Smacksy Saturday Photo: Vegetable Lover

It was a brief affair, but it was intense. For a fleeting 48 hours, the two of them were inseparable. Bob and the acorn squash.

My Son the Doctor

I asked Bob what he would like to be when he grows up. He answered, “A grown up.” Excellent.
And then, “A Mama or a Daddy.”
Nice. And also, “A doctor. A doctor, teacher.”
He also informed me that, “Nurses take care of people and doctors fix people. I can fix you.” (How long I have waited to hear those exact words.)

This is a photo of Bob’s current favorite medical instrument:


The "Dad Golf Pro" half-golf ball shaped tape measure key chain, complete with a picture of a nine iron wielding Tasmanian Devil. (I'm pretty sure Tiger Woods uses this exact model.) Jeff won this at a ring-toss game at his office Halloween party. Re-read that last sentence. Ring toss? Exactly what kind of drunken frat house does he work for?

Bob uses the Tasmanian half-ball to measure our headaches and tummy aches. He will then diagnose our ailments as either, “big” or “not so big.”

Jeff’s current prescription, “Maybe a glass of juice or water will make you feel better, Daddy.” True enough.

For me, “Mama, you always like a kiss.” He has us figured out.

Our dog Daisy, “Wants a sandwich.” Always.

Pearl the cat, “Needs a privacy.” Wise words.

Note: Dr. Bob accepts insurance but is not currently on any managed care plans. Dr. Bob will validate parking.

Her Old Songs

The Song of Songs, Lucas and Moya, 1914

Last spring, we lost a member of our family when Jeff’s step-dad’s mother passed away. Meda, short for Andromeda, (I know. Coolest name ever.) was a sweet lady with a sharp sense of humor and she took crap from no one. We miss her so much.

We had the pleasure of getting to spend many Sunday afternoons with her at her house, especially after Bob was born. We shared stories and ate ice cream. Bob had his first cone in her backyard. As Bob got older, he would pull himself up to a stand, holding on to the edge of her piano and bang on the keys.

When Meda died, her piano came to live at our house. It is an upright, Grinnell Brothers of Detroit and a real beauty. My favorite discovery about the piano was inside the bench: hundreds of pieces of sheet music dating back as early as 1901. Clare de Lune and White Christmas and Love Is a Many Splendored Thing. Songs made popular by Perry Como, Kate Smith, Lena Horne and Hoagy Carmichael, each one a treasure.

I haven’t played the piano since eighth grade. I think it’s time for some more lessons. Thank you Meda.

For Me and My Gal; Leslie, Goetz and Meyer, 1932

Easter Parade; Irving Berlin, 1933

Goodnight My Love; Gordon and Revel, 1936

Do You Really Want to Hurt Me; Culture Club, 1982

Problem Solving

I wish I took this picture. I wish that was Pearl in the hat. Let's pretend.

I am standing in the kitchen reading the microwave instruction on the Trader Jose’s taquito box. Bob appears at my side carrying his plastic pumpkin.

“Can I have a candy now please?”

“No, not right now, it’s almost dinner.”

“Pleeeeeease?”

“No and you already had some of your Halloween candy today.”

“Not right now I didn’t.”

“No, Buddy.”

“It will give me a tummy ache?”

“It might, if you eat too much.”

“That’s OK. Daddy showed me a good place to do barfing.”

The Dangerous Book for Moms

I bought The Dangerous Book for Boys as a gift for Jeff back when I was still pregnant. It bills itself as, "The perfect book for every boy from eight to eighty." It's filled with old school facts and activities designed for the male of the species. Jeff looked through it once and then the book took residence next to the bed in the to-be-read pile between a Dave Eggers thing and some Japanese graphic novel.

Bob¹ pulled this book from the pile shortly after his second birthday. He loved the pictures of the bugs, and the fish, and the planets. He memorized the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, the names of the cloud formations, and other bits of information that at his age were precocious and a little weird. If he managed to hold onto this knowledge until grade school it would charm teachers while simultaneously acting as an open invitation for other kids to beat him up.

Last week I was trying to help Bob dress for pre-school. He wriggled and shouted and refused to let go of the tape measure that he informed me he was using, "to measure your headache, Mama." I asked him why this had to be such a battle. He stopped moving, looked me in the eye and shook his head, "No Mama, this is not a battle. A real battle is the Battle of Cannae." I had no response to this other than the gut tightening I get when watching Jeopardy and I've never heard of the category, much less the actual question.

Page 55 of The Dangerous Book for Boys informed me that Cannae was a battle fought in 216BC between the Romans and the Carthaginians, or something. I sort of blacked out after the first few lines. I read enough to know that if this happens again, I will respond with, "Oh yeah? Well don't even get me started on the Punic wars Mr. Fancy Pants."

I do not know what the Punic wars are but it sounds dirty and I think I've just convinced all of us that Jeff will be the "homework parent."

¹Bob is feeling so much better after the crazy night of barfing and howling and sweating and shivering. I am recovering from sleeping on a dog bed on the floor. Thanks for asking.

This Little Piggy Has A Fever

For the first time, I will have to skip writing a new post this evening. Bob has been barfing since bed time and has a fever. After 40 minutes of reading page after page of information about the dreaded H1N1 on the CDC website, I'm confused and will be calling his doctor tomorrow morning. Maybe it's not the flu. Can you get a fever from eating too many Kit Kats and fun sized Snickers?

Here is a link to a smacksy post from way back in the olden days of early May if you'd like a little more in the smacksy department.

If you need me, I will be on the floor of Bob's room curled up on a pile of dog beds with Daisy, listening to the moaning little guy. We're on the waiting list for the flu vaccine. Cool.

Smacksy Sunday Links: Fall Back

Here's the thing. This whole Halloween week was nuts. It was fun but I am exhausted. We had zero trick or treaters this year so in the last three hours I've eaten a cord of peanut M&M's and I'm having difficulty focusing. God bless the time change, I really need the extra hour.

I can't make a decision so I'm giving you a choice for today's links and really, you can't go wrong with any of them.

This one is elegant in only the way a cat playing the piano with an orchestra could be and is giving my husband ideas about a new hobby for Pearl.

This one is an ad for your next favorite pair of jeans with an awesome smooth jazz soundtrack.

This one is the queen of Canada performing shocking new wave duets.

Enjoy. I'm "falling back" into bed. (See what I did there?) So sleepy.