Friday, February 28, 2014


"Mom? You know how I bought lunch at school today and everything?"

"I do."

"There was a pancake and a potato thing that looked like a latke and a sausage patty-thing and an orange.  You know what that means? There was a theme."

"Yeah, it sounds like the theme was 'breakfast.'"

"No. I think the theme was 'circles.'"

Thursday, February 27, 2014

The Move: Settling In, Sort Of

I don't know, but this was what was happening when I walked into the new bedroom. (By the end of the day, Teddy had a real bed to sit on so he stopped pacing the top of the box-spring.)

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Moving: It's Here

The move is upon us. We're packed, mostly. We're boxed up, pretty much. We're sort of kind of ready as we'll ever be. Our address changes today.

Moving: The Teddy

"Mom? Do you think Teddy knows we're moving?"

"I think he definitely knows something is up."

"Do you think he'll like the new house?"

"Yep. His favorite people will be there and there's a nice backyard."

"That's why I'm going to like it too."

Monday, February 24, 2014

Moving: The Kitchen

"Mom? Why did you use a bad word before?"

"I'm sorry, Bob. I shouldn't have done that. I was having a problem putting in the shelf paper."

"What are you doing now?"

"Alphabetizing the spices."

"Should I expect the swearing to happen when you do that too?"

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Smacksy Saturday Photo: My Godfather

This photo was taken in 1964 on the day of my christening. The very young couple on the left are my parents. The one holding me is my dad's sister, my Godmother, Aunt Sophie. Next to her is my Godfather, Uncle Daryl. My uncle passed away yesterday at the age of eighty-eight. He will be missed.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Stay In the Game

"Mom? You remember how a couple weeks ago I said I wanted to quit basketball?"

"I do."

"But then you remember last Saturday and how I made my first basket ever in a game in all two seasons? Like, Troy just passed the ball to me and I just shot it and it went in the hoop and everything?"

"Yes, I do."

"Well, it's so weird. You know what happened? I don't want to quit anymore!"

"That's great, Baby."

"Yep. It's like magic or something."

Thursday, February 20, 2014


"Mom? What are the words in this song?"

"'I see a red door and I want to paint it black...'"

"Why paint it black?"

"Those are the words the Rolling Stones wrote."

"I wouldn't paint it black. I would paint it blue. Blue's my favorite color, you know."

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Wound Up

"Mom? Where is my basketball? I left it on the front porch. Do you think someone stole it? Do you? Maybe someone did. That would be weird. I'll get the mail. Here mom. Is there anything for me? Is there? Mom? What's that catalog? Is it all lady underpants? Teddy's licking his arm a lot. Do you want me to check it? Do you think something's wrong with it, like it might be infected or something? Or do you think he's just licking it randomly for no reason? Can you help me find this Lego piece? It's under the piano somewhere. It's part of the blaster thingy. Mom?'

"Bob, Honey? I think you need to settle down and relax a little."

"Mom, I can't relax. I'm a kid."

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Change of Heart

"Mom? I changed my mind. I don't want to move."

"I'm sorry, Honey."

"Can we just stay in the house we're in now?"

"No, Babe. We're moving next week, but we'll all be together in the new place. And you know what makes a house a home?"


"The love and people inside the walls."

"Well, I would love the people to stay inside the old walls."

Monday, February 17, 2014

All That's Left Behind

The following is a list of unwanted items we found left behind by the previous owners of our new house:

Jar of Pumpkin Butter
Navy Blue Bathrobe
5 Loose Cipro Antibiotic Tablets Labeled With a Post-It
Drawer Filled With Silverware
Tupperware Lid Filled with Cherry Tomatoes
Chambray Shirt with Bird Scene Embroidery on the Yoke
4 Wire Hangers
Half a Package of Rolos
Small Framed Print of a Parisian Street Scene
Pink Seashell Nightlight
Blue Toothbrush
Nail Clippers With a Leopard Pattern on the Side
Broken Table Lamp
Jeweled Fridge Magnet in the Shape of a Flower
... And One Frozen Bean and Cheese Burrito

Welcome Home

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Smacksy Sunday Links

This is an exhaustive list of ways to simplify your life and with our upcoming move I need all of the downsizing help I can get.

A genius is still a genius, even when sort of phoning it in.

I love everything about this dog/squirrel situation.

Happy Sunday.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Friday, February 14, 2014

Me and 53: My Worst First Dates

In honor of Valentine’s Day, some friends and I have decided to share our Worst Date Ever story. (We are romantics.) My dilemma? How to narrow it down to just one. 

In 2004, I met my husband at the (merciful) end of a long summer of on-line dating. Mr. Rosenberg was my 53rd first date. The stepping stone dates it took to get to my husband, flicker in my mind like a rom-com video montage. There were some average dates, plenty of nice-guy zero-chemistry dates, but the ones that stand out are the dating fails. 

There was the extremely tall, minor league baseball player I met at a sports bar in Burbank. He said no more than four words to me the entire meal, but managed to chat up our waitress.

The TV editor I met at the Oaxacan place. We ordered the chicken mole´and chapulines (grasshoppers).  During the meal, he had a panic attack and excused himself to call his therapist. I don’t think it was about the grasshoppers.

The experimental-video director with the white faux-hawk I met at a hipster coffee roasting shop in deepest Hollywood. He spent the date in an hour-long monologue about his ex-wife “Julia,” stopping only to show me photos of her. Also he was, by all appearances, gay as a box of birds. 

I can’t forget the mini-guy with the mini-Cooper. This small-ish man asked to meet at a Korean Barbecue place in little Armenia. A struggling writer/actor/production assistant, he confided that he had looked up my name on Internet Movie Database and noticed that I was a producer. He then proceeded to pitch me an animated children’s show about singing gummy bears.

The screenwriter I met at a pub in mid-Wishire who, based on his startling non-resemblance to his photo, had obviously posted a picture of someone else on his profile. He brought me three mixed CDs of music based on what he “knew” I would like.

There was the English tutor with a script in turn-around and a famous roommate, that I met at a Starbucks in Korea Town. This guy corrected my grammar within the first five minutes of our introduction. Then, he proceeded to inform me that rather than be put-off by this, I should be grateful for the new information so I could fix my error and not appear to be uneducated. 

The studio exec who insisted on meeting at a fancy-pants restaurant and then, at the end of the meal, meticulously split the bill to the penny. Two weeks later, I saw him getting into his Lexus in the parking lot of Trader Joe’s. When I waved, he pretended not to recognize me. Or something.

The sports photographer I met at the all-night diner in Los Feliz. I had high hopes for this guy, but then things started unraveling once we realized I had dated his younger brother. Then it got weird. So weird.

There was also the extremely tan, French tennis pro I met for lunch at a vegetarian place in Santa Monica. He was on a non-stop series of calls on his cell phone, the entire meal and then asked for a second date. I said, “Non.”

Thank God, I finally met the lanky musician with the studio temp job who was living with his mom. My night in shining mini-van, Mr. Rosenberg appeared, met me for sushi,  and fast-forwarded my story to happily ever after.

Happy Valentines Day.

For more first date stories visit these lovely ladies:

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Where Would That Be On the Map?

"Mom? You know how some people are Jewish?"

"I do."

"Well there's a kid at my school who's gibberish."

"That's not a thing you can be."

"Well, the teacher said the kid was speaking gibberish."


"So at least I know he has a gibberish accent."

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

What These Guys Said

"Mom? I  heard these guys talking and they kept saying, 'YOLO.' Is that a bad word?"

"No. It's an acronym for You Only Live Once."

"Oh, I get it. I know why they say that."

"Do you?"

"Yeah, because it's really true. Hey, Mom?'

"Yeah, Bob?'

"Can I have more of that ice cream with the peanut butter cups in it? Because YOLO!"

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

If Only It Were That Easy

"Mom? What are you going to write on your blog tonight?'

"I don't know. Do you have any ideas?"

"Yeah. Just be normal."

"What does that mean?"

"Like you probably shouldn't say 'butts' as much as you do in real life."

"That would be normal?"

 "Isn't there just like a normal  button you can push or something?"

Monday, February 10, 2014

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Smacksy Sunday Links

Good words on doing a thing.

Especially since we're getting ready to move, I really like this: 10 ways to enjoy your home to its fullest.

And this Loris loves eating rice balls.

Happy Sunday.

Friday, February 7, 2014


"Hey, Mom? You know, I think Dad would make a good math teacher."

"Yeah? Why do you think so?"

"He's really good at numbers and adding them up."

"That's true."

"Mom, I think you would be a good writing teacher."

"Thanks, Bob. That means a lot to me."

"For sure, because you're good at making letters."


"Especially cursives."

Thursday, February 6, 2014

It's Going Around

"Mom? So, Dad's staying home sick today?'


"And Felix's dad is sick?'


"And Desmond's little brother is sick too?"


"I guess I'm going to have to run pret-ty fast to stay ahead of this germ."

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

A Good Boy

"Bob, what's going on? Are you throwing pencils at the wall? Don't do that, please. Look at that. Now I have to clean the wall."

"Sorry, Mom. Does that mean I'm a bad boy?"

"Of course not. You're a good boy who had a little bad behavior."

"What if I am bad? Me. Bad boy trademark."

Monday, February 3, 2014

But the Flashlight Makes It Awesome

"Hey, Mom! Get under the covers! I've got a flashlight!"

"Hey! Nice fort."

"I know. It's really cozy."

"Sure is."

"And if there was an earthquake we could hide out under here for safety."

"You think that would work, Bob?"

"No. Not really. Not at all."

Saturday, February 1, 2014