He's a Card

"Hey, Mom! Guess what!"

"What?"

"Chicken butt!"

"Right. Chicken butt."

"Guess why!"

"Why?"

"Chicken thigh!"

"Ha!"

"Guess weenus!"

"No."

Jump Jivin'

 
"Hey, Dad? You want to dance with me?"

"Okay."

"Wait, never mind. Mom? Will you dance with me? Sorry, Dad. She's just a better dancer."

Smacksy Sunday Links

Another place that makes me feel like we live in a mansion: A 127 sq ft house in Colorado.

Something awesome from crappy pictures.

And one minute and thirty-nine seconds of a baby elephant playing in the surf.

Happy Sunday.

Smacksy Saturday Photo: A German Landscape

 

This past week, Mr. Rosenberg has been in Germany on business. 

Yesterday he was here - Weingut Diefenhardt. Beautiful. Schön.

The Candy Man Can

 
"Mom, I want to live in a whole house made out of candy, that way I can have candy whenever I want."

"But if you ate your whole house, you wouldn't have anywhere to live."

"It would be fine. It's magic, Mom. You know? Magic?"

He Found Me Out

"Mom, can you please put Angry Birds game on your phone for me?"

"I don't know how to do that."

"It's just an app."

"I know. I don't know how to do apps."

"Mom, are you serious? I don't know how but I'm six. You're a grown up."

"Sorry."

"Mom, are you like totally embarrassed right now?"

My Little Life Coach

 

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"Mom, did you put the wrong credit card in the gas pump thing? Is that why you got back in the car and got the other card out of your wallet and then got back out again?"

"Yep."

"And then you got back in again and turned the car around because the gas hole thing on the car is on the other side and then the pumper thing wouldn't reach to the car hole because that other guy pulled his car up? Is that why we sat here and waited so long until he moved his car so we could pull up more? And then you hurt your finger when the pump turned off?"

"Yep."

"Mom? I think maybe you're thinking about our trip next week and not thinking about what you're doing right now and it's making your morning bad."

"I think you might be right, Bob."

"I am super right, Mom."

Foodstuffs

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"Mom, I heard if you eat too many carrots, your whole skin will turn orange."

"That's true."

"It's a good thing I don't like carrots."

"Well..."

"And a ketchup is my favorite tomato."

How to Get That Thing Out of Your Nose By Bob Rosenberg

If you're on the couch and you accidentally put your hand under a cushion and then you accidentally pull out a piece of foam and then accidentally shove it really far up your nose, then you need to tell your mom. She's going to make you go in the bathroom while she puts pepper under your nose to make you sneeze and then the foam doesn't come out. Then your mom is going to try to get it out with one of those squeezey ball air-sucker things that are for baby snots and then the foam still won't come out. Your nose starts to feel bad now. Your mom is going to drive you to see Dr. Bess and in the car your mom is going to talk about all of the places on your body that you shouldn't shove things in.

Dr. Bess is going to look up your nose with a light and then she is going to try to get the thing with a thing but the foam isn't going to come out. Then Dr. Bess is going to talk about all of the places on your body that you shouldn't shove things up. Dr. Bess is going to call another doctor on the phone and then you have to go back in the car and drive to a special kid's nose doctor at a hospital that's just for kids and babies.

The special kid's nose doctor has a bunch of nurse people in the room and puts a thing in your nose-nostril to open it and then uses a little grabber and then he pulls the foam out - bam, easy-peasy. Your nose will feel all normal now. Dr. Nose Doctor gives you a Batman sticker and tells you not to shove anything in your nose or ears and that you seem like a nice guy but he hopes he doesn't see you back in his office again. Your mom will say that Dr. Nose Doctor looks like an acting guy named Jeff Daniels. You won't know who that is but you like the Batman sticker.

You will stop at a restaurant on the way home to have pie and your mom will drink a lot of coffee and call your dad and both your grandmas to tell them that the foam is out of your nose and you will eat the pie. The pie will be good.

Smacksy Sunday Links

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I'm in the mood for lots of happy goodness.

This fox getting pet? I had no idea foxes could be this sweet.

This is the story of a real hero.

And The 50 Cutest Things That Ever Happened.

Happy Sunday.

Smacksy Saturday Photo: Work From Home

A work from home day for Mr. Rosenberg and his faithful assistants.

In the Swim

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"Dad, swim class today got out early because the pool got con-tam-in-ated again."

"What happened this time?"

"Desmond barfed a mango yogurt."

"Oh, no."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was mango."

Privacies

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"Hop in the shower and you can get some of the sand off, Bob."

"Mom, can you lock the door, please?'

"Don't worry Bob, I won't let anyone in."

"Okay, but can you lock it too?"

"I'll stand right here in front of it."

"Mom, does it have a locking mechanism?"

Down

"Mom, I feel like garbage."

"I know, Babe. I'm sorry. Any other symptoms?"

"I feel like someone put my head in a toilet."

"That sounds bad."

"Did I already mention the garbage part?"

Limits

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"So, Mom? You're saying it's okay with you if I have these kazoos, you just don't want me to play them?"

"Not all at the same time, no."

"So one or maybe two or three at a time is okay?"

Seven

On this day last year, I opened the mail and found an anniversary card addressed to Mr. Rosenberg  and me from Aunt Lynn. We couldn't figure out why she had sent us an anniversary card. After giving it a great deal of thought, we realized that she sent it to us BECAUSE IT WAS OUR ANNIVERSARY.

We were clueless.

This year we were determined not to forget our big day and started celebrating early. Over the weekend we had dinner out. We listened to records. We went to The Container Store to get Lego storage supplies. We shared a sandwich. We walked the dogs. We hung out with Bob. We held hands. Our version of romance.

Today I will recall the Friday afternoon, seven years ago, that we eloped to Las Vegas and started our new life as Mr. and Mrs. Rosenberg. It was an excellent day. I remember it well.

Smacksy Sunday Links

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I have long been a fan of actor/comedian/writer Taylor Negron. I was lucky enough to get to hear him read this piece in person. It is lovely.

This couple live in a 240 square foot apartment. I love New York.

And a sweet raccoon.

Happy Sunday.

Smacksy Saturday Photo: Dog's Life

We'll just say the transition has been going quite well.

Ahem

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"Mom, you keep coughing. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's just a little cold. Thanks, Honey."

"But your voice is scratchy."

"Yep."

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"You sound like a dude."

Baby Doll

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"Mom, did you know Sabine has this doll that if it has water it pees out a hole in its bottom?"

"I had a doll like that when I was little too."

"That peed on purpose, as a feature?"

"Yeah, it was a feature."

"Mom? Girls are weird."

Under There

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 "Mom, I saw Clementine in her underpants once."

"When was that?"

"We were changing clothes for swimming."

"It happens sometimes."

"Yeah but I changed in the bathroom so that no one would spy on my underwear parts."

Battlefield

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"Mom! Check out this cool Star Wars base I made. See all the Storm Trooper guys?"

"That's very cool, Babe."

"Fire at will! Fire at will! Fire at will... Mom who's Will?"

The New Guy

This is Teddy. We adopted Teddy on Saturday.

Daisy and Teddy are getting along famously. They are good at hanging out.

Mr. Rosenberg and Teddy are also getting along famously.

Vi is okay with Teddy as long as he keeps a fair distance. (That's Vi in the sink.)

Bob said, "Including the spider in the corner by the couch, now we have seven life forms in the house!" He is correct and we are thrilled. Say hello to the newest Rosenberg.

Smacksy Sunday Links

The Whole World, by Bob Rosenberg

I like to bug you guys about this at least once a year.

This is super cool.

Lovely.


Happy Sunday.

Smacksy Saturday Photo: Gamer

The Angry Birds have come to roost at our house.

Advance Planning

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"Mom, I've been thinking."

"Okay."

"I'm pretty sure I don't want to live in an apartment when I grow up because I don't want to use all my quarters for laundry."

Tiny Lights

 
"Dad? Each of those little lights from the fireworks is a spirit."

"You mean like a ghost?"

"Yeah, like even our ancestors. Pretty sure."

Baby, You're a Firework

Happy 4th of July, my friends.

Webs

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"Whoa, Bob. Check this out."

"What is it, Mama?"

"I just found this spider on my hair. I must have walked into a spiderweb when I was outside."

"Mom, I'm just gonna say your hair is crazy."

He Has a Point

 
"...and God bless our family. Who are you grateful for Bob?"

"I'm grateful for Ringo, Brandon, Clementine, Sabine, et cetera, et cetera..."

"Bob, there are no et ceteras in prayers."

"It's okay, Mom. God knows what I'm thinking."

Smacksy Sunday Links

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Ina knows how to spend her Sundays.

Beautiful faces.

And this is outstanding.

Happy Sunday.