Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Anatomy: 103

As directed by the professionals, we had been working to teach Bob the anatomically correct names for the parts that people usually cover with their underpants. He is now focusing on the differences between the sexes.

On a recent car ride back from Von’s, I heard this running monologue from the backseat.

“I have a penis. You have a bagina. Mama has a bagina because she is a woman, a lady woman with a lady bagina and I have a penis because I am a boy. I am a boy with a penis because I am a boy. Who else has a bagina? Lots of ladies have them and there are also men with penises. Does Daisy have a bagina? I don’t have a bagina because I am a boy. Daisy is a woman lady dog with a dog bagina and she is not a boy. I am a boy and not a lady dog and there are lots of penises out there. Lots of man penises. Daddy is a man and he has a penis.”

As we pull into the driveway, Bob notices our sweet, semi-retired neighbor, Miss Belva, on her front lawn with her Chihuahua, Tidbit.

“Oh! Miss Belva! It’s Miss Belva! Does Miss Belva have a bagina? Does Miss Belva have a bagina? I have to talk to Miss Belva! We should have a talk.”

“Yes. I’m sure Miss Belva does have one Bob and no, you do not need to talk to her right now.”

“Want to talk to her now! Miss Belva! Miss Belva! Out of the car mama! Need to talk to Miss Belva! She has a bagina!”

I wondered how long we could sit idling in the driveway before the car would run out of gas.


  1. OMG you never cease to leave me in stitches laughing......I am actually crying I am laughing so much........I love it. Love it. Love it.

    You are one funny chic!!!!!

    Oh and now you have a new nickname for your ex!!!! The Wombat. Oh your comment was priceless.....

  2. Yup. 3 year olds are the most socially appropriate beings.

  3. Okay, that is hysterical! What a great way to start my Wednesday... Thanks!

  4. so is it totally unacceptable for me as a 45 year old man to be behaving the same way?

  5. My daughter Genevieve had a similar monologue at about the same age, except of course, the anatomy was reversed and she pronounced penis as 'painis'.

  6. that's hilarious but be careful. Keeping Bob in the car for any length of time is no match for his superior memory! Next time he sees Miss Belva....... Poor Miss Belva!