Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Never Say Never... Again

Not too long ago, my friend Karen said that somewhere along the way she had become the “fanny pack and visor mom,” something she had vowed would never be her deal, and that after a momentary freak out, she decided that she didn’t care. (She is also gorgeous and if anyone can rock that look, it’s her.)

Since becoming a mom, I have realized that when I put anything into the Never column of my mental list, it creates a gravitational pull on that "anything" that is so strong that it takes just moments for the Never to become a Habit.

Just a few of the things that are Formerly Known as Never:

Refer to Bob as “young man” when I am impatient with him.

Refer to Jeff as “old man” when I am impatient with Bob.

Refer to Daisy as “Bob” when I am impatient with the random barking.

Have a living room/kitchen/dining room/bathroom/car that resembles what it would look like if Santa exploded.

Consider our dog the first position vacuum, and our actual vacuum the back up.

Be on target to finish Bob’s “My First Year” baby book in time for his wedding.

Define sweat pants as “pants” and old string cheese in the bottom of the diaper bag as “lunch.”

Refer to the diaper bag as my "purse" and continue carrying it even though Bob no longer wears diapers.

Abandon the three-second-rule for a two-minute-and-shake-off-the-germs-rule.

Refer to comments I leave on Facebook status updates and my Good Morning wave at our neighbor Miss Belva as my “social life.”

Use Crest White Strips as a stand-in for an actual trip to the dentist.

Like Karen, I too am embracing my new habits/ideas/behaviors. By “embracing” I mean that if you ask me about any of this, I will become extremely defensive.


  1. I embrace all your new ideas/habits/behaviors. Please stop me if you see me in a denim smock at Micheal's craft store looking at scrapbooking items.....I feel the pull....there's a 50% off coupon.

    Fanny pack and visor Mom

  2. I believe you have just doomed yourself to the smock. Can off-brand Crocs be far behind?

  3. Hilarious! LMAO over here. cheers

  4. How bad is it that I do some of these things and I'm not even a mom?

    I should clarify which things, specifically, huh? Otherwise it would seem really weird for a single, childless woman to be eating old string cheese from a diaper bag...

  5. This post is funny, because I totally feel you on the "never say never." One I can think of in particularly- I said I would never drive a mini-van when I became a mom. And now, as we are looking at cars for when ours dies, we are totally considering a van. It is just practical. :)

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