The Last Day of Third Grade

Still Life by Bob

I know how time works. I know that it wasn't really the beginning of the school year last week. I know last month was May not September. And yet.

And yet.

Owl About Me by Bob Rosenberg

A dream of mine: To become a famous drummer

My favorite school subject is: Typing

My favorite food: Sushi

My favorite animal: Dog

I want to be: A drummer, an architect

My friends: FelixDesmondEmilioRyanAndySamuelBrandonRingoAdamCaleb

My favorite after school activities are: Playing with my friends, baseball, soccer, coding, homework

HOMEWORK? I have it in writing, folks.

Delightful

"Bob? Do you smell something weird?"

"No."

"I think it's coming from your backpack. Do you have something in there?"

"No, just some french fries from lunch."

Ready

"So I can walk the last three blocks to school by myself?"

"Yes, but only cross the street where there are crossing guards."

"I know."

"What if a stranger tells you he needs help finding his puppy?'

"I yell, 'No!' and run in the opposite direction."

"What if a man who isn't dad, Felix's dad, or Desmond's dad offers you a ride?"

"I yell, 'No!' and run in the opposite direction."

"What if a guy tells you he has free cupcakes in the back of his white, unmarked van?"

"I yell, 'No!' and run in the opposite direction."

"Candy?"

"No!"

"Baseball cards?"

"No!"

"What if a lady has the same puppy/ride/cupcakes offer?"

"I yell, 'No!' and run in the opposite direction."

"Do all creeps look creepy?"

"No!"

"Can you do this?"

"I'm ready, Mom. I'm ten."

Third Grade Lit

"So, Mom? Today Randall in my class checked out Moby Dick at the school library. I think it's too hard for him but I'm pretty sure he checked it out just so he could walk around saying, "I checked out Moby DICK." You know? Like he just wants to say d - i - c - k to everyone in the class. There are a couple of inappropriate kids in my class. I think we're probably the most inappropriate class in the third grade."

Good Talk

Felix: I read in a book that a guy dug up dead Albert Einstein and took out his brain and put it in a jar.

Desmond: Do you know that if a car gets into a major car accident its front and back windshield will blow out?

Bob: Look over there guys. That dog is totally pooping.

Well Then

"Go ahead and take a picture of me before I leave for this boy/girl dance party, Mom. I will not be the same when I get back."

Playground Athletics

"Felix! Did you tell him, Desmond?"

"Tell him what?"

"That you played foursquare today!"

"Oh, yeah! I did! I played it!"

"You usually don't, right?"

"No. It was almost my first time."

"And he did really good."

"I did."

"Are you going to play again?"

"Probably."

"I'll watch tomorrow."

"Foursquare is one of my favorite sports. Is it in the Olympics?"

Blue Man

"Did you see the guy I made, Mom? He's got stilts and a six pack and nipples!"

Maths

"So, Mom? Who's going to check my math homework while Dad's in China next week?"

"I guess I will."

"Ha ha ha ha! No, really."

Johnny Appleseed

"Bob? Desmond? Did you guys know that in a couple days it's Johnny Appleseed Day?"

"Yeah."

"Yep. We read about it."

"He planted apple seeds everywhere and he also had a wolf that he saved out of a trap and then nursed back to health. The appleseeds are okay, but the wolf is the awesome part."

"Yeah."

"I totally want a wolf."

Okay, Then

"Are the three of you done with your homework?"

"Yeah."

"I'm done."

"What about you, Desmond?"

"Can you check mine?"

"Sure."

"I mean you can check it if you want to but I'll still have my parents check it too because, you know. It's math and everything. and you're, you know."

Behind the Door

"So, Felix? I got to go inside the teacher's lounge today."

"Wow. I've never been in there. I've always pictured it being all lit up by candles with a big pretend dragon head coming out of the wall and bean bag chairs in the corners and a long golden table with a buffet with every different kind of fancy food. Does it look like that?"

"Well... it does have a table."