Scrapes

"Mom? I scratched my heel on the cement."

"Do you want some Neosporin?"

"What's that?"

"Ointment."

"What's that?"

"Salve."

"What do you mean?

"Liniment."

"I don't know what that is."

"Unguent."

"Mom!"

"Medicine."

"Why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

"Then you wouldn't get to know all those great words."

"Mom, you're weird."

You Asked

"Mom? What does bamboozled mean?"

"Hoodwinked."

"Mom, you're not helping at all."

Second Grade Vernacular

"Mom? I use some words that are college words."

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Like, I told Felix I was 'a wee bit peckish' and after Felix found out what it meant, he said 'peckish' was a college word."

"I suppose that could be true."

"And it's all your fault, Mom."

Holiday Supplies

"Mom? Do we have smuzzletuff at our house?"

"I don't know what smuzzlettuff is."

"Are you kidding? You don't know what it is? Mom!"

"Bud, I really don't know what you're talking about."

"I'm talking about smuzzletuff!"

"I don't know that word. Really."

"You know? It's the Christmas thing that looks like leaves and you hold it up high and kiss people?"

"You mean, mistletoe?"

"Oh. Is that it? The kissy stuff?"

"Yeah."

"We totally need some of that."

Check Please

"Dad? When is our dinner coming? When's my grilled cheese getting here?"

"We just ordered, Bob," said Jeff.

"It's going to be a few minutes," I said.

Bob slid out of his seat and under the table. In a moment, he reappeared on the other side of the table next to Jeff. Bob climbed on to Jeff's lap.

"Dad? Can I sit on your soldiers?"

"No, buddy."

"Your soldiers?" I said.

"He means shoulders."

"Oh. That was weird. I thought maybe 'soldiers' was a euphemism for your privates."

Jeff thought for a second. "No, but it is now."