Another Language

"Mom? Wobuffett is a stale Pokemon. This is what he says, 'Wah-bah-fett!" And he has no brains. And if someone tries to do magna-punch on him they end up punching themself."

"I have no idea what you just said."

"Come on, Mom. Wobuffett is part of Pokemon. It's a video and card game."

"I'm not familiar."

"Wah-bah-fett! Wah-bah-fett! Wah-bah-fett!"

"That explains it."

"It does."

Train of Thought

"Mom? Can you buy books at the library?"

"Our library actually does have a used book store upstairs, but usually you just borrow books from a library."

"Well I think we're going to have to figure out a way to buy The Hobbit. It's long and we're not done yet."

"That's okay. We can re-new it."

"Oh, that's a good idea... also when you cut my fingernails at nighttime I think we should call it finger-night."

Because

"Mom? May I be excused?"

"Yes you may, Bob."

"Thanks, Sir."

"Why are you calling me, Sir?"

"Because."

"Okay, it's time for your bath."

"Can I stay up late, Sir?"

"Nope."

"Aw, Sir!"

Logic

"So mama are you going to drive me the six blocks to pre-school then go on the walking machine at the YMCA across the street from my school and do lots of walking and then drive the six blocks home and then drive the car six blocks back to pick me up after my school is done and then we’ll drive the six blocks back to our house?"

"What’s your point, Bob?"

Everyone Has Their "Thing"

You may have heard me mention my husband's deep affection for animals, specifically, puppies and kittens and tiny hedgehogs and any of the above wearing an outfit. While some guys might spend an evening surfing internet porn, this evening I found my husband watching The Chewing Hedgehog for the hundredth time.

Also caught him here: The Catorialist

He also found live streaming video of puppies here: SF Shiba
The puppies were sleeping. He watched this for a good six minutes, intermittently providing them with voice over.

And of course, the old standby: Cute Overload

If I ever want to see my husband again, I may have to put a parental control setting on Animal Planet.

S.O.S.

Bob has been running in circles through the living room for the past five minutes wearing just red underpants and one sock. He stops occasionally to jump up and down while alternately whining and making low guttural noises.

Finally, he disappears into the bathroom. After a few minutes he calls out.

“Mama? I need you!”

“What’s up?”

“I need you to keep me company. Can you sit on the edge of the bathtub?”

“Sure.”

We sit in silence for a while.

“Everything alright, Bob?”

“No. It wasn’t good.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I think you need to... I think you need to send me a care package.”


Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.