Wednesday, September 30, 2015

The Change



There's a pet store on Robertson Boulevard with the unfortunate name, "Many Paws." Say it out loud. You see what I mean. Mr. Rosenberg never fails to point this store out as we drive by, "I'm going through Many Paws!" Oh, how we'd laugh. Until now.

Friends? Many Paws is here.

Heralded by sudden weight gain, mood swings, irritability, sleep disruption, fatigue, hot flashes, and night sweats, the whole glamorous package has arrived. I have always pictured this happening when I was older, meaning sometime in the future, meaning never. AARP is knocking at my door, I hear my prom theme on the oldies station, and I qualify for the "senior discount" on Tuesdays at the outlet mall, but this is different. Now, my own body is working against me. Come on, man. We had a deal.

Yes, I am grateful to have made it this far in life. And yes, this is a natural season of being a healthy woman. Still, growing older is weird and I have an inability to differentiate between hormone fluctuation anxiety blah blah and the good old-fashioned "mean reds." And yes, "mean reds" is an old reference. What the sweet Mary is going on here?

My doctor let me know that because I'm going through the "change of life," my daily multi-vitamin must now be of the"silver" variety. This pleases me not. I suppose you could call all of this an acceptance problem.

I get that change is the only constant, but this change of life is difficult. I have a kid in third grade, why am I feeling like a grandma? I remember graduating from Elle Magazine to More Magazine - for the over forty-set. What do the over-fifties get? The decidedly un-sexy Reader's Digest and a magazine actually called, Good Old Days.

I have always loved the saying, "Let go or be dragged." I know I need to face reality, follow my body's direction and just let go of the youthful side of fifty. Aging does have its perks. The handiest being that the older and wiser thing is a cliche because it's true. I feel wiser and wise enough to recognize that today's now is a good now.

Paula Pell wrote, "I'm going to stop telling people my age and just let my free coffee at McDonalds tell the story." The change has arrived and I'm not going to argue with free coffee.




Tuesday, September 29, 2015

In There


"Mom? In my imagination there's a whole planet full of stuff including a car made out of chocolate and you know those candies made out of wax that are in the shape of soda bottles and they have sugar water in them? The chocolate cars run on those instead of gas. It's pretty awesome."

Monday, September 28, 2015

Coach


"Mom? The coach's accent is cool. He calls us 'good lads.' When we miss a goal he says, 'Unlucky!' He's awesome. I'm totally going to be British when I grow up."

Friday, September 25, 2015

How to Get Me to Work Out in 16 Easy Steps


What you have to do to get me to work out:

  1. You will meet me at four-years-old in Sunday School in San Jose, California.
  2. A few years later, after I move 38 miles away to Clubhouse Drive in the small town of Aptos, you will also move to Clubhouse Drive in Aptos.
  3. You will recognize me on the playground and become my friend and we will know all of each other's stuff.
  4. In seventh grade we will share a locker and get matching Dorothy Hammil haircuts.
  5. We will play identical twin spies in a junior high play called Airport Adventure.
  6. In high school, we will be cheerleaders together.
  7. You will become a dancer and travel the world and I will work in TV in Los Angeles and we will keep up with each other on the phone.
  8. You will move to Studio City and I will live 19 miles away in West Hollywood.
  9. We will be in each other's weddings.
  10. We will work together in television.
  11. You will always remember my birthday.
  12. You will  become an outstanding Pilates trainer and open a lovely Pilates studio in Burbank.
  13. I will show up weekly and hand you a Starbuck's tall vanilla latte and we will chat.
  14. During said chat, you will kick my butt with Pilates and I will barely notice because I'm too busy talking and drinking coffee.
  15. I will be sore the next day and we will still know all of each other's stuff.
  16. You will be awesome and you will be Kim Harris.
Me, quietly cursing while proving I have a core.






Thursday, September 24, 2015

6AM


Ted stares out the window every morning watching Mr. Rosenberg leave for work.