Monday, August 31, 2015

Homework Talk

"Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. When I was at the park, I saw a three-year-old with a mohawk haircut."

"You saw a PUNK BABY?!"

"Yeah, a punk baby!"

"Punk babies are cool."



Saturday, August 29, 2015

Friday, August 28, 2015


"So, Bob? I saw a picture you made on the wall in your classroom. Who's that guy?"

"His name is Mort."

"Is Mort from a story you read?"

"No. He's just Mort."

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Back-to-School Night

Dear Mom, I really hope you have lots of fun. My teacher is really nice. Thank you for letting me go to this school. Thank you for packing me good lunches. Thank you for being a great family. I hope you love Miss Wilson. I love you!
Love, Bob

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

The Review Is In

"Bob? Did you have fun at the vow renewal party?"

"Are you kidding? It was the best night of my life."

Monday, August 24, 2015

The Vows

Photo Lora Somoza

We did it. Last night, surrounded by family and friends, we renewed our vows. We prayed, we ate, and in the Jewish tradition, Mr. Rosenberg and I were carried around on chairs as we all danced the hora. It was wonderful and I have never felt more loved.

My Vows
I promise to let the dog sleep on my side of the bed.
I promise not to take it personally when you add Sriracha hot sauce to everything I cook.
I promise to create a life of shared moments and thoughtful years.
I promise that I will love you.
I pledge to listen to your advice, most of the time.
I pledge not to take score, even if I'm totally winning.
I pledge to always admire your huge, strong, kind, and determined heart.
I pledge that I will love you.
I vow to listen for as long as it takes for you to feel heard.
I vow to stand with you as we watch our son grow to be a man.
I vow to be your cheerleader in the days when it all feels too much.
I vow that I will always love you.

Mr. Rosenberg's Vows
I will always finish the "bottom half" of your coffee when you no longer want it.
I will not ever get up in your business about haircuts or salons even though I never realized how many appointments are required to make this happen.
I will always love your point of view even if it's not (Especially because it's not) the same as mine.
I will never suggest a "couples retreat."
Even though I have a hard time living in the moment, I vow to be here now and to stay in the present going forward, because these moments include you and Bob, my favorite people.
I will always be your biggest fan - prepared to smackdown with your mom over rights to this title.
I will keep all of the happy places we have found together etched in my mind (snuggling with everyone on the bed, the dog beach in San Diego, our first time being in Cambria on the bluffs) and look forward to so many more.
I will always want to take you out on romantic make out dates.
I will always be a loving dad to Bob and get tearful when I think about how much I love our family.
I will accept and return all the love you give me.
I will take you in my pocket with me everywhere.

Photo Jennifer Heftler

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Smacksy Sunday Links

You will be called on to expand.

Ways to practice compassion.

Resolving the mystery of the Mona Lisa smile. Fascinating.

And opossums eating bananas.

Happy Sunday.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Smacksy Saturday Photo: Retro Rosenbergs

2005. I was a bridesmaid in my dear friend Kim's wedding. 
Mr. Rosenberg was in his buy sunglasses at the Chevron mini-mart phase.

Friday, August 21, 2015

Priority Mail

"Hey, Bob! How was school?"

"Are my soccer sticker packs here?"

"So, school was okay?"

"They're here! They're here!"

"Do you think you're going to like your new teacher?"

"Oh, man! Look how many there are!"

"How about your hike with the guys? Was that fun?"

"Look how cool these are! Look!"

"Did you eat your whole lunch?"

"The second pack has a Messi sticker! Oh my goodness!"

"Are you hungry? Bob?"

"Oh, hi Mom."

Thursday, August 20, 2015


We are just waiting for someone to come home from the first day of school.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

The Back-to-School Countdown

"Felix? Are you excited for school to start?"

"I'm sort of happy and sort of sad. Summer's over but we get to see all of our friends again."

"Yeah, but I'm kind of scared about times tables and everything."



"But Bob, we still have one very important thing to do before school starts."


"Epic water balloon fight. We've got a hundred and three balloons ready so far, I counted."

Monday, August 17, 2015

Hey, Mom? Did You Know...

I said good morning to Bob and we did the traditional wake up hug. He then opened with this about his favorite PS4 soccer video game:

"On FIFA, if you buy coins and it just comes with one account you have to transfer the coins by selling the player but it's really hard to do that because there were no price ranges - it was easier to do that - transfer coins between accounts and also you could also sell a bronze player for 15 million and then the 15 million coins would get transferred to your other account."

Hearing the details of his soccer video game makes my eyes glaze over almost instantly. I remember something I read about how if you want your kids to share the "important" things with you, listen to the "unimportant" details as well because all of these seemingly mundane details are important to them. In the future, if I want to hear about the bigger-to-me topics like girlfriends or boyfriends, or moral questions, or even what he does with his time away from me, listening now is the way to build that.

So, come at me with your questions about FIFA trading systems and player ratings. I know about them. I've been listening.

Friday, August 14, 2015

We Have a Key and Everything

"Mom? Is it time to go to Felix's to take care of the Guinea pigs?"

"Sure. We can go now if you're ready."

"What if someone sees us taking their mail while they're out of town and they call the police because we're in their house feeding Honey and Squeaky and then we go to jail? Who's going to feed them this week if we're in jail? Oh, wait. Dad could do it."

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Lookin' Good

"Mom? Am I going to have to get braces?"

"The dentist isn't sure yet. We have to wait and see."

"If I do get them, I'll need the shiny gold thing with the diamonds. What's that called?"

"A grill?"

"Yeah, I'll need a grill. That's the only way they're going to look good."

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Theme for the Day: Wednesday

When I break apart every day, I find a theme that best sums up that twenty-four hour period. Today? We drove an hour to an appointment on the westside. For forty minutes of that ride, Bob entertained himself by making loud fart noises. And that's Wednesday.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

The Amusement Park: A Review

"Mom? I think my favorite part was riding The Silver Bullet, or maybe that other roller coaster where I couldn't stop screaming and yelled, 'Goodbye cruel world!' and that guy laughed. That super swingy ride that you threw up after was fun too, except for the part where you barfed, but don't worry, that didn't wreck anything for me. Panning for gold with that old miner named 'Pappy' was fun. Do you think his real name is Pappy? Posing for the old-timey picture and dressing up like cowboys was cool and that ride in the mine was awesome except it kind of smelled like the inside of the washing machine. My shirt's still wet from that big rapids ride. Do you still have water in your ear from when it splashed up in your face? That candied apple was so big, I'm going to bring the rest home for Dad. And Mom? I'm pretty sure this was the best day ever."

Monday, August 10, 2015


"Mom? It's 5:53! Get up! Today's the day for Knott's Berry Farm! We need to leave! We are going to ride everything and not even barf but I'll probably scream my lungs out! My actual lungs, not even pretend lungs!"

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Smacksy Sunday Links

Ways to simplify your life in ten minutes or less.

You know I like to remind you now and then - be ready for a disaster.

A secret ballroom built in the 1800s lies under a lake in England. Otherworldly.

And a weasel named Ozzy.

Happy Sunday.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Sooner Than I Think

Bob and I were driving yesterday when we passed a tall, teenage boy on a bike. He had dark hair and was wearing the type of gym shorts that Bob favors. I told Bob that it was hard to believe he was going to be big like that kid some day. He answered that he could believe it, but that when he was that guy's age, he'd be taller. 

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

13 Topics Overheard in the Day-Camp Carpool: Day 8

Topics covered by the boys in our 23 minute drive to camp this morning:

Which tastes worse - vomit or canned dog food?

Who has tried a dog biscuit before?

Vomit and how it burns coming up.

Who's socks smell bad and is there a part of the sock that smells worse than the rest of the sock?

How can we get little brothers to try jellybeans flavored like boogers?

Poop and how it can burn coming out.

Poop and how it can feel like needles coming out.


Scary roller coasters that go upside down vs roller coasters that go through water. (Compare and contrast.)

What roller coaster screams sound like: a demonstration.

Frozen yogurt and how much it would cost to get all of the flavors in one bowl at Menchies.

Requests to go to Menchies.

What if there was a canned dog food flavor frozen yogurt and you ate it on accident?

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Crunch Time

"So, Mom? There's only a couple of weeks of summer left and we still have a bunch of things to do on the summer ideas list that I made. I think next week we'll have to go to Disneyland and Knott's Berry Farm, and get clown sundaes at the pharmacy, and make a painting of the batman bridge, and go to Huntington Gardens, and have a picnic at the beach. Oh, and Legoland. We should be able to fit all that in, right?"

Monday, August 3, 2015


"For our sleepover last night, me and Adam asked Dad to tell us a story so he made one up."

"What was the story about?"

"It was about puppies from outer-space."

"Of course it was."

"It was epic."