Dramatics

"But Mom, he says he won't forgive me and it hurt my feelings!"

"You guys are good friends, Bob. I know you can work this out."

"He won't apologize!"

"He doesn't need to apologize. You hit him with the ball."

"But he should apologize for not accepting my apology!"

"Work it out."

"Forget it, Mom! I'm going to go lay in my bed. Wake me up in 200 years!"

Treat

"Can I have a chocolate, Mom?"

"No, Bob. You've already had a treat today."

"This day just got sort of bad."

"Sorry."

"Hey, Mom? Why did the chicken cross the road?"

"Why?"

"To get to Bob's bad day."

The Nerve

"Mom, I don't want this."

"You need to eat at least one bite of that squash, please."

"I'm so super awesome and this is how I'm treated?"

It Counts

"Mom? Can I watch a Star Wars Lego video on your phone?"

"Okay, just one."

***

"Mom? I watched one but I have to watch another one."

"No. I said just one."

"Yeah, but I didn't like that one so I have to have another one."

"It doesn't work that way, Bob."

"I wish it did."

"Me too."

Ready or Not

Bob and I were playing hide and seek: I count to 10 and he hides in the closet. This never gets old. For Bob.

"Where's my guy? Is he under the bed? No... Is he next to the window? No... Is he in the closet? Yes. There he is. I found him!"

"You found me. Now go count to ten again, Mama."

"...nine and ten. Where's Bob? Is he under the blanket? No... Is he behind the door? No... there he is. He's in the closet!"

"I don't want to be found right now, Mama."

"Okay. Well, I'll check back with you a little later." Five minutes passed and I returned to the closet. Bob was was laying on his stomach, head resting on his arms. "Hey, Bud. You alright?" He lifted his head and I could see he was crying. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"You never found me."

"I did. Then you told me you didn't want to be found so I came back later," I said.

"You didn't come back."

"I did. Look. I'm here right now." Bob rested his head back on the floor facing away from me. He lifted one hand into the air.

"Mom, please take this booger from me."

"Sure, Buddy."

Persuasive

"May I have one more cookie please, Mama?"

"I don't know..."

"Mama! Please!"

"Come here, Bud."

"What?"

"You know that whining doesn't work."

"It should."

"But it doesn't. Let's talk about this."

"Okay."

"How many cookies have you had already? For real."

"Three."

"Well, three is a lot of cookies."

"Four always works for me."

"That's a solid argument."

Riled

"Mom? May I get another cookie? The coconut kind with the chocolate?"

"No, Babe. You've already had two this morning. You can have another one after lunch."

"But Mom!"

"I said no, Bob."

"Mom! You are making me so mad! I am so super frustrated at you right now, Mom!"

"I understand that you're disappointed but that seems like a bit of an overreaction."

"I am going to throw this towel and kick my chair!"

"Think about it, Bob. Make a good choice."

"I want to make all bad choices!"

"Just like Mama in the 80's."

"What?"

"Okay, fine. And the 90's."