The Switch Off

Mr. Rosenberg and I switched closets tonight. Now he has the small one in Bob's room and I have the tiny bit less small one in our room. Part of the trade-off is that Daisy has chosen our bedroom closet (my new closet) as the place to set up her bed. This means my clothes will soon take on the Daisy scent. You will now know me by my distinct aroma of coffee, Chanel No. 5, and Fritos. Enjoy.

Smacksy Sunday Links

Some cute folks having a hard time getting the words right.

Wilco, Nick Lowe and the amazing Mavis Staples rehearsing The Weight. Super great.

And a sweet dog teaches a puppy how to go down the stairs. *Puppy alert.

Happy Sunday.

Smacksy Saturday Photo: Swinging

All to himself.

Inventory

"Mom, why do you have two harmonicas in your purse?"

"I'm not really sure."

"There's a lot of crayons in here too."

"I bet."

"And a little plastic ninja, and tissue Kleenexes, and some paper notebooks, and a hole punch, and your glasses, and your other glasses, and a sunscreen thing, and what's this thing called?"

"That's a barrette for my hair. Are you done in my purse?"

"No. There's still more stuff and I didn't find your phone yet."

"My phone's on the kitchen counter."

"The kitchen counter's inside your purse too? Ha ha! Good one, right Mom?"

Posers

"Mom? Why are you all up in my face?"

"I'm taking our picture."

"That's weird. Can I have a glass of milk?"

"Don't you want to say 'cheeeese?'"

"No, I want to say 'miiilk.'"

On Loss

Many people I know are having hard times with losses right now - loves lost through various means. I read that there is a “break-up corridor” between New Year’s and Valentine’s Day when more relationships fail than any other time of year. I don’t know the cause but it does seem to be heartbreak season. In consoling friends, I’ve given a lot of thought lately to endings and the new beginnings that come from them.

I know about complicated relationships with complicated people and complicated endings. There are some things that helped me... and continue to help me.



I had to acknowledge that for me, a heartbreak of any kind is a death, the loss of something or someone present, yes, but also the loss of the future I will never get to have. Letting go of that future and the life I had imagined for myself was incredibly difficult. I was left without that future and left without a direction. Like the loss of an arm, I will never be the same but I have learned how to live with the loss and how to get around in the world with one good arm. That phantom limb syndrome is a bitch, though – sometimes even twenty-five years later.

It can be gut wrenching to hear the word, “no,” whether you are hearing it come from your mouth or a mouth that you love. Bad timing is another way the universe has of saying “no” or “not now” and the what-ifs and second-guessing that go with that are treacherous country.



People may tell you that time, just time, will help. I have not found that to be true. I have had to work at it. I worked at re-framing the experiences little by little. I allowed myself to be sad about them and know to some degree, I always will be. My experiences in loss have made me a more vulnerable person and this in turn has made me a better woman. The life I have now is amazing and I would never have gotten here if things had played out even a tiny bit differently.



Therapy helps. Friends and family help. Faith helps. Writing helps. Dark chocolate helps. And thank God for sad songs and anti-depressants. If you are in a bad spot right now, I believe the universe does not want you to be lonely. The universe wants you to be happy. You will be happy, but first you won't be. This I believe with all my mended heart. 






Checking

"Mom, am I ever going to get rid of this cold?"

"You will. I promise."

"But how do you know?"

"I know things."

"You don't know everything."

"No, but I know this."

"You don't know about those new Lego Chima sets very much."

"Pretty sure those two things aren't related."

"That's good. I mean, really."