Unsolicited Feedback

"Mom? What did you just call that driver in the blue car?"

"I think you heard what I called him, Bob."

"You really need to be less colorful with your language, Mom."

Luck is Luck is Luck

"Hey, Bob. Look at that tiny rainbow. It's just on that one cloud. I've never seen one like that before."

"Whoa. I'm taking a picture. Do you think a tiny rainbow only gives a tiny bit of luck?"

"What do you think?"

"I don't think it matters if it's big or small or medium - the good luck is all the same."

Realization

"Mom? I realized something. If you don't like tacos, then you're not really a person."

Me and Mr. R

"I don't know what band this is we're listening to but this drummer sounds like you."

"It'a not me but the drummer is the guy I bought my drums from."

"That's weird."

"That is weird."

I'm a Loaner Dottie, a Rebel

Don't be alarmed, I haven't given up on the station wagon, she's just in the shop for a few days. This sweet 90s era Volvo 240 sedan in our driveway is a loaner from the mechanic. 

If you've been following me for awhile, you may remember my old car,  The Democrat. Driving this blue guy around town made me miss my old brown 4-door. Today, in memory of The Democrat, I listened to some Fiona Apple really loud on the freeway. Maybe tomorrow I'll really turn up the 90s with Livin La Vida Loca and Genie In a Bottle. 

No, I won't. 

Penalties

"Mom? Did you see that sign? If you get caught texting while you drive, it costs one hundred sixty-one dollars."

"I don't text while I'm driving."

"I know. It's super expensive."

"And dangerous."

"Yeah, when I learn to drive, if I ever text while I'm driving I'm going to go straight to the police station and give them the money. I would have to give myself a consequence 'cause you can't just go around doing that. Plus I can't afford it because I've only got twenty-eight dollars and seventeen cents and I'm spending that on college... and Legos."

Call the Mechanic

"Did you hear that, Bob?"

"The station wagon is making a weird noise."

"Darn. It is."

"Yeah, it's like this car is a giant butt on wheels and it's letting out a -"

"Do not finish that sentence, Bob Rosenberg."

"I speak only the truth, Mom."

Finally, a Fan

"Hi, Cameron! You can throw your baseball bag in the back of the car and then hop in with Bob. We're running a few minutes behind for practice."

"Okay.Wow, Bob! Your mom's car is cool!"

"Are you kidding?"

"No, Bob. It's really cool!"

"Cameron, you are my favorite person of the hour."

"Thanks, Bob's mom."

Honesty

"Mom, today we were talking about cursing in my class."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, and Mrs. Wilson asked us to raise our hands if our moms used curse words when they drive in the car."

"You didn't raise your hand did you?"

"Mom! Of course I did!"

My Ride

"You know, Mom? When we drive by, people just stare at this car."

"That's because it's a classic, Bob."

"It's because it's a monstrosity."

"First of all, how dare you. Second of all, this car is a thing of beauty."

"It's all scratched up and old."

"It has lived. It has stories to tell."

"It's practically dead."

"Completely untrue. It has a lot of life in it. Could a dead car drive your butt to school?"

"I guess not."

"Shall we roll down the windows and show these people at drop off how good an in-dash cassette player can sound?"

"Oh my gosh, Mom. Please no!"

"Say, 'I love the car!'"

"Mom!"

"Say it."

"Okay, okay! I love the car!"

"Have a great day, Honey."

"You're weird."

Monday Morning

"Seatbelt on, Bob?"

"Yeah."

"It's Monday! You know what that means?!"

"You wear sunglasses all day even inside?"

"Possibly! But no, I'm talking about the other thing!"

"Oh, right. Where you do a list of stuff and I repeat it. Do we have to do that?"

"I will learn a lot of stuff this week!"

"I will learn a lot of stuff this week."

"I will be kind and stand up for the little guy!"

"Which little guy?"

"Any little guy! And I will have fun!"

"I will have fun. Mom? Did you put pretzel sticks in my lunch?"

"Yes! And the last thing! You know what it is!"

"Be The Awesome?"

"That's right! Be The Awesome!"

"Okay, but mom can you not be so loud when we get to the drop off line?"

"Say it for me, Bob!"

"I'll be The Awesome."

Yuletide Carols

"Oh, Mom! Turn this up! It's my favorite Christmas song. What's it called?"

"It's called 'The Christmas Song.'"

"Seriously?"

"Yep."

"Who's singing?"

"Nat King Cole. His is the best version."

"Mom? I think we should listen to Christmas music in the car everyday until Christmas."

"I think so too."

"Except when we're in the drop-off line at school, we can turn it off then."

"I was planning on rolling all the windows down and singing along for everyone in the drop-off line."

"Oh my gosh, Mom. Please. No. Please."

How'd That Happen?

"Did you see that car, you guys? It had a 2016 sticker on it. I wonder how that happened?"

"The guy went into the future and brought his car, got the sticker and then brought it back to 2015."

"Oh, yeah!"

"Obviously."

"Obviously."

Drop-Off Talk

"Mom? Remember how I used to want a brother or sister?"

"I do."

"Well, I've decided a couple of reasons I'm glad I don't."

"Like what?"

"Like, I don't have to share as much."

"What else?"

"That's pretty much it. That's a good one though."

Wash Me

 
"Jeff? Honey, do you have time to take the station wagon to get washed tomorrow?"

"Does it have to be tomorrow?"

"I keep having to go to the west side to places where I have to valet park."

"So?'

"The car's such a wreck, I just know one of these days when I go to tip the guy, he's going to feel sorry for me and give me the money back."

"Got it."

Just No

"Mom is that rock and roll on the radio?"

"Yes, it is."

"What band is it?"

"The band is called The Who."

"What?"

"The Who."

"Who?"

"I'm not going to do this."

The Passengers

photo

 "Are you guys all buckled up back there?"

"Yes, Bob's Mom."

"How about you, Bob?"

"I'm good to go, Mom... People? Please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times."

A Close One

"How long until we're home, Dad?"

"We'll be home in a couple of minutes."

"Hey, Dad?"

"Hold on that guy's not stopping that guy's not ---"

"Dad!"

"Whoa."

"That was a close one."

"Yeah, that guy was on his cell phone and blew right through the stop sign."

"You're a good driver, Dad."

"Thanks, Pal."

"Fifty points to Gryffindor."

It Was a Monday

"Mom? Why did you stop? Why are you talking to that policeman?"

"He pulled us over for having expired registration."

"Why is it expired?"

"Because our fifteen year-old car wouldn't pass a smog check so we had a new catalytic converter put in but then it still wouldn't pass a smog check because we have to drive the car ninety miles to re-set the computer and apparently we've only driven about forty miles so far and I couldn't tell because our odometer doesn't work and also I didn't have our updated insurance in the car and mommy was irresponsible and didn't start this process three months ago when she should have."

"Mom? You have something in your nose."

"Nice. Thanks for telling me, Bob."

"Mom? Where did you put it?"

"Put what?"

"The thing you just took out of your nose?"

Day Tripping

"We've been driving a long time, Dad."

"It's only been about eight minutes."

"Are we closer to our house or Lego Land, right now?"

"Right now we're closer to the house."

"How about now?"

"It's going to take a couple of hours, Bob."

"Dad? Now are we closer to Lego Land than the house?"

"No, but we're pointed in the right direction."

"You should hurry, Dad. All the Legos are waiting for us."