Smacksy Saturday Photo: Boy Land

It does look pretty fun in there.

What's Old, Is New

"Mom? Do we still have all of my Star Wars action figures in that box in the garage?"

"Sure."

"Can we bring them in? I think they just got good again."

More

"Good night, Bob. I love you."

"I love you more, Mom."

"I love you more."

"No really, Mom. I love you more. I love you so much that I love you more than already I love you."

"Wow. How does that work?"

"I don't know. It just does."

The Time Machine

"Mom, I wish I had a time machine so I could go back to other times."

"Where would you go in your time machine?"

"Well, for instance, you know, I would go back to when I still had some pieces left of my birthday cake so I could still eat them. I would go back to a lot of fun moments like Sky Zone or all my birthdays. I would go to when we got Teddy and then when we got Max. Back to when I watched the Lego Movie. The times when I met my friends. And for sure when I got my character awards at school because it was just super exciting. I would want to go back to when Great Grandma Sylvia was still alive and I would make a lemon meringue pie with her. Remember that pie? She was so good at making it."

Looking Up

"What are you watching, Mom?"

"It's a speech that Sandra Bullock gave at a high school graduation ceremony."

"Do you know her?"

"No. I like what I know of her though. She's an actress."

"Is she a mom too?"

"Yes. She has a little boy. She seems like a good role model. Do you know what a role model is?"

"Yeah, It's like a person that you look up to that shows you a good way to be by doing what they do."

"That's right. Who are your role models, Bob?"

"Well, you obviously. Dad for math and being a man. Caleb  Johnson from American Idol because he's awesome and always looks like he's having fun. All my grandparents because they're good at love. Morgan Freeman and Will Farrell because they're in the Lego Movie and that's awesome. Teddy is a good role model because of cuteness and he's always happy to see his people. This guy name Notch because he created Minecraft and makes fun games for people. And my friends because I learn about friendship and everything. Is that a good list, Mom?"

Memorial Day

Always and especially today, I remember and thank those men and women in the United States Armed Services (and their families) who gave the ultimate sacrifice.

Smacksy Sunday Links

Some words about contentment.

Eerie photos of the last unknown place in New York City.

And a beautiful school of mobular rays.

Happy Sunday.

Smacksy Saturday Photo: That Brown Dog

He's just so nice.

History Guys

"Bob? You and me and Felix have to go to Egypt."

"Okay, Desmond. How come?"

"So we can go to The Valley of the Kings and see if we can discover another pharaoh's tomb."

"Like King Tut?"

"Tutankhamun."

"Right."

"Do you know very much about the pharaohs, Bob?"

"Not too much. I did hear at Passover that there were some pharaohs that enslaved Jewish people."

"Sounds like a bad guy."

"Totally bad."

Master Spam Theater

Do Not Touch. Hot Set.

As a former basic cable television professional, I know the importance of good lighting, set decoration, and overall production value. It took at least three minutes and an under-caffeinated crew of one (+Teddy) to pull together this chair/pillow/floor lamp/computer/dog situation that I will be using as the studio for my shoot. Aaand action.

My friends and I who have blogs, get an incredible amount of spam comments everyday. Imagine the spam you get to your email about the Ugandan Prince who would like you to claim 400 pounds sterling through his off-shore account, times 1,000. Just deleting these crazy comments is a full time job. In awkward English, our spammers are trying to sell something. Often we can't figure out what that product is, exactly.

Because my friends and I never turn down the chance to look like complete asses on the internet, we have put together some dramatic readings of some of these spam posts. We call it, Master Spam Theater.

Please turn up the volume on your computer and/or phone, enjoy the following video, and let us never speak of it again.

Or click here to watch on youtube.

You will find links to the other readings below from my friends Ann Imig and Tarja Parssinen.

http://annsrants.com/
http://www.theflyingchalupa.com/

Probably Too Old For This Trend Anyway

"Mom? You're wearing jeans."

"Yep."

"You never wear jeans, you always wear a dress."

"I know. I'm trying to mix it up a little."

"Mom, did you know there are holes in the knees of those jeans?"

"Yeah, it's a fashion thing. They're called 'boyfriend jeans.'"

"So you bought brand new jeans with holes in them on purpose."

"That's right."

"Mom. You know that's really sort of dumb, right?'

John Hancock

"Bob are you done with this thank-you card?"

"Yeah."

"You forgot to sign it."

"Oh, okay, here."

"Great."

"No wait! I forgot to put my fart face at the bottom."

The Rosenberg Library

Bedside

I have a book problem. I'm a book hoarder. Before we moved, I went through all of our books and managed to donate many shopping bags full so that we would be able to fit into our new 864 sq. ft. house. We were still left with a lot so when we moved into the new place we asked our wonderful handyman/gardener/carpenter/plumber to make us a built-in bookshelf. We've had boxes and stacks of books in the living room waiting for the bookshelf to arrive for a couple of months. The piles made the largest part of the house still feel like we hadn't moved in yet.

Last week the shelves were installed. I love them. I carefully put in all of our books and yet still had 82 books left over, many of which are in the to-be-read pile. When will these all get read? And I add more to these piles every month. I usually have some books from the library in their own piles laying around too. I'm not a Kindle or a Nook person, I've tried. I like the feel and smell of real words on a page. What do you do, lovers of paper bound books? Is there a rotation process? A time limit on must-reads?

I think I'll have to stop buying books until I've read the ones I've got... except for the ones I'll get for my book club... and my other book club.

Smacksy Sunday Links

Hi.

4 steps to overcoming life's obstacles and live your dream.

Amazing art, amazing artist.

The 100 most important cat pictures of all time. Really.

Happy Sunday.

Smacksy Saturday Photo: The Watchers

These guys.

Today I announce the winner of the "Moms Are Nuts" book! I know it's a little crazy but I love you guys so I'm going to pull an Oprah. Everyone gets a book! You get a book! And you get a book! And you get a book! If you were one of the 20 people that left a comment on Thursday, please email your mailing address to me at smacksyblog@gmail.com and I will send you your own copy of "Moms Are Nuts."

Have a great Saturday.

Smacksy Turns 5

Oh, man. You guys. It's May 16, 2014. This means I have been posting on this blog EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST FIVE YEARS!

High five.

The thought of this sort of takes my breath away. I remember the very first time I hit "Publish" on a post and how terrified I was. Back then, I had no idea that I would have a week's worth of stuff to say, much less five years worth. I soon realized that living with Bob and Mr. Roseneberg and Teddy and Max, I would have no shortage of material. (And of course Daisy and Vi and Pearl, God rest their souls.)

When I think of all the happy that this blog has brought into my life, I get teary. The beautiful friendships, the personal and professional satisfaction, the getting closer to far-away family, the constant creative outlet, the written record of my daily life with my family, all of these things are blessings beyond measure.

Perhaps the thing that has been the most valuable to me is that Smacksy has been an antidote for the isolation of being a stay-at-home mother of a small child. With Smacksy and you, I am not alone. You who read everyday, you who read sometimes, you who comment and email, you who happily lurk, you who I know well, and you who I will never meet - YOU are all so important to me. I have so much gratitude for the time you take to read what I write here. You have all been my chaperones through this five years of life. I thank you.

Now that I've got five in the bag, I'm thinking of going for ten. What do you say?

My Ladies And A Book

This is a photo of me, my mom, and her mom, my Gram Melva. We took this photo on a Mother's Day weekend trip to Cambria in 1996. If you've had the opportunity to read my piece in the Moms Are Nuts humor anthology, then you are already quite familiar with my Gram Melva. If you have not read the Moms Are Nuts book yet, stop with the waiting. Leave a comment below and I will choose one of you guys at random and send you a free book. I will post the winner on Saturday.

Say It Again

"So, Mom? Lately after I say a word, I add the end of the word on to it again. Like I'll say, 'book-ook.'"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, or like, 'chair-air.'"

"Is that your new secret language?"

"No, it's just my new way of being-ing."

That Would Be Me

Monday morning when I emptied Bob's backpack to get his lunchbox, I found my Mother's Day card.

All About My Mom
by  Bob  :)

A Little Bit About My Mom
Eyes:  brown
Hair:  brown
Height:  5ft7
Favorite Food:  saleds
Favorite Color:  green
Favorite thing to do:  write
Least favorite thing to do:  sports
Thing she is best at:  being my mom
My favorite meal she makes:  posta

I can make my mom laugh by:  joeks
I can make my mom smile by:  walking funny
My favorite way to help my mom is:  folding londery

I love my mom because  she loves me
I love my mom because  she gives me hugs
Most of all, I love my mom because  she is osam

Every Night We Go Over The Plan

"Mom? Time for the plan for tomorrow, please. Number one."

"First we get up."

"Number two."

"Then we do morning things."

"Number three."

"I take you to school."

"Number four."

"You'll do school and I'll see you there for a little while because I'm volunteering for reading groups tomorrow."

"Cool. Number five."

"I'll pick you up from school."

"Number six."

"We'll come home and then I don't know what the plan is until dinner."

"Number seven."

"We'll have dinner."

"Number eight."

"Take a bath and get ready for bed."

"Number nine."

"Stories, prayers, and bedtime."

"And then we make a new plan."

"Correct. How's that all sound?"

"It's okay, I guess, but the plan kind of falls apart around number six. We should work on that in the morning."

Smacksy Sunday Links

My friend Nancy Davis Kho wrote a beautiful piece that's perfect for Mother's Day: Here's To The Girls They Were.

I strongly believe the internet was invented to share videos like this.

Reviving the art of smiling. Let's do it.

And jazz for cows.

Happy Mother's Day.
Happy Sunday.

Smacksy Saturday Photo: Egyptian Situation

This is not a shot of Bob at the Best Western Cairo. 

This is a shot of Bob in an Egyptian themed room at Legoland. 

All of the Pharaohs here have giant yellow plastic heads.

Decisions... Decisions

"So, Mom? With my birthday money do I have enough so I can get the Nerf n Strike Elite Rapidstrike CS-18 Blaster and the Elite Centurion Blaster and the Elite Stryfe Blaster? Or should I just get the Rapidstrike and the Centurion? Or do I have enough for the Vortex Pyragon Blaster? I know the Vulcan Ebf-25 Full Auto Nerf Blaster Ammo Box and Tripod with 50 darts is too much money. Or should I just save up for that? Mom?"

Fast Friends

"Bob! Think quick! Best part of today's field trip to the aquarium! Go!"

"Heidi the penguin! She actually loved me very much, you know."

Dude Dinner

"Dinner was so cool, Mom."

"I'm glad you guys had fun."

"Yeah, I really like that me and Ringo got to sit at our own table."

"Was that the best part?"

"Yeah, and that we did moonwalking and made wishes with pennies in the fountain."

"Did you make good wishes?"

"Yeah, a really important one. I wished that I would get married one day."

"Being married is pretty great."

"My other wish was that I would have a really good life. Some more of one, I mean."

Eight

Bob's birthday was yesterday. He is eight years-old. I was feeling fine about this and then on the way to school this morning I saw a boy, much younger than Bob, perhaps three years-old or so, and I remembered my boy at that age, walking in his tiny cargo shorts and sneakers. The feelings came rushing up to meet me and I couldn't believe it's all happening so quickly. He is eight years-old.

Last week, for the first time, Bob decided he'd rather not hold my hand when we cross the street. He's been old enough to walk beside me without holding hands for some time but he always did anyway, it was a habit. A sweet habit that I will now miss. He's is eight years-old and holding hands is for little kids. He's not a little kid, Mom.

I can still feel the weight of lugging my big baby around in his car seat. Now, he is eight years-old and is no longer legally required to use a booster seat. When I picked him up from school yesterday, he picked up his booster and heaved into the very back of the station wagon, "Goodbye forever, baby seat!" We high fived then and oh, my heart.

He is eight years-old and our conversations have become deeper, his vocabulary more grown-up his sentences layered with his philosophies, his very particular Bob-ness. He is eight years-old and he can't wait to share his jokes about bodily functions and at the same time there is a kindness and an empathy there and my little boy is becoming a bigger boy.

I am grateful every day to be the steward of this kid, God's kid, and my challenge to do my best with him and ultimately just not mess it up too much. Today he is eight years-old plus one day. One more messy, dirty, gorgeous, ordinary day of childhood.

Home Again

I'm back from a long weekend away by myself at a blogging conference. By that I mean, I wasn't alone, just not with my family. I got to see, squeeze, talk, cry and laugh with, a lot of people who I love so dearly, talk to daily, yet only get to see once or twice a year. I got to create connections with new people.

I got to meet, in person, two women who I adore, that I have been online friends with since I first started showing up here, and spend a day with them. Everything fell immediately into the easy cadence and rhythm of old friends even though it was our first time laying eyes on eyes each other.

I have been asked many times what happens at a blogging conference. I might answer that there are informative sessions pertaining to the blog world, nice dinners with large groups of women, and an exchange of ideas between likeminded people. This is all true, I suppose, but it doesn't get to the heart of these trips for me. The trips are like family reunions with a family that you've hand picked because they "get" you and you lovingly "get" them.

I return filled up. Filled up with love and friendship and a renewed longing and enthusiasm for my guys and life at home.  And a little jetlag.

Smacksy Sunday Links

40 little ways to find happiness in what you already have.

The world's smallest 3-D printing pen lets you draw in the air. Oh, man but this is cool.

This is what it sounds like when you put tree rings on a record player. Haunting.

And a tiny hamster eating tiny burritos.

Happy Sunday.

Smacksy Saturday Photo: La Gare

I know that this particular shot has previously been a Saturday Photo already, but I love it, so here it is again. Little elfin Bob and his father at a train station in France. 2007

And That's Enough

"Okay, Bob. Beaches."

"B-E-A-C-H-E-S."

"Great. Okay, the next word is - enough."

"E-N- I don't know. I mean I really have no idea."

"I remember learning to spell that word because it's a hard one. When I had to spell it I would say the sounds of the letters to like this - Ee-Nah-Oh-Ugg-Guh-Huh. Like that, see?

"And did everyone think you were crazy, Mom?"

This Ain't No Party

"Mom? I don't really want a birthday party this year."

"Why?"

"I just don't. Can I just have a couple of guys over for a Nerf gun playdate?'

"Sure."

"With pizza?"

"Okay."

"And maybe some cake?"

"Yes."

"And maybe more like ten guys?"