Wednesday, April 30, 2014

A Little Polite Dinner Conversation



Bob and I went to dinner. We discussed many things.

The tallest man in the world (Sultan K√∂sen 8 ft 3 in Ankara, Turkey)
leading to
Multiplication tables
leading to
How I met Aunt Jen
leading to
The LA Riots
leading to
Baseball practice
leading to
Minecraft diamond pickaxe 
leading to 
The Hope Diamond
leading to
Why I don't think Bob will be receiving The Hope Diamond for his birthday
leading to 
Mushy honeydew melon
leading to 
Yes, a person probably can eat too many vegetables, but you are not in any danger
leading to
The kids in that one neighbor family that all have curly hair
leading to
Do I drink too much coffee
leading to
Check please.


Tuesday, April 29, 2014

My Spot



At certain times of day, the rush hours of morning and evening, our street is busy with foot and car traffic. I'm familiar with the regulars: the joggers, the dog-walkers, the stroller pushers. The drivers who mistake the cross walk for a stop sign and the drivers who hit their brakes behind them, pounding the horn. That one hummingbird who comes to the jasmine by the front door. The cyclists and the skateboarders and the older couple headed to the park to practice qi gong in the grass. I count on them to populate my view of sunrises and then again when the sun's going down. I'm seeing all of them, which means that at least some of them see me as a regular too.

When the light is right, I see a reflection of myself, what they see. The lady in the window at 6am, face lit up by the glow of the computer screen. Mid-morning and there I am, chin in hand, staring out the window, holding a cup of coffee, lost in thought. And then, there I am sitting under a chandelier in my pajamas. I'm that lady trying to get my dog to stop barking at the window by offering him a cookie. Don't I know that's the worst way to train a dog? Then I am joined at the table by my son, by my husband. There I am pacing the kitchen talking into my cell phone. Evening comes and then all that is seen is the profile of me, reaching into the refrigerator or facing the stove. Then I'm at the table, my spot welcomes me back. Are those still pajamas? Is that the same cup of coffee?

Annie Dillard, famously said, "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." I spend much of my morning and evening life in this chair, at this table, writing, and thinking, and watching.



Monday, April 28, 2014

Here We Go Dodgers, Here We Go


"Mom, I saw a guy do a bunt at the game."

"Is that right?'

"Yeah. I did a bunt this one time. It worked out pretty well."


Friday, April 25, 2014

Veg-A-Something



"Mom? I'm going to be a vegetarian now. I don't like eating nature."

"You mean animals?"

"Yeah. Can I still have eggs?"

"Yes."

"What about chicken? I'll be vegetarian except for chicken."

"Okay."

"Oh, but on Sunday? I'm gonna have a hot dog at the Dodger game.



Thursday, April 24, 2014

Pro Lingo


"So, Mom? In handball 'tapping' is when you throw the ball at the wall, well first you have to beat everyone that's playing in the court three times. You can 'tap' things that aren't in the game like 'black magic,' is when you miss the ball when you're gonna hit it and if you say 'black magic' it's a re-do. If it hits your shoe it's called a 'shoeshiner' and if it hits your body it's called a 'bloody block.' There's 'savies' and then there's 'hardies'  when you go really hard. 'Bullets' mean you're out. If you hit it over the wall it's called a 'parrot' and you're out if you do that. 'Waterfalls' are like when the ball goes down like a waterfall, like this. See? It's pretty easy."



Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Whoopee


"Mom, this whoopee cushion Aunt Jen got me is so cool!"

"It is."

"Listen to this one."

"Nice."

"Now this one."

"Cool."

"This is going to be a really good one."

"Perfect."

"This is going to be a super juicy one."

"Okay, now."

"I could do this forever!"



Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Like A Room Without A Roof


I caught myself being happy the other day. Not that I'm happy infrequently, but I'm sure I don't always notice when I'm in The Happy enough to really enjoy it, take in the details, and feel the warm wash of gratitude.

I was in a school bus last Wednesday with other chaperones, teachers, and thirty-four shrieking first graders. We were going back to school after a field trip to Wilderness Park. We were all tired and dusty. I was sharing a seat with my son and his friend. I overheard enough of their conversation to know that they were giggling about something involving farts. I looked around at the other parents, a number of whom have become friends. I took in the loud excited energy, unique to a busload of seven-year olds.

While we were on the freeway, we pulled up next to a semi-truck. The kids yelled, "Horn! Horn! Horn!" and pumped their arms. The truck driver was kind enough to blow his horn for them. The kids lost their minds, screaming and cheering.

At that moment, I was happy.



Monday, April 21, 2014

And We're All Just Fine


We had a lovely Easter at our place yesterday. We were joined by some great friends and much food was consumed. At one point, Teddy got ahold of a piece of raw vegan fudge I had made, one of the main ingredients of which is cacao powder. I was then told by my friends that cacao is on the top of the list of things that are poisonous to dogs.

Jeff immediately took Teddy to the 24-hour pet hospital where they induced vomiting in Ted and then gave him something to settle his stomach. The round trip took them less than 45 minutes. Teddy was a little tired but he was going to be fine.

Just so you can say you read it somewhere, following is a list of foods that are poisonous to dogs that I got from the Humane society:

  • Alcoholic beverages 
  • Apple seeds 
  • Apricot pits 
  • Avocados
  • Cherry pits
  • Candy (particularly chocolate—which is toxic to dogs, cats, and ferrets—and any candy containing the toxic sweetener Xylitol) 
  • Coffee (grounds, beans, and chocolate-covered espresso beans)
  • Garlic
  • Grapes 
  • Gum (can cause blockages and sugar free gums may contain the toxic sweetener Xylitol)
  • Hops (used in home beer brewing) 
  • Macadamia nuts 
  • Moldy foods 
  • Mushroom plants 
  • Mustard seeds 
  • Onions and onion powder 
  • Peach pits 
  • Potato leaves and stems (green parts) 
  • Raisins 
  • Rhubarb leaves 
  • Salt 
  • Tea (because it contains caffeine) 
  • Tomato leaves and stems (green parts) 
  • Walnuts 
  • Xylitol (artificial sweetener that is toxic to pets)
  • Yeast dough

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Friday, April 18, 2014

Judging


"Mom? Who's your favorite American Idol judge? Mine's Keith Urban because he seems nice."

"I like Harry Connick Jr."

"You just like Harry Connick Jr because he's smart and funny and handsome and tall. Like dad."



Thursday, April 17, 2014

Field Tripping


"Mom? Remember how at the field trip today we kept walking up that super steep hill and then in circles over and over? That was weird. And what about that dead mouse we saw by that driveway? How do you think he died? He didn't look eaten or anything. Remember when all the kids in your group ran in different directions? That was awkward. You were funny how you kept saying, "If you can hear me clap once! If you can hear me clap once!" over and over. Remember on the bus when all the kids were trying to guess your age? Remember? That was an awesome field trip."



Wednesday, April 16, 2014

The Drive (Dayenu)

Max Goldfish, the Jewish Beta

"Mom? It's already time to get up and we barely just went to sleep! Passover at Cousin Joannie's kept us up super late, right?"

"Indeed."

"Did you get lost in your car because me and Dad almost did because they were working on the road and there were big arrow signs and lights and trucks and we had to take a different freeway to get home."

"I didn't get lost but it was pretty confusing. I was following you guys but then I didn't see you."

"Yeah, we ended up in this lane that wasn't moving at all. Dad said it was for no reason and then I said, "You people are bad drivers!" really loud. Dad said I had a thing called 'backseat-road-rage.'"



Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Man in the Moon


"Hey, Bob there's a lunar eclipse tonight."

"What's that?"

"It's when the earth is directly between the sun and the moon, aligned exactly."

"Cool."

"Yeah, it's happening around 2:30 in the morning. Should we all get up to see it?"

"Well Mom, you can set an alarm for yourself but I need my sleep. I'm a growing boy."




Monday, April 14, 2014

Two New Things


Hi Favorites.

I've got two new things to tell you about.

First, I am excited to tell you that some of my writing has been included in a new humor anthology. I'm in great company in this collection of stories we've written about our moms. Buy a copy or two and boom, you're done with your Mother's Day shopping. You're welcome.




Next, because my new raw/vegan situation has brought a lot of questions and curiosity, I have started a blog just about that topic. I've found that eating raw/vegan doesn't have to be time consuming or expensive and my body is already starting to thank me in many ways. You can follow along as I wade into this new lifestyle at   www.MyRawBlog.com

Thanks, guys. I mean it.



Sunday, April 13, 2014

Smacksy Sunday Links

Sa-wing and a double.

A tiny film about two ladies flying for the first time. I'm in love with them.

Materialsim, minimalism, and immortality symbols.

A brilliant tour of British Isle accents.

Beck is sounding all grown up and everything. I like it.

And puppies and their tiny stuffed animals cuddling at nap time. Omg you guys. This is everything.

Happy Sunday.



Friday, April 11, 2014

Game Plan


"So, here's my plan for practice, Mom. I'm going to catch really good. I'm going to throw super far. I'm going to hit the ball extra, extra far and then I'm gonna get a home run because I'm going to Usain Bolt it around the bases."




Thursday, April 10, 2014

Accommodations


"Mom? What's your favorite hotel?"

"In the world?"

"Yeah. In the world."

"I stayed at a fancy-pants hotel in London once called the Dorchester that was really nice. There was a place that I stayed in Venice, Italy that was pretty cool. What about you?'

"I really like that Days Inn in Fresno with the little fridge in the room. It had a pool too."



Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Ahem


"So, Alessandro our car is really old."

"Really? How old is it, Bob?"

"It was made in 1996."

"Wow, that's super old. Well, my mom was born in 1987."

"My Mom was born in 1964 that's why she's almost FIFTY years old, right Mom?"






Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Good Medicine


My great grandmother, Albinita Mares

On Sunday, I went to my friend Karen's home to meet Russell FourEagles, an Indian medicine man. Russell lives in Wisconsin but travels to California a handful of times a year for healings. I had never met a medicine man before but I had heard that his work was miraculous. I wanted to experience it and see what he had to offer. 

A slight man, dressed in shorts, a t-shirt and a bandana tied around his head, Russell burned sage and waved it around me with a fan made of feathers. After I settled onto a long table, not unlike a massage table, he began waving a hand up and down the length of my body, not touching me. One of his first questions for me was, "What nation are you from?" 

"Mescalero Apache," I answered.

"I could tell from your DNA," he said. 

We were off to a good start. My great grandmother, Albinita was Mescalero. An orphan, she was raised by the Indians at San Miguel Mission in New Mexico. Albinita had nine children. One of them was my paternal grandfather, Nelson. I wondered if she had ever visited a medicine man.

I was grateful that I wasn't bringing any ailments with me to the healing. I told him that I was just checking in for a tune-up. He confirmed that I was doing well. 

"And you're good. Why are you doing so good?" he said.

"Because I'm happy."

He said that I was happy now but there were times when I was extremely unhappy. I agreed. He explained to me about the "heart box," an area in the center of our chest where we carry pain and disappointment. He talked me through the steps of a fire ceremony for cleaning out my heart box; this was homework that I would do by myself, later.

He asked how I was with alcohol. I told him that I was great with it since I stopped drinking it twenty-six years ago. He asked how I was before I stopped. I told him that I was a mess. We talked about how people of Native American descent are genetically at a disadvantage when it comes to metabolizing sugar and alcohol. His hand never stopped moving back and forth.

I told him that I had been eating raw vegan lately. 

"That's good. You know the Indians have a term for 'vegan.'"

"What's that?" I said.

"Bad Hunter."

We talked about Indian history. He told me the story of how his Oneida grandfather came to the United States from Canada. He told me that he thought it was funny that people called what he did "alternative medicine" because what he does has been around so much longer than western medicine, he thought of western as the real "alternative."

I have friends who met Russell and were sent home with lists of herbs and teas to take for various ailments. Some were told to call him so that he could do further healings with them over the phone. This modern medicine man uses a cell phone as one of his healing tools. 

If you'd like to learn more about Russell FourEagles, and see him at work, you can go to this Kickstarter site where a pair of film makers are working on a documentary about him. 

Until tomorrow,
- Lisa "Bad Hunter" Rosenberg










Monday, April 7, 2014

Back Behind the Handlebars


"Mom? How come you never ride your bike?"

"I'm a little scared, I guess."

"Of what, crashing?"

"Yeah, falling."

"Seriously, Mom? You jumped out of a plane and you weren't scared."

"But I had a parachute and I was attached to a guy who knew what he was doing. On the bike there's just me and the pavement."

"Mom, it's time to face your fear."






Saturday, April 5, 2014

Smacksy Saturday Photo: Minecrafting


This is the only view I would ever see of these guys if I didn't set the screen-time timer.





Friday, April 4, 2014

He Has So Much to Teach


"Whoa, Mom. Did you see me get that zombie? I'm so beast!"

"You're what?"

"Beast. It's like when you do something awesome, you say you're beast."

"Okay."

"Mom, I guess I just taught you a word."

"You did indeed."

"Shouldn't you be the one doing the teaching?"





Thursday, April 3, 2014

Target Practice


"So, Mom. You know how when I was really young, like five,  I used to make my Lego sets and then break them  all up and apart? Now when I get sets, I'm just going to build them and put them on my shelf. I made it a display case. Maybe I'll shoot one of these lasers sometimes. Like this one. Like that. Oh. Are you okay, Mom? I wasn't really aiming at you. Are you sure? Do you need a Bandaid or something? I can kiss it for you."

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Crazymaker


"You're not right, Mom."

"I think I am."

"Well, you're not."

"Okay, you do it however you'd like. It's all up to you."

"I know I'm right... You still don't think I'm right?"

"I know you're not right."

"You aren't though."

"You asked my opinion. I'm not changing my mind."

"Okay, Mom. You're leaving me no choice but to disagree with you."


Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The Poultice


"Mom, this spider bite on my finger is puffy."

"It's going to take a couple of days for it to go down."

"Can't you put something on it? It's hard to make a fist. How am I going to play handball?"

"Let's go to Von's and see if we can find some meat tenderizer. That should take the swelling down."

"Okay but how much of it do I have to eat?"

"No, we'll put it on your finger."

"Oh, and then I eat it off my finger?"