Monday, July 15, 2013

A Cry For Help

In 2005, we joined Costco. Mr. Rosenberg and I were handed the membership cards with our smeary, pixilated, fun house portraits on the back and we were in. Never mind that the cards read Jeffrey and Lisa “Rosenford,” they still worked.

On our first visit, Mr. Rosenberg’s first time to a big box store of any kind, he purchased a small pallet of underpants, a mega-jar of vitamins of dubious origin, and a trio of giant squeeze bottles of French’s mustard that would move with us to three separate addresses before we disposed of them. He veered from free sample tables to Breville Juice Fountain demos with joyful enthusiasm.

I was no better. I found it impossible to get out of there without experiencing what I’ve heard referred to as “the hundred dollar entrance fee.” I would enter with a small, solid list and exit with more than a hundred dollars worth of coffee table books, gallons of Kirkwood chicken salad, and family teeth whitening systems.

Some time in 2007, I let our membership lapse. The pressure of trying not to spend money in the warehouse of all-the-things-I-didn’t-know-I-wanted was too hard. Friends and family took their own trips to Costco and were kind enough to fill our needs for baby wipes and kitchen garbage bags: all the merchandise we ever really needed in the first place.

And then, I became a soccer mom. I suddenly had an actual need for cases of string cheese and oranges by the gross. Last week, it happened. I reactivated our membership. I posed for another scary black teeth clown photo and was handed a new membership card. If you see me wandering the aisles with a glazed look in my eye, please remove the snow tires from my cart. The Rosenfords are back.


  1. This is hysterical and I can completely relate. Hey! The organic quinoa is such a deal!

  2. God, I've missed the Rosenfords and their 50-gallon drums of salty snacks.

    Welcome back!


    1. Those 50-gallon drums can double as end tables! xo

  3. You might need the snow tires. YOU MIGHT NEED THEM! Better to be safe than sorry. And? They're on sale.

    1. I know! Snow in southern California. Could happen! xo

  4. Once, I managed to get out of there spending LESS THAN $40!

    I've been talking about it for two years.

    I am not kidding.

  5. You are officially a Costco Master! xo

  6. We have a Costco membership primarily for gas. But then we buy bags of carrots and crates of croissants, and just like everyone else, we're hooked.

  7. Me = same. That's why I have my bestest friend and food club member who can get me all our family ever needs...Hormel's 72 slice package of ready-to-eat bacon. ;-)

  8. The thing about warehouse shopping is this: I just need one new pair of underwear, not 300.


  9. You so need to read the late, great Erma Bombeck's take on warehouse stores. You would relate.

  10. I miss Costco so much! All we have is Sam's. That Kirkland peanut butter is SO good! ;)

  11. Hi, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one
    and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam comments?
    If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can recommend?
    I get so much lately it's driving me mad so any
    assistance is very much appreciated.

    My blog post; شركة تنظيف شقق بالرياض

  12. Have you ever considered about including a little bit more
    than just your articles? I mean, what you say is valuable and everything.
    Nevertheless think of if you added some great pictures or videos to give your
    posts more, "pop"! Your content is excellent but with pics and videos, this site could
    undeniably be one of the best in its niche. Wonderful

    Feel free to visit my weblog - concrete staining Palmetto Fl.

  13. Did not thought about this until now :)Yacon Syrup Extract inhibits the pancreas from breaking down starch into
    maltose and dextrin. It also stops the generation of alpha-amylase digestive enzymes in the entire body.
    Physicians often advocate this to their patients who are diabetic patients because
    the Yacon Syrup stops the development of alpha-glucosidase located in the
    digestive system from remodeling disaccharides and starches into sugar.
    Yacon Syrup benefits also prevents sugar and carbohydrates from transforming into extra extra fat by ending the generation of citrate lyase.
    Some physicians use Garcinia as a laxative to help with congestion or other health functions such as
    fat burning, stress reliever, panic attack, changes in mood and as a help to acquiring a great night sleep.

    Take a look at my web page: pure yacon syrup extract

  14. Simply wish to say your article is as astonishing.
    The clarity in your post is just excellent and i could assume you are
    an expert on this subject. Well with your permission let me to grab your
    feed to keep up to date with forthcoming post.
    Thanks a million and please carry on the enjoyable work.

    My site :: Sage Recovery Center,,

  15. If you want to get the latest news about finance, or other interesting info please visit our website, Visit here,,,!!!!