Thursday, September 10, 2009

Privates 2

Friday evening, I walked into the living room to find Bob lying on the large ottoman that serves as our “baby-proofed” coffee table. He was naked and thoughtfully caressing his boy parts.

“Bob? It’s just fine to touch your private parts, but you need to get used to doing that in private.”

“I am alone.”

“You are alone in the living room near our front window. That is not really alone and it’s not really private.”

“My bedroom is private?’

“Yes, and the bathroom too.”


“Thanks, pal. Now it’s time to put on some underpants and wash up for dinner.”

“Mama? You need to touch your private parts with yourself sometimes?”

I pause. (Hands spin on the clock dial. Seasons change. Pages rip from the calendar.)

“Um. Well. Yes, everything I do with my private parts is in private.”

I then returned to the kitchen and counted the seconds until Jeff got home.


  1. So very awesome.

    Karen Peterson

  2. I would have turned into a pillar of salt.

  3. OK - I JUST SCREAMED!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I have to go back and read Privates 1. God, I love Bob. And you!!! Gotta go now. Need to check my privates. :)

  4. Jacob, 10 ("and a half" as he reminds almost everyone) was playing with his privates on my bed while watching TV, tonight. Always amazed that "it" changes when played with, I now just yell at them and kick them out of my room. That's what it has come to--they have had a health class and "Dad talks." Just get the hell out of my face, I'm watching the f-ing game.

  5. Same kind of thing happened with my son when he was about four. Something about coffee tables I guess. Bringing that back up comes in handy when they get to be about 13 or so. Threatening to tell friends about that works better than video game removal for keeping kids in line.