Do in a Fancy Pants Grown Up Restaurant by Bob Rosenberg

1. You can tell a Fancy Pants Grown Up Restaurant (FPGUR) sometimes by the tablecloths because they have them and there are no trays that you put your own food on.

2. You can tell it's a FPGUR for sure if your mom keeps reminding you to use your "library voice" a whole lot.

3. At a FPGUR there is sometimes a snack before the food so that you don't want to eat your supper as much. Sometimes it's bread and butter and sometimes it's stuff you don't want sitting on some leaves.

4. You can get a burger sometimes or a grilled cheese at some places and those are good. Ask to get "fry-cans" with your burger. Your mom or dad will explain to the other grown ups that when you were the baby-of-you, you loved garbage cans so much and they were your favorite so the baby-of-you added the word "can" to everything and you still call fries, "fry-cans" and isn't that funny?

5. You already knew since you were a little kid, like last year or month, that french fries are called "french fries" made from potatoes but you should still call them "fry-cans" because you like to hear the story about the garbage cans and everything.

6. Slide under the table and look at feet and shoes.

7. After your dad makes you put your bottom back in the seat, drop some restaurant crayons or a Bakugan under the table and then they have to let you go back under the table and you can look at some more feet and shoes.

8. Get full with the bread snack and some butter chunks and then fall asleep with your head on your mom's lap. You will do dreaming and everything during all of the grown up talking and the really super long coffee part of dinner and that is really good.

9. When the FPGUR dinner is over you can get carried out by your dad and not even have to walk and then you can eat your burger at home on your Star Wars plate like normal.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Jet Lag, Mostly Lag

This photo was taken in what we'll call a "fun house mirror."
Also known as a "mirror."

I propose that the best way to gauge the extent of one's jet lag is by counting the number of stickers that one's four year-old son can successfully apply to one's usually fresh and dewy face while one is on the phone.

Poor, poor, "one."

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Identity Crisis

"Mom? Can you take this Queen Amidala picture from me? I am tired of holding it."

"No. Not right now. I'm driving."

"You need to take it now or I'm going to have to do backseat driving."

"What do you mean? Because you know I don't like your backseat driving you're going to do it?"

"Yes I am."

"So, you're threatening me?"

"Yes. It's a threat."

"Bobby, we don't threaten people to get our way. That is not nice or kind."

"It's only for bad guys?"

"Exactly. And you're not a bad guy."

"I'm a good guy."


"Sorry, Mom. I forgot."

Monday, August 9, 2010

The View From Here

"Uncle Dave? I'm organizing these things in my suitcase, Uncle Dave. Do you know what 'organizing' means, Uncle Dave?"

"Tell me, Bob."

"It means where you put everything back in its right place."

"Right. See my office here? I'm extremely organized."

"I can tell, Uncle Dave. Look, your whole body is organized by God."

"Good one, Bob."

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Smacksy Sunday Links

Star Wars themed patio breakfast picnic. Obviously.

This NY Times article tells of those who put themselves on a "wardrobe diet" by wearing a wardrobe consisting entirely of six pieces for a month, with interesting results. I wear the same six things all the time. My new resolution: I am going to start referring to my wardrobe situation as a "simplicity project," instead of what it really is, "from the floor pile of previously worn wrinkled stuff that passed the sniff test."

This collection of photos featured in the Denver Post, is fascinating. I lifted this description from the article: These images, by photographers of the Farm Security Administration/Office of War Information, are some of the only color photographs taken of the effects of the Depression on America’s rural and small town populations. It is startling to see photos from this era in color instead of black and white. Beautiful.

And if you are not totally enamored with this whole thing, then I just don't know you like I thought I did.

Happy Sunday.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Smacksy Saturday Photo: On the Subway

"Mom? What if the train forgets to stop at our stop that is the stop we want to get off at? Were we supposed to stop already? What if we have to walk back and then maybe we got on the wrong train. Dad? I should tell them about our stop."

(Yes. Apparently it is possible to backseat drive on the subway.)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

How to Earn the Nickname "Grandpa" at Four Years-Old

While eating cantaloupe remark that it is, "Such a lovely melon."

When at home, insist on wearing sweatpants instead of "regulars."

Pull the waistband of your at-home sweatpants up to your nipples.

When a passenger in a car, worry loudly from the backseat that, "we are lost and going too fast."

When you drop your light saber whisper under your breath, "For the love of Pete."

Shun unheated swimming pools, but enjoy some "relax time" in the hot tub.

Fall asleep during reruns of JAG.

Answer the phone by putting the call on speaker phone and shouting "Hello? Hello? Who is this?"

Grunt when getting in and out of the car.

When dining at Shaker's Coffee Shop, order "the usual."

Have your folks bless you with the name, Bob Rosenberg.

Hey, Lady

"Was that big lady alive before, Mom?"

"No, Bob. That's a statue."

"But the statues at the Natural Mystery Museum used to be alive."

"The animals at the Natural History Museum are different."

"Because they are made out of dead animals that used to be alive but now they are dead and statues?"

"Um, yeah? Yeah. Yes."

"And the big lady statue was not a lady?"

"No. A sculptor made her out of metal."


"Yes, Buddy?"

"She has really, really big parts."

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Not the End of the World

"My guys at the park said they were going to destroy the world, Mom."

"They were just pretending."

"No, they meant it and it was real not pretend."

"Your guys don't have that kind of power, Honey. They were pretending."

"No. It was real and if they destroy the world then that means they will destroy me and you."

"That's not going to happen, Babe."

"And snacks, Mom. They will destroy all of the snacks and lunches and everything."

"Now that, would be a tragedy."


"Mom? May I get another cookie? The coconut kind with the chocolate?"

"No, Babe. You've already had two this morning. You can have another one after lunch."

"But Mom!"

"I said no, Bob."

"Mom! You are making me so mad! I am so super frustrated at you right now, Mom!"

"I understand that you're disappointed but that seems like a bit of an overreaction."

"I am going to throw this towel and kick my chair!"

"Think about it, Bob. Make a good choice."

"I want to make all bad choices!"

"Just like Mama in the 80's."


"Okay, fine. And the 90's."

Monday, August 2, 2010

At the Museum

The Triumph of Virtue and Nobility Over Ignorance, c. 1740-50
Giovanni Battista Tiepolo

"Mama, why are those babies falling?"

"They aren't falling, they're flying. See their wings? They're angels. Baby angels are called cherubs or putti."

"Why are their arms up?"

"They're helping, I think."

"Helping the good guys?"

"You could say that."

"Are they happy? I don't know if they're happy with those faces."

"I think they are doing their jobs."

"You call me, 'putti' sometimes."

"I do."

"I don't have wings."

"You do to me, Putti."

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Smacksy Sunday Links

Mila's Daydreams has been making the rounds this week as it should, because it is adorable. My friend Jennifer emailed it to me, @OHmommy tweeted the link and Marija blogged about it too. It is cute and clever and just go there.

Jeff has been obsessed this week with this video of a subterranean ant colony. (I teased him mercilessly about it but it really is fascinating.)

We're headed back east this week and this classic has been running through my head.

Happy Sunday.