Friday, June 28, 2013

All Mapped Out

"So Mom, here's the plan: Now that I'm graduated out of kindergarten I'll have first grade then second grade then third grade then fourth grade then fifth grade then sixth grade and seventh grade and eighth grade and ninth grade then tenth grade and eleventh grade then twelfth grade and then college. Then when I turn 26 I'll start my band and then blah-blah-blah famous!"

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Big Lizards

"'... and you can protect yourself from the Gila monster's nasty bite by watching them from a safe distance.' That's the end."

"Mom, now that you read me that book on Gila monsters, can we read something else?"

"Sure. What do you have in mind?"

"How about this one on Kimodo dragons?"

"Why don't we mix it up a little?"

"Okay, then this one."

"'Meet the Giant Snakes?'"


Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Hot Hot Hot

"Bob, what are you doing?"

"I've got my head in the freezer."

"I see that, but why?"

"I'm hot."

"Why don't I turn on the air conditioner?"

"Oh yeah. That might be easier."

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

My Programs

"Mom, why is this show called 'Long Island Medium?'"

"Because it's about a lady who's a medium and she lives on Long Island."

"And she talks to dead people?"

"That's the concept, yes."

"What are those things on her fingers?"

"Those are fake fingernails. They're called acrylics."

"They look like claws. I bet they're really good for grabbing stuff. And fighting bears."

Monday, June 24, 2013


"But Mom, he says he won't forgive me and it hurt my feelings!"

"You guys are good friends, Bob. I know you can work this out."

"He won't apologize!"

"He doesn't need to apologize. You hit him with the ball."

"But he should apologize for not accepting my apology!"

"Work it out."

"Forget it, Mom! I'm going to go lay in my bed. Wake me up in 200 years!"

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Smacksy Sunday Links

This excellent installment of Jerry Seinfeld's Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee features David Letterman and a car just like mine. They are making the old Volvo station wagon sort of cool for a minute.

Fascinating portraits of grandmas and their cuisine from around the world.

And a lovely compilation of dogs hanging their heads out of car windows.

Happy Sunday.

Friday, June 21, 2013

A Hunch

"Hello Bob."

"Hi Dr. A."

"Tell me, Bob. Are you doing any sports?"

"I just finished baseball. I did soccer and fencing. I do swimming lessons and gymnastics and I'm playing basketball."

"Which one is your favorite?"


"Why is that?"

"Well, I've only played once so far but I'm pretty tall so I think it's going to work out."

Thursday, June 20, 2013


"So, Bob when you go to your first basketball practice they're going to be teaching you something called man-to-man defense."

"What is that exactly?"

"They'll give you another player to guard and you shift back and forth and wave your hands in the air like this."

"I don't think I should do that, Mom."

"Why not?"

"That looks really annoying. I don't think I should be irritating the other team."

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

How's Teddy?

He's been licking his paws and panting for seemingly no reason for the past few months. The veterinarian suspected separation anxiety. The timing matched up and we realized that Teddy is mourning Daisy. The vet recommended a special collar that releases a type of pheromone that helps to calm the anxiety. He's been wearing it for a week now. It's helping. He's a sensitive little soul, that Teddy. How's he doing? He's doing just fine.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Nice Try

"Mom, did you know that even though these broccolis look like little trees, they aren't really little trees?"


"No, they're actually flowers."

"I believe you're right."

 "I am right and flowers are nice nature and I don't want to destroy nature by eating it."

Monday, June 17, 2013

Bob Rosenberg: Life Coach

"Alessandro, when we're done with this raft thing, let's go on the giant yellow water slide!"

"No, Bob. I'm too scared of the slide."

"You've got to face your fears, Alessandro."

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Friday, June 14, 2013

Again With the Milestones

"Mom! I climbed the big tree in the playground!"

"No way."

"Yes way and I didn't even have help!"

"That's amazing."

"There are these bumps on the tree and if you get your feet just right on them and then hug the tree really hard like this, you can get up. And then you can jump off into the sand. Watch me do it! Watch me do it, Mom!"

"I'm watching, Sweetheart. That's such a big boy thing to do."

"This is it! I'm totally big now!"

Thursday, June 13, 2013

The Milk Sticks

It was the last day of kindergarten. I stood in the back of Bob's classroom with the other room moms and the two grandma volunteers. I held back tears as we listened to the kids sing Baby Beluga the Whale one final time.

Ms. Vaden stood in front of the board and explained that today, the kids would be taking home their report cards, some paperwork, and their "milk sticks."

On the first day of school, the kindergartners were given tongue depressor sized sticks with their names on them. The children filled in a small self portrait with crayon on both sides. Every morning when they arrived in room ten, the kids each found their stick in a small can and moved it either to the can for white milk, the can for chocolate milk, or the can that represented that they would not be spending fifty cents on milk that day. This was the way attendance was taken and the milk orders were recorded for Mr. Terry so he would know how many milk cartons to deliver to the classroom before snack time.

"Oh, their milk sticks," one of the grandmas repeated with a crack in her voice.

These tiny pieces of wood represented the 180 days of kindergarten. The year our boy started reading and grew three inches in nine months. The year he found Desmond and Felix and Ferruccio and Alessandro and the rest of his pack of guys. The year he found his confidence, his voice, and his love of school.

Next year would mean first grade; hot lunches and homework. They would be with the big kids. There were no milk sticks in first grade.

"Their milk sticks," I repeated. And the tears came.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Nature Boy

"Mom? You want to hear my plan for when I have a band?"

"Yes, I do."

"I'm going to write a song called 'Nature.'"

"That sounds good. What will you say about nature?"

"That I love it. Especially the plants and all the animals. I guess mostly the song will be about reptiles."

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The Last Day of Kindergarten

"Tomorrow is the last day of kindergarten. I learned a bunch of stuff in kindergarten like not to draw stick figures but make the real people. I also learned how to draw things for real instead of scribble scrabble. The most fun thing I did was the field trip to the farm because we got to ride the bus and it was really hot and we did sweating but nobody barfed and it was fun. Also in kindergarten I got to meet my friends Desmond and Felix and Fiorruccio and Alessandro. The best part everyday was the recess part because of the friends part. Next year I'll be in first grade. I've heard it's really hard."

Monday, June 10, 2013

Career Survey

"Felix, what are you doing when you grow up again?"

"I'm working at the zoo. What about you, Bob?"

"I switched from fireman and now I'm going to be selling bugs. And I'll have my band. What about you, Desmond?"

"Artist and I'll be in Bob's band."




Sunday, June 9, 2013

Smacksy Sunday Links

I love this site - snapshots of people in New York with a sentence or two about each of them.

Important information, especially as we head into the summer months.

And a marvelous cat diary.

Happy Sunday.

Friday, June 7, 2013


"Mom, what is this show?"

"House Hunters International."

"So these people are buying that house?"

"We don't know yet."

"They should totally buy that one. The bathroom comes with a free toilet and everything."

Thursday, June 6, 2013

About That Cushion

Remember when our dogs ate our couch? (To be fair, I'm sure those leather cushions were delicious.) That was back in January. I went to see Salvador the upholsterer and ordered a new cushion.

Salvador said it was an easy job and the cushion would be ready the following week. That week came and went, no cushion. He promised the next week. Another week passed and nothing. The next week when I called he explained it might be a couple of weeks because it was taking him longer than he expected to finish another job.

In mid-February, we moved our cushion-less couch out to the garage. Seeing it every day was just a reminder of our cushion failure.

Then it was March. I called for a status update and Salvador told me that the old cushions that I brought in to him to measure had been accidentally thrown away and that he would need to come out to take measurements of our couch. He did. He said we should have our new cushion the following week.

Another week passed. Mr. Rosenberg had become impatient with not having a couch. We bought a new one. I called Salvador again and left a message. He didn't call back. Now checking in with Salvador was just part of my routine, something I did a few times a week, like laundry. I wasn't going to stop now, I had too much time invested in the process.

And then it was April. He had been letting my calls go to voice-mail for the past few weeks. I tried calling Salvador from my house phone. Since he didn't have that number in his cell and wouldn't recognize who it was on the caller ID I thought he might pick up. It worked. He answered and let me know that he was unable to get the fabric I had picked out and that I needed to come back in and make a new selection. I did. He expected to have it done in about five days.

Three weeks later, he reported that he had the fabric, he just needed to pick up the foam. It should take about a week to make that happen.

Last week on my Thursday call in, Salvador said that he was ready to go and that it would be ready on Monday. I waited until Wednesday to call in.

"It's ready," he said.

"No way. Really? You're serious?" I thought he might have me confused with someone else.

"It's been ready since Monday, just like I said."

Just like he said.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Soccer Mom

I thought I became a soccer mom the day I bought my first Coleman folding chair. I thought I solidified my place when I became the team mom for Bob's soccer team last season. I thought wrong.

I just had a meeting with three other women to prepare us for the upcoming summer pre-season and fall season as Lead Hospitality Coordinators for Soccer Region 214. I'm not exactly sure what that means either. What I do know is that there will be calendars, phone calls, procedures, countless emails, and apparently many dozens of doughnuts. This is serious business.

I have arrived.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Of Course He Is

"Marcello! This way!"

"Bob, I thought we needed to get Felix!"

"We can't get him now. Felix is surrounded by a force field."

Monday, June 3, 2013

Change of Plans

"Bob, I'm looking online about our trip to LegoLand. I know you were hoping to stay at LegoLand Hotel but it's almost $700 a night."

"Hello, somewhere cheaper!"