Shh

 
"I couldn't hear you, Bob. What did you say?"

"Nothing."

"I thought I heard something."

"I was talking to myself, Mom."

"Okay."

(whispers) "Tiny toilet."

Fishes

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"Mom? Why can't we get goldfish?"

"I get those other crackers instead because I think they're better for you."

"No, I mean like the little fish that swim in a bowl."

"Oh, because sometimes cats eat goldfish and I wouldn't want Vi to eat them."

"But when I'm older I can eat them?"

"Those kind of goldfish are pets and we don't eat pets."

"No, I mean the kind in the box."

Question of the Week (and it's only Tuesday)

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"Mom? Is Rick Moranis a bad word?"

Say What What?

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"Hey, Mom?"

"Hey, Bob."

"Do I have a Chinese accent?"

"Nope."

"But I speak Chinese."

"You do?"

"I can say 'hello' and 'happy new year' and 'orange.' I learned it on one of my shows."

"That's great but it's not enough to give you an accent."

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"橙的"

It's a Number

"Hey, Mom? What are you? Forty-five? Forty-six? Forty-eight?

"Bob? Why are you doing this to me?"

"I don't know."

Big Ideas

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"Mom? When are we leaving for Las Vegas?"

"Were not going to Las Vegas, Bob. We're going to Texas."

"When?"

"Friday."

"What about Las Vegas?"

"What about it?"

"When are we going there?'

"We're not."

"Never?"

"I don't know about never but not this week."

"Why?"

"We never said anything about Las Vegas. We're going to Texas. We've always been going to Texas. "

"Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"You should consider Las Vegas."

Say Again?

"Bob? We need to trim your nails."

"It's okay. They're not very heavy."

"You mean long? They are long. You've got dragon-lady nails."

"They're long but they're not heavy so you don't need to trim them."

"What?"

"What?"

Wait, What?

"Mom? I love you."

"I love you too, Pooch."

"No, I mean I really, really love you."

"I really, really love you too, Bob."

"No, I mean I super love you for real even when I get mad and say I don't love you."

"When do you say you don't love me?"

"I love you so much, Mom."


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Guys! Tickets are now on sale for the Los Angeles production of Listen to Your Mother.
I would love to see you there. I would.