It's Not An Excuse, It's An Explanation

"Mom? You know why I don't always get 100% on my spelling test?"

"Tell me."

"Because if I'm always 100% perfect, all of the girls will go crazy for me and chase me around everywhere and want to marry me."

Lucky Ladies

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"Mom, we need to leave t-ball practice as soon as it's over."

"We will. We don't want to be late to Sabine's for pizza."

"It's more than pizza, Mom. It's dinner with my girls."

One Man Welcoming Committee

"Did you meet the new girl at school today, Bob?"

"Yeah, I did. She really wore me out."

"What do you mean?"

"She wanted me to chase her, so I had to."

Smacksy Saturday Photo: Bringing It

Mia was over yesterday for a lunch date. Bob entertained her by balancing a piece of bread on his face. She was understandably impressed. "Oh Bob, you're so funny!"
Folks? Lock up your daughters. Bob's bringing his A game.

Date Night

Photo We Heart It

We were at Ava's house for dinner. Bob was so excited to be in the presence of his lovely friend that he got a a little frantic, then a little weepy and then passed out. He fell asleep on the couch and stayed there missing the meal entirely. Bob may not be the most entertaining dinner companion, but he is dramatic.

Ava collects unicorns. She has a special lamp in her bedroom that casts rainbows across the wall and onto the "sky" of her four poster bed. Her unicorns are of course, magic. She trotted out the whole herd and set them up at strategic points around Bob to protect him while he slept.

As Bob would say, they very did.

Ladies Man

Bob and I had lunch in a fancy pants restaurant with two of my girl friends yesterday. After dessert Bob whispered in my ear, "Mom can we go to the beach after this lunch?"

"It's going to be foggy and cold."

"That's okay."

"And we're wearing dress up clothes and don't have sweaters."

"That's okay, Mom."

"Okay. Let's do it. We can only stay for about half an hour though."

Bob then raised his hand to introduce a topic into the grown up conversation, "Pardon me, ladies?"

"What's up, Bob?" said Anna. I smiled, waiting to hear Bob tell them about our beach plan.

"Ladies? I am wearing new Star Wars underpants right now. They have storm troopers on them."

The man's got game.

A Smell So Sweet

"No, Daddy! I don't need to wash my hair!"

"It's time Bob. We all have to wash our hair and it's been a few days for you so it's time."

"Not today!"

"You're going to see Mia tomorrow. I bet Mia likes guys with clean hair."

"Oh, yeah. Right. Mia probably doesn't like poo-smelling hair because she's a nice girl."

"Okay, that."

"You can wash it, Daddy. I will smell like grapefruits and clementines. For Mia."

"She's a lucky gal."

The Sensitive Type

Today the Jedi set aside his light saber and made a birthday cake in the sandbox and sang Hickory Dickory Dock, acapella. Yes, a girl was involved.

More Ways To Impress the Junior High Girls By Bob Rosenberg

1. Notice that the junior high girls on our block are on their bikes riding around through the big rain puddle in front of the house.

2. Stand on the back of the couch and yell, "My girls! My girls!" while pounding on the window with your fists.

3. Get frustrated when Mama tells you that it's bad manners to press yourself against the window when you are not wearing your pajama pants or underpants or any pants.

4. Put on pajama pants.

5. Tell Daddy that the girls are turning around in the driveway. Daddy says that's OK.

6. Run onto the front porch and yell, "My girls! My daddy said it's OK to turn around in our driveway! I just don't want you to drive on the worms in the puddle because they will be scared of your tires!"

7. When the girls giggle and say, "Hi Bob!" and wave, know that you have won them over again.

How To Impress the Junior High Girls On Our Block; A Tutorial by Bob Rosenberg

1. Wear the blue rain boots.

2. Go in the super giant puddle in the street in front of our house, while wearing the blue rain boots.

3. Look for worms in the super giant puddle in front of our house, while wearing the blue rain boots.

4. Systematically rescue worms from drowning in the super giant puddle in front of our house by picking them up and throwing them on to our lawn. (Also throw some on Miss Belva’s lawn as a present.) Worms like lawns but not puddles so much because of the drowning.

5. When the junior high girls on our block ride up on their bikes to look at the super giant puddle, wade up to them in the blue rain boots. Present them with two handfuls of squirmy worms and explain that you are a worm rescuer.

6. When the junior high girls on our block scream and ride away on their bikes, it means that they like you.