10 Reasons You're Glad I Didn't Blog In My 20s

20-Year-Old Lisa by Stuart Vance, 1984

You might have tired of reports of my hostessing gig at the Red Onion and the injustice of my having been fired especially after I wore that rented Easter Bunny costume and hopped down Cannon Drive in Beverly Hills passing out brunch coupons. (Like, those jerks at corporate down in Carson make it all so political.)

I preferred solo Sting to Sting of The Police and we may have parted ways over that.
I'm so sure.

Fun Fashion Updates! Liquid eyeliner, half shaved head, Boy George braids, ear cuff.

You might not have agreed with all of the Reasons Why David Bowie Should Be My First Husband, but that's another list entirely.
Related: Blog Instant Audio Feature.

Maybe you're the one who wouldn't enjoy meaningful daily quotes from Hermann Hesse's  "The Glass Bead Game," and "Siddhartha." What-ever.

Perhaps you wouldn't have been interested in dispatches from my summer as a "Background Actor/Connie Sellecca's Hair Photo Double" on the set of ABC's night-time drama, "Hotel."

Bra top, lace leggings, bolero jacket, single glove.

Let the bangs grow out? Keep the bangs? Let the bangs grow out? Keep the bangs? Let the bangs grow out? Keep the bangs? Let the bangs grow out? Keep the bangs?

For some reason, you may not have been into the Where In Hollywood Did My Vespa Break Down This Week? photo series. I'm so totally sure.

Vintage slip, flannel lumberjack shirt, Doc Martins, your boyfriend.

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You guys? Twelve of my delightful bloggy girlfriends thought of
their 10 Reasons too. Visit their blogs (linked below)
and, like, completely thank me later:

Earth Mother just means I'm dusty

Motherhood in NYC

The Mama Bird Diaries

Baby on Bored

Peace, Love & Guacamole

Wait in the Van

Tales of (Married) Mikkimoto

Ann's Rants

Wendi Aarons

Midlife Mixtape 

The Flying Chalupa

I'm Gonna Kill Him

Ridiculous Fads I Have Followed In An Unsuccessful Effort to Be Cool

1989 Was a Dangerous Year

There was that time I...

Got a Dorothy Hamill haircut. People thought I was a boy.

Carried around a cigarette because I thought it made me look sophisticated. Klassy.

Sported the Brooke Shields eyebrows. The effect was less Brooke, more Frida Kahlo.

Bought into the bra top fad. I’m a 32-A, so not so much.

Permed my waist length wavy hair. Barely fit in the car.

Safety-pinned extra shoulder pads to the inside of my shoulder pads. You heard me.

Pierced my belly button. It never healed: pus is pretty.

Drove a convertible Jeep for three years. Nothing awesome about speeding down the freeway with a mouth full of flying hair while you’re trying to keep your giant dog from jumping out of the car.

Wore a Blossom hat for an entire season. Fetching.

Invested $8.00 in self tanning lotion. Could have achieved same effect with three hours and an orange highlight marker.

Elvis and Me, Then and Now

In the summer of 1982 I went to my first Elvis Costello concert. He and The Attractions played an all ages show at the Santa Cruz Civic Auditorium. I was 17 years old. My hair was cut in a severe chin length bob. I wore black and white saddle shoes that were meant to represent me as one who enjoyed ironic throwback fashion and was sort of into ska. My friend Val and I danced in our vintage pencil skirts. The crowd was young and rowdy and new wave. Someone was kicked out for smoking pot.

Elvis wore a suit and tie and his signature black framed glasses. His dark hair was shiny and slicked back. It was a grand performance. He played my favorite song, “Alison.”

I kissed a boy.

After the concert, Val and I sneaked into the bar at the Holiday Inn where we heard Mr. Costello was staying. We giggled as we watched him drinking beer at the bar. When we finally got the courage to say hello, he was kind. The night was magic.

Last Tuesday I saw Elvis Costello at the Arlington Theater in Santa Barbara. He played alone on the stage with his guitar. I am 45 years old and my hair has been dyed to cover the gray. I wore a vaguely business casual ensemble with a colorful scarf to keep off the chill. I sat in my assigned seat and clapped appreciatively between songs. The crowd looked like the population of a 30 year high school class reunion. More than one of the men resembled Mr. Belvedere with a ponytail. Someone got kicked out for taking a picture with his i-phone.

Elvis wore a suit and a tie and his signature black framed glasses. His temples were graying and under his hat, a receding hairline. It was a grand performance. He played my favorite song, “Alison.”

I kissed my husband.

After the concert, Jeff and I talked and laughed on the long ride back home. When we got to the house, I tiptoed into the room of the little boy who had he been born a girl, might have been named Alison. The night was magic.

A Recipe For Something That Isn't Fruitcake

Last year on Christmas morning we awoke to find bags of homemade treats on our doorstep from a number of the neighbors. Now that I know our street does Christmas, I am in. This year I am hauling out my go-to holiday recipe for baked item gift situations, The Cranberry Bread. It is buttery and orange-y and sweet-tarty and delicious. I’ll be making a dozen loaves.

I found the original recipe in Mademoiselle Magazine sometime in the late 80’s because apparently it was my bible not only for bolero jacket designs and Terence Trent D’Arby interviews but it featured recipes that still hold up. The Mademoiselle version of the bread included coconut and pecans but I have adapted the recipe to exclude those but added double the cranberries and some extra orange zest and now it is perfect. If you really want to fall in love, eat it warm or toast it with some butter. Also: Why is Terence now calling himself “Sananda Maitreya" now? Anyone?

If you live on our block you don’t have to try the recipe yourself, just open your door on Christmas morning and dig in.

CRANBERRY BREAD
2 cups all-purpose flour
½ cup sugar
1 Tbs. baking powder
½ tsp. salt
2/3 cup orange juice
2 eggs, slightly beaten
3 Tbs melted, unsalted butter
2 cups fresh cranberries
1 Tbs. grated orange zest

Preheat oven to 350 F. Grease an 8” X 41/2” X 3” bread pan. In a large bowl, sift together flour, sugar, baking powder and salt, Make a well in the center of the flour mixture and pour in the orange juice, eggs and melted butter. Mix well. Blend in cranberries and orange zest. Pour mixture into the loaf pan and bake for 50 minutes or until a knife inserted into the center comes out clean. Remove bread from the oven and allow to cool in the pan for 15 minutes. Remove bread from pan and cool completely. Wrap in plastic wrap. I like to wrap it again in foil, over the plastic. Makes 1 loaf. Or it also makes 2 wonderful mini loaves, if that’s your deal.