Wednesday, January 30, 2013

10 Reasons You're Glad I Didn't Blog In My 20s

20-Year-Old Lisa by Stuart Vance, 1984

You might have tired of reports of my hostessing gig at the Red Onion and the injustice of my having been fired especially after I wore that rented Easter Bunny costume and hopped down Cannon Drive in Beverly Hills passing out brunch coupons. (Like, those jerks at corporate down in Carson make it all so political.)

I preferred solo Sting to Sting of The Police and we may have parted ways over that.
I'm so sure.

Fun Fashion Updates! Liquid eyeliner, half shaved head, Boy George braids, ear cuff.

You might not have agreed with all of the Reasons Why David Bowie Should Be My First Husband, but that's another list entirely.
Related: Blog Instant Audio Feature.

Maybe you're the one who wouldn't enjoy meaningful daily quotes from Hermann Hesse's  "The Glass Bead Game," and "Siddhartha." What-ever.

Perhaps you wouldn't have been interested in dispatches from my summer as a "Background Actor/Connie Sellecca's Hair Photo Double" on the set of ABC's night-time drama, "Hotel."

Bra top, lace leggings, bolero jacket, single glove.

Let the bangs grow out? Keep the bangs? Let the bangs grow out? Keep the bangs? Let the bangs grow out? Keep the bangs? Let the bangs grow out? Keep the bangs?

For some reason, you may not have been into the Where In Hollywood Did My Vespa Break Down This Week? photo series. I'm so totally sure.

Vintage slip, flannel lumberjack shirt, Doc Martins, your boyfriend.

*   *   *

You guys? Twelve of my delightful bloggy girlfriends thought of
their 10 Reasons too. Visit their blogs (linked below)
and, like, completely thank me later:

Earth Mother just means I'm dusty

The Future

"Mom next year is two-thousand-fourteen, right?"


"You know, in three-thousand-fourteen I'll just be a funny memory."

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Little Bride

"Mom, today at school Su-Hyun said that she and Mateo are going to get married when they grow up."

"She did? What did Mateo say about that?"

"He said that it was too early to be thinking about it but I think he was maybe a little embarrassed that she told everyone already."

"Well, he was right. It's a little early to be deciding about marriage."

"I hope Delilah didn't hear about it."


"This is the kind of information that makes her get all crazy. She's a little crazy, mom."

Monday, January 28, 2013

Same Same

"Mom, what are you watching?"

"The SAG Awards pre-show."

"What show is the SAG Awards Pre?"

"The pre-show is where we get to see the dresses that all the ladies are wearing to the awards show."

"That's still on? You've been watching that show for weeks."

"This is a different awards show."

"So it's the same ladies doing the same things but in different dresses?"


"It's okay if I don't watch that dresses show with you right, Mom?"

Friday, January 25, 2013

A Morning

It rained hard over night on Wednesday. On Thursday morning, Daisy was on strike and refused to go outside in the damp cold to do her morning business. She climbed up on to the couch, seemingly determined to "hold it." I left the living room to pour another cup of coffee. A few minutes later, Bob ran into the kitchen and informed me that there was a "house poo" and that it was in the living room.

I returned to find Daisy back on the couch, a doggy deuce on the floor near the fireplace. I grabbed some tissues and picked up the prize. As I walked, my left foot caught a rope dog toy and I slid sideways, coming down hard on my knee and my hip. Poo went flying. I rolled over on to my back. Something caught my eye. Bob ran to my side.

"Mom! Are you okay?"

"I'm not sure."

"That poo is really close to your face right now."

"It is."

"You should get up instead of just laying there."

"I should."

"Have you ever had dog poo that close to your head before, Mom?"

"Not really."

"I bet it's super gross."

"You would win that bet, Bob."

I used to like rain. I still like my dog, mostly.

Thursday, January 24, 2013


"Are we going to the park now, Mom?"

"Yeah, but when it's time for us to go home I don't want any meltdowns or negotiations. Deal?"



"But what if I forget the deal?"

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

And It's Another Word for Happy

"Mom, you said before that gay was a bad word, right?"

"No. It's a fine word. I said you just don't use it as if it's a bad word, like to take the place of some bad word. Gay is good."

"What does it mean again, exactly?"

"It means when men love other men or women love other women in a couple kind of way. People love who they love and that's a very good thing."

"Like Miss Mary and Miss Belva next door? They're married."

"No, they're sisters. They're not married."

"Oh, you mean like Gavin's dads? Gavin at my school?"


"Mom? Are you gay?"

"No, I'm not."

"And you're loving a man, that's dad. Okay, so you mean like that guy Jeff Lewis on the Flipping Out show and his boyfriend Gage?"

"Yes. That's right."

"Gay is even in Gage's name, Mom."

"I think that's just a coincidence."

Getting Well

"Mom. I don't get it. How does a taco make you sleep all day?"

"I ate a bad taco and I was up all night feeling sick so it made me tired and sleep all day."

"Why did you get that kind of taco then?"

"I didn't know it was bad when I had it."

"Mom, I'm starting to think tacos just aren't for you. Watch - I'm going to make some funny faces for you since you don't feel good. I've been practicing."

Monday, January 21, 2013

Happy Birthday

Bob decided that we should celebrate Dr. King's birthday with a cake. He and Mr. Rosenberg made a carrot cake. We will say thank you and celebrate a great man. And a new tradition is born in our house.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Smacksy Sunday Links

A lovely essay on how to savor life by Leo over at Zen Habits.

Thanks to my friend Tedd for introducing me to Jake Bugg.

And an awesome ninja cat.

Happy Sunday.

Friday, January 18, 2013


"Mom, who's your favorite Hobbit?'


"No really, Mom."

"Sam, I guess?"

"Who are your other four favorite hobbits?'


"Sam's the only one you can remember, isn't he?"


"Now, you're not even trying, Mom." 

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Coffee Alias

"... so that's a grande soy latte? And your name?"


"Thanks, Page. Here's your change."

"Mom, your name's not Page."

"Yes it is."

"Your name's Lisa."

"My Starbuck's name is Page."

"Can I have a Starbuck's name?"


"I'm going to be Ozzy Osbourne from Black Sabbath."

"Ozzy's a good name."

"No, not just 'Ozzy.' It's Ozzy Osbourne from Black Sabbath."

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

His Press Kit

"Mom, I had to use the camera on your phone again."

"Had to?"

"Yeah, I was taking pictures for the album cover for my band when I'm in high school - remember Dynamite Menace? It's mostly pictures of me doing some of my karate moves."

"You're really planning in advance."

"It's not that far away, Mom."

Tuesday, January 15, 2013


 "Mom, Desmond got a new tadpole in the mail today."

"Very cool."

"Yeah, it even has part of a leg already. I was thinking we should get a goldfish, you know, to replace Violet."

"I don't know if anything could replace the cat."

"Yeah we can name him Max and he can live in my room because he'll probably be a boy. Not so cuddly, but more swimmy."

Monday, January 14, 2013

The Switch Off

Mr. Rosenberg and I switched closets tonight. Now he has the small one in Bob's room and I have the tiny bit less small one in our room. Part of the trade-off is that Daisy has chosen our bedroom closet (my new closet) as the place to set up her bed. This means my clothes will soon take on the Daisy scent. You will now know me by my distinct aroma of coffee, Chanel No. 5, and Fritos. Enjoy.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Smacksy Sunday Links

Some cute folks having a hard time getting the words right.

Wilco, Nick Lowe and the amazing Mavis Staples rehearsing The Weight. Super great.

And a sweet dog teaches a puppy how to go down the stairs. *Puppy alert.

Happy Sunday.

Friday, January 11, 2013


"Mom, why do you have two harmonicas in your purse?"

"I'm not really sure."

"There's a lot of crayons in here too."

"I bet."

"And a little plastic ninja, and tissue Kleenexes, and some paper notebooks, and a hole punch, and your glasses, and your other glasses, and a sunscreen thing, and what's this thing called?"

"That's a barrette for my hair. Are you done in my purse?"

"No. There's still more stuff and I didn't find your phone yet."

"My phone's on the kitchen counter."

"The kitchen counter's inside your purse too? Ha ha! Good one, right Mom?"

Thursday, January 10, 2013


"Mom? Why are you all up in my face?"

"I'm taking our picture."

"That's weird. Can I have a glass of milk?"

"Don't you want to say 'cheeeese?'"

"No, I want to say 'miiilk.'"

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

On Loss

Many people I know are having hard times with losses right now - loves lost through various means. I read that there is a “break-up corridor” between New Year’s and Valentine’s Day when more relationships fail than any other time of year. I don’t know the cause but it does seem to be heartbreak season. In consoling friends, I’ve given a lot of thought lately to endings and the new beginnings that come from them.

I know about complicated relationships with complicated people and complicated endings. There are some things that helped me... and continue to help me.

I had to acknowledge that for me, a heartbreak of any kind is a death, the loss of something or someone present, yes, but also the loss of the future I will never get to have. Letting go of that future and the life I had imagined for myself was incredibly difficult. I was left without that future and left without a direction. Like the loss of an arm, I will never be the same but I have learned how to live with the loss and how to get around in the world with one good arm. That phantom limb syndrome is a bitch, though – sometimes even twenty-five years later.

It can be gut wrenching to hear the word, “no,” whether you are hearing it come from your mouth or a mouth that you love. Bad timing is another way the universe has of saying “no” or “not now” and the what-ifs and second-guessing that go with that are treacherous country.

People may tell you that time, just time, will help. I have not found that to be true. I have had to work at it. I worked at re-framing the experiences little by little. I allowed myself to be sad about them and know to some degree, I always will be. My experiences in loss have made me a more vulnerable person and this in turn has made me a better woman. The life I have now is amazing and I would never have gotten here if things had played out even a tiny bit differently.

Therapy helps. Friends and family help. Faith helps. Writing helps. Dark chocolate helps. And thank God for sad songs and anti-depressants. If you are in a bad spot right now, I believe the universe does not want you to be lonely. The universe wants you to be happy. You will be happy, but first you won't be. This I believe with all my mended heart. 

Tuesday, January 8, 2013


"Mom, am I ever going to get rid of this cold?"

"You will. I promise."

"But how do you know?"

"I know things."

"You don't know everything."

"No, but I know this."

"You don't know about those new Lego Chima sets very much."

"Pretty sure those two things aren't related."

"That's good. I mean, really."

Monday, January 7, 2013


He woke up at 2:40am Saturday with that distinctive seal-bark cough. Bob had croup and was having trouble taking a breath. Taking him into the cold night air was the best thing I could do for his wheezing, according to my old pal, WebMD. We left Jeff and the dogs in bed and I bundled Bob up in a puffy coat over his pajamas. We got in the car for a slow drive around the neighborhood.

Bob was very brave. He took big gulping breaths, holding his head out the window like a Labrador. His breathing eased. We toured the nearby streets. We drove past Bob's school and Clementine's house. We drove past Sabine's, and Micah's, Desmond's, Felix's, Ferruccio's, and Cleo's grandma's place. We pictured our friends, sleeping in their beds. We talked about who in the neighborhood still had their Christmas lights up and who turns off their porch light at bedtime. We sang along to songs on the radio. We cruised.

We came back and had a drink of water. I set up the vaporizer next to the bed and and as Bob fell back to sleep he whispered, "Mom, I love you." Our dog Teddy crawled up and rested his head on the pillow next to Bob's. It was a regular night again. Soon, we were dreaming.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Smacksy Sunday Links

Wonderful thoughts about confidence and failure from Kelle Hampton.

Loveliness from a 92-year-old travel blogger.

And I'm loving watching these kittens while they watch ice skating.

Happy Sunday.

Friday, January 4, 2013


"Who took 87 pictures of himself on my phone?!"

"I don't know... Was it Dad?"

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Rocking So Hard

"My band is going to be rock and roll like Black Sabbath but with some dance music and disco and a little jazz. Felix and Ringo and Cleo and Brandon can be the drummers. Micah can play the bass and Muan can do keyboards. Me and Desmond and Clementine and GeonHee can do guitars and I'm going to sing and do dancing and Sabine and Ferruccio might do dancing too. We'll be called 'Dynamite Menace.'"

"Our first songs are going to be called:
Dynamite Menace
I Say: No Victory
Magic of the Grave
(I'll tell you the story later, Mom.)
Wolf War

Robot Suit
We might do a country song too but I'm not sure yet. That's a maybe."

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Another Day at the Shire

"So, Mom, while you were gone me and Dad watched Lord of the Rings on TV. It was super cool."

"I saw it once but I don't really remember what it's all about."

"It's about these little guys who have breakfast and then after that they have second-breakfast."

"That's it?"

"No they have lunch, second-lunch, dinner, and second-dinner too."

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Into the New Year

Wishing you a beautiful new year of clean starts and messy kisses and lots of your favorite thing. Your favorite thing is whatever you thought of first when you read that - possibly lemon meringue pie, or kitten breath, or the ocean, or ice tea on a hot day. Whatever your best thing is, I wish you all of the that you can handle. Go for that.

Happy New Year.