Thursday, March 31, 2016

Call the Mechanic

"Did you hear that, Bob?"

"The station wagon is making a weird noise."

"Darn. It is."

"Yeah, it's like this car is a giant butt on wheels and it's letting out a -"

"Do not finish that sentence, Bob Rosenberg."

"I speak only the truth, Mom."

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Hello, It's Me

When Bob walks in the door, Teddy meets him there and follows him through the house. When Mr. Rosenberg walks in the door, Teddy loses his mind and jumps around the living room. When I walk through the door, Teddy stays put where he is. He doesn't look up. If I say his name more than ten times, he might raise an eyebrow in my direction.

I don't know why I'm the low one on the totem poll. It has always been this way. I don't get it. Ted and I are close. We spend most of our days together. He spends most of the night on my side of the bed. Maybe I'm just old news.

It's been a few years now and I'm still trying to get on the list.

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Playground Athletics

"Felix! Did you tell him, Desmond?"

"Tell him what?"

"That you played foursquare today!"

"Oh, yeah! I did! I played it!"

"You usually don't, right?"

"No. It was almost my first time."

"And he did really good."

"I did."

"Are you going to play again?"


"I'll watch tomorrow."

"Foursquare is one of my favorite sports. Is it in the Olympics?"

Monday, March 28, 2016

The List

"Mom? That list you put on the fridge? Of all the stuff I can't eat because of my braces? I looked at it and I'm okay with it except for the corn chips part. Can I have corn chips in nachos  - you know how when they get all soft and mushy because of the cheese and everything? How about then? When they're all flimsy?

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Smacksy Sunday Links

Stop thinking, start doing.

Will Ferrell, exotic animal expert. I love him so much.

My piano teacher and three other incredible musicians blow up Brahms.

A waterfall inside a lake. Waterfall. Inside. A lake.

And a dog who hugs scared dogs and helps them feel better.

Happy Easter Sunday.

Saturday, March 26, 2016

Smacksy Saturday Photo: Presenting Allan Murray Rosenberg

Our very kind friend Allan Murray gave us a new fish family member! This gorgeous guy is Allan Murray Rosenberg. He's swell.

Friday, March 25, 2016

Hour 25

"How do they feel?"

"It only hurts the part where my mouth is."

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Farewell, Max

Max the goldfish has passed on to that big, shiny goldfish bowl in the sky. He lived longer than anyone expected - three fine years. We have tucked him into a matchbox and will lay him in his final resting place, under the azalea near the front steps. Bob and I will say a few words. Mr. Rosenberg will recite a simple kaddish prayer. We'll remember him well. Rest in Peace, Max. 

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Sweet Child O' Mine

Photo from the Internet

"Bob? I was looking in my YouTube history and I saw that you were listening to The Final Countdown by Europe again."


"I thought we talked about this."


"That's the lamest excuse for a hair band ever."

"You said that before."

"You are forcing me to play some Guns N' Roses right now. You may not leave this car until after the guitar solo."

"You're weird."

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

The Clipboard Makes Me Official

Folks? I did it. I did the my first scorekeeping game. Chances are, that I may have done it mostly correctly. Mostly. Thank goodness for my cheatsheet. Though there are some questions that may never be answered like, why is the sign for Strike Out *Looking* a backwards K? The fact that I have any idea of what that sentence even means is exactly why I don't even know who I am anymore.

Monday, March 21, 2016


Sometimes I feel comfortable just winging it: Getting to the restaurant without directions, shopping for Thanksgiving without a list, extemporaneous public speaking.

Sometimes I feel in no way prepared to just wing it: Scorekeeping a Little League game.

I volunteered to keep score for some upcoming games for Bob's team, the Jet Hawks. I sort of watched a dad doing it for the first time on Saturday. I've been watching YouTube Little League Scorekeeping  instructional videos. I printed out a scorekeeping cheat sheet from the internet. Just thinking about it, my left eye starts twitching.

I have realized that if I actually understood the rules of baseball, I might be a teensy bit more confident.

Sunday, March 20, 2016

Smacksy Sunday Links

It would appear I'm being followed

The tyranny of time optimism.

Making midlife good.

Spring cleaning = better mental health.

And a girl and her duck.

Happy Sunday.

Friday, March 18, 2016

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Luck o' the Irish

"Me and Desmond wore green today. Why didn't you, Felix?"

"I forgot it was St. Patrick's Day."

"Didn't you get pinched?"


"Why are you smiling about it?"

"I know! He got pinched by girls!"

Wednesday, March 16, 2016


"Did you guys see what that big cook guy is holding in almost every picture?"

"Yeah, Felix it's wine."

"No you guys there's wine in every picture."

"What do you mean?"

"See that bowl? I don't think it's full of pasta, it's full of wine."

"Bread. He likes bread too."

"I like bread."

"Me too."

"You guys? That big cook is making me hungry."

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Finally, a Fan

"Hi, Cameron! You can throw your baseball bag in the back of the car and then hop in with Bob. We're running a few minutes behind for practice."

"Okay.Wow, Bob! Your mom's car is cool!"

"Are you kidding?"

"No, Bob. It's really cool!"

"Cameron, you are my favorite person of the hour."

"Thanks, Bob's mom."

Monday, March 14, 2016


"Mom, today we were talking about cursing in my class."


"Yeah, and Mrs. Wilson asked us to raise our hands if our moms used curse words when they drive in the car."

"You didn't raise your hand did you?"

"Mom! Of course I did!"

Friday, March 11, 2016

No, I Mean...

"Mom? What's all that writing on your new shirt?"

"It's the way they used to keep track of when your books were due at the library."

"Didn't it wreck all your shirts?"

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Brace Face Countdown

"Mom? When I get my braces am I going to look weird?"

"Nope. You'll be handsome as ever."

"It's going to hurt though, right?"

"Probably a little at first while you're getting used to them."

"What if I change my mind about it after I get them on."

"That's not an option."


"You'll be really glad you had them once you have nice straight teeth."

"That could be potentially overrated."

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Don't Google It

For 45 minutes today, I was quietly freaking out.

This afternoon I felt something strange on the inside of my cheek. I looked at it in the mirror, a dark brown spot with red edges. I had never seen anything like it in my mouth before. Then I did the thing that you should never do: I Googled it. All bad news. The freaking out started.

Worse, I Google image searched it. Then I was freaking out and also in need of getting my eyeballs dry-cleaned after seeing every repulsive bad thing that can happen inside a human mouth.

I called my dentist and was told to come in immediately. The freaking out then went into overdrive. I was calm on the outside and three months to live prognosis on the inside. I know sometimes I can be dramatic, but really, that Google search of doom.

When I arrived at the dentist's office, she lightly chided me for not making an appointment in the past few months to get my teeth cleaned. I smiled and nodded, she didn't know the horror she was about to witness. She put on her magnifying glasses with the light on them. I held my breath, opened my mouth, and waited.

"That's a blood blister. Nothing to worry about. Do you remember biting your cheek? The swelling will likely go down by the end of the day. Don't forget to make your cleaning appointment on the way out."

I sat in the dentist chair, relief washing over me. Then the part where I felt simultaneously grateful and ridiculous happened. I was fine. Super fine. "Nothing to worry about." The freaking out subsided. This was certainly no brush with death, just a brush with over-reaction mixed with hypochondriacal tendencies.

I immediately drove to Sports Chalet and celebrated life by spending too much money on sports equipment for Bob that he doesn't need.

Take that, Google.

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

Shine Bright Like a Diamond

Generations. 1985.
With Sandra St. Amand, Melva Zimmerman, and Easter Jane Dowell.

Women are fierce protectors.
Women are wisest teachers.
Women are their own and mine too.
Women are deep music.
Women are strength in numbers.
Women are life creators.
Women are secrets.
Women are tremendous beauty.
Women are artistic genius.
Women are holding hands.
Women are explorers.
Women are funny as hell.
Women are soul intuitive.
Women are athletes.
Women are dancing in love.
Women are wordsmiths.
Women are floating in spaceships in the galaxy.
Women are faith and hope and fire.
Women are earth keepers.
Women are climbing steepest mountains.
Women are fighting for other women.
Women are science.
Women are healers.
Women are made of stars.

It's International Women's Day.
Celebrate yourself or the woman near you.

Monday, March 7, 2016

Stormy Morning

Mr. Rosenberg had a scary drive to work during a storm this morning that at times made it impossible to see out of the car.

Bob was moving in slow motion getting ready for school. "Do I have to wear a raincoat? It's not gonna rain all day!"

When the loud thunder/hail situation was happening, Teddy tried to crawl inside of my pajamas, while I was wearing them. (Monogrammed thunder shirts for the whole family might be in order.)

I poured a few cups of coffee on my Monday, barely taking the edge off the re-entry into civilization. I dropped Bob at school, came home and put on my pajamas again.

Monday won.

Friday, March 4, 2016

Tea Time

Sometimes your day is going great and then you order a green tea latte and it looks like this and it gets even better.

Thursday, March 3, 2016

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Mind Like a Sieve

Yesterday, I started a cup of coffee in the Keurig machine. I left the room and then returned to find that I had forgotten the cup part. Coffee everywhere.

This evening, I started a cup of coffee in the Keurig machine. I left the room and then returned to find that I had forgotten the cup part again. Coffee everywhere.

After I cleaned up, I made another coffee (with the cup this time) and brought it into the living room and found that I had already made another coffee for myself and brought it into the living room moments before.

I really need a cup of coffee.

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

A Minor Monday Miracle

Load up the station wagon with Bob's baseball stuff for first day of practice.
   Cell Phone Battery (CPB) 22%
 At stop sign on the way to the ballpark, notice light smoke coming from under the hood.
    CPB 20%
 Receive call from my mom that she is ready to be picked up from jury duty downtown.
    CPB 18%
 Convince myself that smoke is coming from car ahead of me.
    CPB 17%
 Drop Bob at ball field. Enter the 110 South freeway.
    CPB 16%
 Notice that oil temp gauge is in the red and smoke is indeed coming from under the hood.
    CPB 15%
 Immediately exit freeway and turn on heat full blast to take heat off engine.
    CPB 14%
 Pull over and stop in residential neighborhood to let car cool down.
    CPB 13%
 Call mom and tell her I will be a little late.
    CPB 12%
Text mother of Bob's teammate and ask if Bob can get a ride home from her.
    CPB 10%
Start car and drive four blocks until oil gauge reaches red again and then turn off engine.
    CPB 8%
Repeat seven times.
    CPB 7%
Pull into random mechanic shop.
    CPB 6%
Random mechanic shows me that station wagon's radiator is done for.
    CPB 5%
Approve estimate for new radiator that will be installed by tomorrow afternoon.
    CPB 4%
Summon an Uber ride.
    CPN 3%
Call Chao the Uber driver when we cannot find each other.
    CPN 2%
Meet Chao and drive downtown to pick up Mom.
    CPN 1%
Field 4 text messages regarding schedule change of my piano class.
    CPN .5%
Chao drops us at my mom's place and I borrow her car to get home.  
    Cell Phone Battery Dead
Bob arrives home.
Victory Dance.