A Word From the Management

I have made an executive decision to keep the mistletoe up year-round. You have been warned.

Seriously

I thought we all agreed this was MY chair.

The Change

There's a pet store on Robertson Boulevard with the unfortunate name, "Many Paws." Say it out loud. You see what I mean. Mr. Rosenberg never fails to point this store out as we drive by, "I'm going through Many Paws!" Oh, how we'd laugh. Until now.

Friends? Many Paws is here.

Heralded by sudden weight gain, mood swings, irritability, sleep disruption, fatigue, hot flashes, and night sweats, the whole glamorous package has arrived. I have always pictured this happening when I was older, meaning sometime in the future, meaning never. AARP is knocking at my door, I hear my prom theme on the oldies station, and I qualify for the "senior discount" on Tuesdays at the outlet mall, but this is different. Now, my own body is working against me. Come on, man. We had a deal.

Yes, I am grateful to have made it this far in life. And yes, this is a natural season of being a healthy woman. Still, growing older is weird and I have an inability to differentiate between hormone fluctuation anxiety blah blah and the good old-fashioned "mean reds." And yes, "mean reds" is an old reference. What the sweet Mary is going on here?

My doctor let me know that because I'm going through the "change of life," my daily multi-vitamin must now be of the"silver" variety. This pleases me not. I suppose you could call all of this an acceptance problem.

I get that change is the only constant, but this change of life is difficult. I have a kid in third grade, why am I feeling like a grandma? I remember graduating from Elle Magazine to More Magazine - for the over forty-set. What do the over-fifties get? The decidedly un-sexy Reader's Digest and a magazine actually called, Good Old Days.

I have always loved the saying, "Let go or be dragged." I know I need to face reality, follow my body's direction and just let go of the youthful side of fifty. Aging does have its perks. The handiest being that the older and wiser thing is a cliche because it's true. I feel wiser and wise enough to recognize that today's now is a good now.

Paula Pell wrote, "I'm going to stop telling people my age and just let my free coffee at McDonalds tell the story." The change has arrived and I'm not going to argue with free coffee.

The First Day After Winter Break

"So, Mom? You don't have to take me to school this morning."

"And why is that?"

"I've decided I want to be home schooled."

"I'd be a really strict teacher and it would be all homework all the time."

"Maybe I'll go to school today and you know, see how it is."

"Good plan."

"Meet you in the car, little lady."

10 Things I Did Instead of The Stuff I Needed To Do

10 Things I did on Monday morning instead of the stuff I needed to do on Monday morning:

Drank coffee.
Watched this Decemberists video.
Tried (unsuccessfully) to find the pee smell.
Drove the long way home from school drop-off.
Drank more coffee.
Bought an X-Zylo Ultra Gyro Toss on Wendi Aarons' recommendation.
Listened to side 1 of Fleetwood Mac's Rumors.
Looked on-line to try to help Mr. Rosenberg in his pursuit of vegan shoes in a size 15.
Thought about who could have anonymously FedExed us 20 packs of dehydrated food last Friday.
Got the Santa cookie jar out of the garage.

That is all done. Okay, Monday - it's on.

Seasonal

"Are we going to the beach today, Mom?"

"We could but it's only supposed to be 66 degrees at the beach."

"Wow. Is that freezing temperature?"

"Seems like it lately, but no."

"Did it get cold in the fall where you grew up in Northern California?"

"Not that cold. It didn't snow where we were. Just fog and rain and it smelled like fireplaces burning."

"Oh. Here it's a little cloudy but it still smells like sunscreen."

He Said It

"Mom? I've decided I'm not into Minecraft anymore."

"Seriously?"

"Yep. I'm just into sports, music, reading, and Spongebob."

"Wow."

"I know. Change happens, Mom."

Haunted Gingerbread House

"Mom, we have to make the pumpkin on here orange or it won't be realistic anymore."

Ask The Dust

A scene from our living room. And this is helpful how, exactly?

Sleepy

A lot of my day is spent hanging out with this guy. He follows me from room to room like dogs do. He will sit patiently, waiting for ear scratches but if they run out, he will demand more. We talk a lot. Rather, I talk and he listens. Except for those times when he points out that my conversation is just barely interesting enough to keep him awake. 

Ask The Dance Expert

"They have incredible technique, don't they, Mom? I mean, oh my gosh. Those turns are amazing. That last couple seemed a little wobbly and she sort of slipped and then pulled some weird faces. But look at that elevation! And those guys with the paso doble? That was really intense. It's going to be hard to vote tonight."

Ghost In The Machine

You guys? When I went to my phone tonight to transfer a photo for my blog post for tonight, the picture I was looking for was gone and had been replaced by three identical arial shots of what appears to be the Las Vegas strip at night. I had the phone on me all day. Haven't been to Vegas since Jeff and I were married there in 2005. My phone, apparently, has an alternate life I know nothing about.

Probably Too Old For This Trend Anyway

"Mom? You're wearing jeans."

"Yep."

"You never wear jeans, you always wear a dress."

"I know. I'm trying to mix it up a little."

"Mom, did you know there are holes in the knees of those jeans?"

"Yeah, it's a fashion thing. They're called 'boyfriend jeans.'"

"So you bought brand new jeans with holes in them on purpose."

"That's right."

"Mom. You know that's really sort of dumb, right?'

The Rosenberg Library

Bedside

I have a book problem. I'm a book hoarder. Before we moved, I went through all of our books and managed to donate many shopping bags full so that we would be able to fit into our new 864 sq. ft. house. We were still left with a lot so when we moved into the new place we asked our wonderful handyman/gardener/carpenter/plumber to make us a built-in bookshelf. We've had boxes and stacks of books in the living room waiting for the bookshelf to arrive for a couple of months. The piles made the largest part of the house still feel like we hadn't moved in yet.

Last week the shelves were installed. I love them. I carefully put in all of our books and yet still had 82 books left over, many of which are in the to-be-read pile. When will these all get read? And I add more to these piles every month. I usually have some books from the library in their own piles laying around too. I'm not a Kindle or a Nook person, I've tried. I like the feel and smell of real words on a page. What do you do, lovers of paper bound books? Is there a rotation process? A time limit on must-reads?

I think I'll have to stop buying books until I've read the ones I've got... except for the ones I'll get for my book club... and my other book club.

My Ladies And A Book

This is a photo of me, my mom, and her mom, my Gram Melva. We took this photo on a Mother's Day weekend trip to Cambria in 1996. If you've had the opportunity to read my piece in the Moms Are Nuts humor anthology, then you are already quite familiar with my Gram Melva. If you have not read the Moms Are Nuts book yet, stop with the waiting. Leave a comment below and I will choose one of you guys at random and send you a free book. I will post the winner on Saturday.

That Would Be Me

Monday morning when I emptied Bob's backpack to get his lunchbox, I found my Mother's Day card.

All About My Mom
by  Bob  :)

A Little Bit About My Mom
Eyes:  brown
Hair:  brown
Height:  5ft7
Favorite Food:  saleds
Favorite Color:  green
Favorite thing to do:  write
Least favorite thing to do:  sports
Thing she is best at:  being my mom
My favorite meal she makes:  posta

I can make my mom laugh by:  joeks
I can make my mom smile by:  walking funny
My favorite way to help my mom is:  folding londery

I love my mom because  she loves me
I love my mom because  she gives me hugs
Most of all, I love my mom because  she is osam

And We're All Just Fine

We had a lovely Easter at our place yesterday. We were joined by some great friends and much food was consumed. At one point, Teddy got ahold of a piece of raw vegan fudge I had made, one of the main ingredients of which is cacao powder. I was then told by my friends that cacao is on the top of the list of things that are poisonous to dogs.

Jeff immediately took Teddy to the 24-hour pet hospital where they induced vomiting in Ted and then gave him something to settle his stomach. The round trip took them less than 45 minutes. Teddy was a little tired but he was going to be fine.

Just so you can say you read it somewhere, following is a list of foods that are poisonous to dogs that I got from the Humane society:

• Alcoholic beverages 
• Apple seeds 
• Apricot pits 
• Avocados
• Cherry pits
• Candy (particularly chocolate—which is toxic to dogs, cats, and ferrets—and any candy containing the toxic sweetener Xylitol) 
• Coffee (grounds, beans, and chocolate-covered espresso beans)
• Garlic
• Grapes 
• Gum (can cause blockages and sugar free gums may contain the toxic sweetener Xylitol)
• Hops (used in home beer brewing) 
• Macadamia nuts 
• Moldy foods 
• Mushroom plants 
• Mustard seeds 
• Onions and onion powder 
• Peach pits 
• Potato leaves and stems (green parts) 
• Raisins 
• Rhubarb leaves 
• Salt 
• Tea (because it contains caffeine) 
• Tomato leaves and stems (green parts) 
• Walnuts 
• Xylitol (artificial sweetener that is toxic to pets)
• Yeast dough

Two New Things

Hi Favorites.

I've got two new things to tell you about.

First, I am excited to tell you that some of my writing has been included in a new humor anthology. I'm in great company in this collection of stories we've written about our moms. Buy a copy or two and boom, you're done with your Mother's Day shopping. You're welcome.

Next, because my new raw/vegan situation has brought a lot of questions and curiosity, I have started a blog just about that topic. I've found that eating raw/vegan doesn't have to be time consuming or expensive and my body is already starting to thank me in many ways. You can follow along as I wade into this new lifestyle at   www.MyRawBlog.com

Thanks, guys. I mean it.

Ahem

"So, Alessandro our car is really old."

"Really? How old is it, Bob?"

"It was made in 1996."

"Wow, that's super old. Well, my mom was born in 1987."

"My Mom was born in 1964 that's why she's almost FIFTY years old, right Mom?"

Back Behind the Handlebars

"Mom? How come you never ride your bike?"

"I'm a little scared, I guess."

"Of what, crashing?"

"Yeah, falling."

"Seriously, Mom? You jumped out of a plane and you weren't scared."

"But I had a parachute and I was attached to a guy who knew what he was doing. On the bike there's just me and the pavement."

"Mom, it's time to face your fear."