Thursday, September 5, 2019


Bob needed a new lock for his school locker. He requested "the kind without numbers but has the round thing that moves around in the middle." He was referring to the Master Lock Speed Dial. I picked one up at the hardware store. I told him I'd get it out of the packaging while he was getting ready for school. Getting it out of the packaging required retrieving the instructions and combination from deep inside a plastic cavity in the housing of the display box. There was no way I was going to figure this out before he left for school. I was in way over my head.

I tried using scissors to open the plastic door in the package without success. I tried jamming it with a flathead screw driver which served to only seal it tighter. I passed it along to Mr. Rosenberg before I injured myself and he successfully opened it with a pair of kitchen shears. This lock was already too much trouble for something that says "Easy" on the label.

Picture a montage: Me trying to read microscopic instructions with reading glasses under a strong light. Me trying and failing to open the lock with the combination. Me trying to reset combination by "simply" moving the tiny lever on the back of the lock. Me attempting to dislodge tiny lever with a Phillips head screw driver. Me attempting to dislodge tiny lever with a Phillips head screw driver and a hammer. Me driving to Ace Hardware while muttering to myself. Me exchanging the blue lock for a new red lock.

And then, the hero shot:

Please notice how unlocked I got it.
Wednesday was a long day.

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