Be What?

"Mom? Why does the sign say, 'Be bold. Be brave. Be you?'"

"I think they're being inspirational."

"But they're a freaking dry cleaner."

"We don't say 'freaking.'"

"I'm just being me."

Defined

"Mom? What's 'mojo'?"

"Mojo is a quality that makes a person awesome."

"Oh, right. I've got lots of that."

He Told That Guy

"So, Mom? Today Mateo said that he was the greatest soccer defender in the world and so I told him he was being a ecomaniac."

"An ECOmaniac?"

"Yeah, Mom. Ecomaniac is a word for when someone thinks they're all way great too much."

Nice

"Mom? Can I have another glass of milk, please?"

"Sure."

"I forgot to feed Teddy!"

"That's okay, you sit and finish eating. I'll get it."

"Mom? Why are you being so nice?"

"What does that mean? Aren't I always pretty nice?"

"I mean, you're always nice but you keep saying yes to things and being extra nice. But you were always nice. Before being nice. Now. Again. You're nice."

"You're pedaling back pretty hard right now."

"I'm not sure what that means, but you can keep being extra nice and that would be good."

Now There's A "G" Word

"Mom? In the Fred movie, Fred says "Oh, gammit" instead of the bad "D" word."

"Well, I don't want you using 'gammit.' It sounds to close to the bad word."

"I know I never do. And I never, ever say the bad word."

"Good."

"But Pops does, I'm just saying."

Commute

"Hey Mom, Hey Moooooooooooooooom. Listen to my new made up word again! Mcpishy mcpishy mcpishy!"

"That's too loud for inside the car, Bud."

"Mcpishy!"

"Bob, the combination of this traffic and your craziness is making me nuts."

"Mcpishy mcpishy mcpishy!"

"Seriously, put a lid on it."

"What does that mean? Mcpishy?"

"Can it, Sir."

"What do you mean by that? Mcpishy mcpishy?"

"Take it down a notch."

"Mcpishy! My notches don't go down!"

Good-er

"Bob, now that we've seen the doctor about those big mosquito bite welts, we'll get you all lined out."

"What does that mean? Lined out?"

"Like, sorted out."

"What's that?"

"You know, squared away."

"Mom! What are you talking about?"

"Fixed up. All better."

"Why didn't you just say that? Why did you have to use all of those weird catch-phrases?"

The British Are Coming

"Listen to this, Mom. I've been practicing my English accent, 'Oxy Clean gets the tough stains out!'"

"Oh, wow."

"'Oxy Clean gets the tough stains out!'"

"Nice."

"Did you hear how good it is? 'Oxy Clean gets the tough stains out!'"

"All right."

"It's just like the Oxy Clean guy! See, Mom? I can speak another language!"

Say It Again

"So, Mom? Lately after I say a word, I add the end of the word on to it again. Like I'll say, 'book-ook.'"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, or like, 'chair-air.'"

"Is that your new secret language?"

"No, it's just my new way of being-ing."

And That's Enough

"Okay, Bob. Beaches."

"B-E-A-C-H-E-S."

"Great. Okay, the next word is - enough."

"E-N- I don't know. I mean I really have no idea."

"I remember learning to spell that word because it's a hard one. When I had to spell it I would say the sounds of the letters to like this - Ee-Nah-Oh-Ugg-Guh-Huh. Like that, see?

"And did everyone think you were crazy, Mom?"

He Has So Much to Teach

"Whoa, Mom. Did you see me get that zombie? I'm so beast!"

"You're what?"

"Beast. It's like when you do something awesome, you say you're beast."

"Okay."

"Mom, I guess I just taught you a word."

"You did indeed."

"Shouldn't you be the one doing the teaching?"

Crazymaker

"You're not right, Mom."

"I think I am."

"Well, you're not."

"Okay, you do it however you'd like. It's all up to you."

"I know I'm right... You still don't think I'm right?"

"I know you're not right."

"You aren't though."

"You asked my opinion. I'm not changing my mind."

"Okay, Mom. You're leaving me no choice but to disagree with you."

Vocabs

"Hold on for a sec, Bob. I feel a little queasy. Do you know what queasy means?"

"Yeah, it means like seasick. I know that because Queasy Kitty is on Metalbeard's ship."

"Okay, I don't know what that means."

"Mom? Are you going to upchuck? I learned that word from 'Beezus and Ramona.'"

Moving: The Kitchen

"Mom? Why did you use a bad word before?"

"I'm sorry, Bob. I shouldn't have done that. I was having a problem putting in the shelf paper."

"What are you doing now?"

"Alphabetizing the spices."

"Should I expect the swearing to happen when you do that too?"

What These Guys Said

"Mom? I  heard these guys talking and they kept saying, 'YOLO.' Is that a bad word?"

"No. It's an acronym for You Only Live Once."

"Oh, I get it. I know why they say that."

"Do you?"

"Yeah, because it's really true. Hey, Mom?'

"Yeah, Bob?'

"Can I have more of that ice cream with the peanut butter cups in it? Because YOLO!"

With a Z

"Bob?"

"Yez?"

"I need you to put your clothes in the hamper."

"Okayz."

"Will you do that now, please?"

"Yez, Momz."

"What's up with the way you're talking?"

"It's my new accentz."

Multi-Lingual

"Brgermaln."

"What did you say, Bob?"

"Brmelgrop."

"Barrel crop?'"

"Bramlgropl."

"What?"

"Mom, I'm speaking caveman."

Word of the Day

"Hey, Mom!"

"Yep."

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"Extreme!"

"Extreme what?"

"Extreme! Extreme! Extreme! Just extreme!"

My Programs

"Mom, why is this show called 'Long Island Medium?'"

"Because it's about a lady who's a medium and she lives on Long Island."

"And she talks to dead people?"

"That's the concept, yes."

"What are those things on her fingers?"

"Those are fake fingernails. They're called acrylics."

"They look like claws. I bet they're really good for grabbing stuff. And fighting bears."

The Whole Story

"Mom, earlier I got stuck in the closet because I went in there to see if my vampire teeth would glow in the dark and they sort of do but then the door shut all the way and me and Daisy were stuck in there because the knob wouldn't turn and I was yelling for you but you couldn't hear me because you were in the garage and then all of a sudden the vampire teeth got sort of scary but I got the door open and we got out and now I'm scarier than the teeth even though I don't glow in the dark because I'm bigger and they're just plastic teeth from Chuck E. Cheese, not from a real vampire."