600

Me and Bob back in my ninth month on the mom job

It's a special day.
Today is the last day of the year.
Today is also my 600th smacksy post.
Thank you for spending a little part of your days here.
I am thrilled to spend part of my days with you.
And really? Every day is special.
That's what it's all about.

Resolving

It's resolution season and I've been thinking. Not 4am freak-out thinking, but something a tad more constructive than my usual late night over-thinks. I've come up with a few changes I'd like to focus on around here. Most of the changes focus on acceptance:

1. I will accept that my boy is done with trucks unless they are Clone Turbo Tanks from Star Wars: Attack of the Clones.

2. I will accept that no matter how many adorable Gap Kids outfits the small man has, he will always prefer to wear Star Wars Lego pajamas.

3. I will accept that my days of going barefoot in my own home are over unless I would like to suffer the constant pain of errant Star Wars Legos stabbing into the soft part of my arches.

4. I will accept that I may never remember the correct pronunciation for Coruscant, Kashyyk, Geonosians, and Zunama Sekot but my kid will never forget.

5. I will accept that I will be expected to participate in a minimum of four daily light saber battles on the back patio. I will also accept that I will never win a light saber battle on the back patio.

6. I will accept that Bob's new (Labrador-sized) Imperial AT-AT: All Terrain Armored Transport is just a toy and stop introducing it as our new dog, "Merv."

Can I get an Amen?

If you just can't get enough of me and my resolutions, my new column up over at Main Street this week deals with resolutions of a more financial style.

NMZ

Photo

"Mom? Do you remember that bad dream I had last night about the monsters who were eating me?"

"I remember."

"I'm afraid of monsters and I need you to fall me asleep tonight."

"I will but you know there are no real monsters, right?"

"But there are in my dreams."

"While you're dreaming can you tell the monsters that your dreams are an NMZ?"

"What's that?"

"A No Monster Zone."

"Maybe I can, but it might be easier if I just take them by their monster hands and throw them off of the world."

"Yep. That sounds easier."

Hearts

"Bob?"

"Yeah?"

"I really love you so much."

"Thanks, Mom... Mom?"

"Yeah?"

"I really love Mace Windu so much."

"Yeah."

"I mean a lot."

"Got it."

Worth Every Penny

Photo

Bob made his second annual trip to the 99 Cent Store to do his Christmas shopping. The results were spectacular. With careful consideration, he managed to find an item that was somehow perfect for each recipient on his list...

For Jeff: A pair of aviator sunglasses
"Just like the ones he has but with no scratches!"

For Bajan (Jeff's Mom): An angel figurine holding a small red heart
"She'll like the wings-lady."

For Pops (Jeff's Stepdad): A calculator
"Pops will know how to use this with the numbers."

For Mee Mee (My Mom): A blue vase with a shell pattern around the top
"Because Mee Mee likes the beach."

For Aunt Jill (Jeff's Sister): A compact of assorted lip gloss
"For wearing her make ups."

For Aunt Jen (Bob's Godmother): A green vase
"Because Aunt Jen really likes green."

And for me, his mother...


A pint of Hydrogen Peroxide Solution
"Because it's so super good."

Smacksy Sunday Links

Photo via We Heart It

Here is a Christmas classic by Lenny and the Squigtones from my all-time-favorite sitcom, Laverne and Shirley.

And then a sweet holiday story about a couple and Santa and mistaken identity. Via my friend Michael.

And some post-punk alpacas. You heard me.

Happy Sunday.

Wishing You the Best Christmas in the Galaxy

... and may The Holiday Force be with you!

Santa Claus is Coming... In Through the Patio Door

Today is the last day of advent. Our sweet, wooden advent calendar has been opened every day by my son Bob. The month started with two weeks worth of tiny, individually wrapped Star Wars toys. By the third week, Bob was opening his daily door to reveal little chocolates and his favorite candy: peanut butter cups. This past week's crazy busyness is evidenced by Bob opening the teensy doors to find cash crammed into the little compartments. He will open the last one this morning.

Tonight will find a group of us at my mom's place. As tradition dictates, Bob, my sister-in-law, my in-laws, and Bob's godmother and I will all pile into my mom's guest bathroom. Since my mom doesn't have a fireplace, we will leave her and my husband out in the living room to let Santa inside the house to fill all of our stockings. As we each hold our breath and listen to the sound of sleigh bells and Santa ho, ho, ho-ing his way through the living room, Bob will barely be able to contain his excitement. Neither will we.

And Christmas will begin.

Away in a Manger, Baby!

Apparently these Wise Men arrived via dune buggy. Camels are so year one.

When I came upon this little scene, I was reminded of this little scene over at Jeni's. (I think our boys are soul brothers.)

Home/Work

Reconnaissance Mission

"Bob? If daddy is going to be able to work from home today we're going to have to be very quiet."

"Why is the bedroom door closed?"

"He's on a conference call and he needs some privacy."

"Then I will have to spy on him?"

"Obviously."

"I am good at sneaking."

Super Top Secret

"Mom? I made a super secret passageway for the good guy Battle Droids. No one can see it except dad. Not even Brandon... except also Brandon. He can see it. My dad and Brandon and that's it and not even Jake and Will. Except Jake and Will can see it and Brandon and dad. Also JP can see it but Luis can't except that he can see it too so Luis and all those guys except not Mia except also Mia can see it and Jake and Will and JP and Luis and Brandon and dad. But that's it. It's top secret. And Ringo but that's all. It's a super secret."

Oh... Tannenbaum?

"Dad? Why does Santa have a Christmas tree?"

"For decoration, I guess?"

"But if the tree is for putting presents under and all of the presents are coming from Santa, why does he need a tree?"

"I don't know, Bob. Maybe he gives himself a present?"

"Or Mrs. Claus?"

"Oh, yeah. Good one. Mrs. Claus."

"I should probably just ask Santa."

Smacksy Sunday Links

Photo via We Heart It

My friend Tracey sent me this fabulous Princess Bride light saber battle.

Here are 60 pieces of good advice.

And a blog entirely devoted to exotic baby animals. (Yay.)

Happy Sunday.

Smacksy Saturday Photo: Good Guy Holiday

Someone is dreaming of a Star Wars Christmas. Obviously.

Jingle Bells by Bob Rosenberg

Jingle Bells
lyric interpretation by Bob Rosenberg

Dashing through a snow
In a soap and opens lay
Or the fees we go
Laughing on a way
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Bells on bobs on swings
Making fear-its bite
What fun it is to laugh and sing
As laying on a night
Oh!
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle on a way
Oh what fun it is to write
On a soap and opens plate
Hey!

Rain-ish Man

Bob had five friends over for a mega-play-date. As the kids ran between the kitchen and Bob's bedroom, I realized that Bob wasn't among them. After a quick search I discovered him sitting alone in the backyard with a book.

"Honey? All your friends are inside. Are you okay?"

"Mom I was thinking. If I got one thousand waters on me, would I turn into rain?"

"You want to come back inside with your friends?"

"Yeah."

1001 Words

Guys? Did I mention that Violette is a hugger?

His Dimples, How Merry...

"Mom? George Lucas looks like Santa."

"You know, you're right."

"He has that white hair and beard too."

"True."

"But there's a difference."

"Just one?"

"Yeah. George Lucas wears a watch."

Introductions

On Saturday we attended a holiday party. Bob decorated a gingerbread house with another boy.

"I'm four-and-a-half. I'm Bob. What's your name?"

"I'm three-and-a-half. My name's Lucas. "

"Lucas like George Lucas? The creator of Star Wars?!"

"Um... what?"

Smacksy Sunday Links

I love these birds on a wire as musical notes via my friend Jerry.

I love a clever Christmas mash-up.

I love a happy (Star Wars) ending via my friend Scott.

I love a Happy Sunday.

Smacksy Saturday Photo: More From the Fort

Everyone: Please report to the fort immediately.

Chocolate Milk Detante

"So, Mom? Can I have chocolate milk now? Oh, please?"

"Not right now. You can have it with dinner, Bob."

"Not at dinner! I want it now!"

"No."

"But, Mom!"

"We're going to eat soon."

"Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom!"

"Enough, Bob."

"Does that mean you surrender? You should really put your hands up."

The Latest From Fort 3.0

Update:
Bob sleeps in the fort.
Bob now refers to the fort as the "super hut."
Bob has invited me to sleep in the super hut.
High five.

Dreidel Dreidel Dreidel

Mr. Rosenberg came with us to pre-school today. He folded his 6'4" self into one of the little chairs and told the story of Hanukkah. He read "The Latke Who Couldn't Stop Screaming" and made funny faces and silly sounds at all of the screaming parts. He brought his guitar and taught everyone "The Driedel Song." He sang "Hanukkah, Oh Hanukkah" in a serious key. He sang a blessing so we could hear what Hebrew sounds like.

After he was done, Suzanne, the other mom in class, asked if I had just fallen in love with Mr. Rosenberg all over again. My answer was yes.

Very, very yes.

Fort 3.0

Perhaps you recall our previous forts. Those forts of old were kid stuff. They have been replaced by Bob's Hanukkah present from his godmother. The Star Wars Command Center Fort is, according to Bob, "the coolest, best fort ever on the earth in our galaxy."

The Star Wars Command Center Fort fits inside of Bob's room (barely) and currently holds:
Bob's Star Wars Lego collection
One flashlight
Crumbs from a cheese, mayonaise and bread sandwich
One slightly angry cat
"Gene" the Lego garbage truck driver
One four-year-old child
His mother

*The SWCCF also boasts wi-fi. Obviously.

Fashion Forward

Style for a Monday:
Sweatpants
Bare Feet
Spiderman T-Shirt
16 Flag Stickers Thoughtfully Applied to Front of Sweatpants

Smacksy Sunday Links

We're going old-school again with our tree this year (love the smell of Noble Fir) but here are some lovely eco-friendly options.

This game-changing, bow-tying brilliance comes courtesy of my friend Jennifer.

Here's my latest column over at Main Street.

And 1:47 of cats playing patty-cake.

Happy Sunday and Happy Hanukkah.

Smacksy Saturday Photo: The Alternate

I was going to post a photo of what the living room looked like covered in down after the back pillow of our couch ripped and the dog jumped on it. Instead, I am posting this photo of what the sky in the backyard looked like when I went outside to take a break from vacuuming up three garbage bags worth of feathers.

Have an outstanding Saturday.

Charmed, I'm Sure

Photo We Heart It

"So, Mom?" Did you know The Tooth Fairy and The Easter Bunny live together?"

"Is this a joke set-up?"

"No. For real. They live together."

"Where did you hear about that?"

"I just am knowing it."

"Are they room mates or are they related? Are they involved?"

"They're friends, Mom. Really, really good friends. Forever. And they are magic."

Word

Photo via We Heart It

Bob followed me through the aisles at Trader Joe's repeating his nonsense word over and over.
And over.

"Jack-oosta. Jack-oosta. Jack-oosta. Jack-oosta. Jack-oosta..."

"Bob, that's pretty irritating."

"No, it's not. It's funny. Jack-oosta. Jack-oosta. Jack-oosta...."

"Please stop."

"Jack-oosta. Jack-oosta. Jack-oosta. Jack-oosta. Jack-oosta. Jack-oosta."

"Bob!"

"Jack-oosta. Jack-oosta. Jack-oosta...."

"If you want to watch a show when you get home, I need you to stop saying that word."

"Okay."

"Thanks."

"Jack-oost. Jack-oost. Jack-oost."

"So you don't want to watch a show? You said it again."

"No I didn't. I said 'Jack-oost' not the other word you didn't want. Jack-oost. Jack-oost..."

"You got me."

Santa's Financials

"Mom? Does Santa have a thousand dollars?"

"I don't know, Bob. For what?"

"To buy all the Christmas presents in our world."

"I think Santa and his elves make all of the presents themselves."

"Oh... So he maybe has two-thousand-one hundred dollars?"

"Maybe."

Deep

Brandon was over for a playdate. The guys were in Bob's room.

"Bob? Remember that picture you said I could have that you don't want anymore?"

"Yeah. Count Dooku? I remember."

"Can I still have it?"

"Yeah."

"Can I have it forever?"

"Brandon, you can't live forever."

"Okay but Bob? Can I have it for my whole life?"

"Yeah."

A Sweet Sale

Sometime early Saturday morning (2:38 am), my friend Wendy sent me an emergency email. Sometime later Saturday morning (4:14 am), I read it. Wendy was having a yard sale and her two stepsons had just released their Star Wars collection to be included in the sale. This was serious.

Later that morning (9:10 am), I got in the station wagon armed with a travel mug of coffee. I sped across the valley to Wendy and her yard. She informed me that I had just missed a man with one leg who purchased one bedroom slipper. This was a hot sale with an interesting crowd.

Wendy had set aside the box packed with Star Wars goodness just for me. I was thrilled. When Mr. Wendy came out of the house with the box (9:40 am), it was a Hallelujah Chorus moment. Hanukkah for Bob? Hello. Advent for Bob? Yes. Stocking-stuffers for Bob? Done. Under the tree items for Bob? High five.

I left (10:10 am) with a car-load of magic. In exchange, Wendy had $25.00 bucks and more space in the guestroom closet. It was a morning filled with win. And double win for whomever ended up with that last DVD.


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If you are a twitter type and you're not already following Wendy you should because she is one of the funniest people ever and also she stays up really late. @WendyLiebman

Smacksy Sunday Links

Just in time for your Cyber Monday shopping pleasure, Kristen has a list of great gifts that give back to great causes.

And here are some beautiful Dutch paintings.

And my new Voices of Mainstreet column is up and it's all about how we decorate for Christmanukah.

And thanks to my friend Ted, here is :25 seconds of a kitten riding a tortoise.

Happy Sunday.

Smacksy Saturday Photo: The Day After

Turkey Coma x Two

So Be Good for Goodness Sake

"...an MTT Armored Assault Tank, an ATT Walker, A Clone Turbo Tank, and a Jedi Interceptor."

"Bob? I think we need to go over this again. Just because something is on the list doesn't mean you're going to get it. Santa has to fit a lot of things in that sleigh."

"Okay but I can still tell Santa everything, right Mom?"

"Yes."

"What do you want, Mom?"

"That's nice of you to ask, Poops."

"You like flowers. Do you want flowers?"

"I do like flowers."

"Okay, Mom. I'll let Santa know. Maybe he can make sleigh room."

Holiday Soul

In preparation for Thanksgiving and the lovely crowd we are expecting for the day, we will be bringing one of our outside tables inside. To polish it up, today I did a little touch up painting with a can of black spray paint. After painting, I leaned in to check out my job and hit the side of the table with my face leaving a black paint soul patch on my chin. If fingernail polish doesn't work to remove it, perhaps I'll let it stay. I heard grunge is making a comeback.

The 15 people trusting me with their dinner may want to re-think their options.


Happy Thanksgiving.

Feasts

"So, Mom? Thanksgiving is the day after this day?"

"It's on Thursday."

"I like feasts, Mom."

"Me too."

"Mom? I like feasts so much maybe even more than you."

"What's your favorite part?"

"I like the pumpkin pie part."

"I like the part where we get to be together with our family and friends."

"Yeah, but also the pumpkin pie part."

"Yes."

"But, Mom? I don't like sparkly liquids."

"Got it."

Crafty Gratitude

I am not crafty. I do not own a sewing machine. I do not knit, crochet, or scrap book. I have never felted anything. I do own a hot glue gun but I'm not really sure where it is. However, this week Bob and I did a craft project together. It employed my skills with scissors and a pen. Oh, and tape. I'm a whiz with tape.

We made a Thanksgiving banner for our mantel. I know. Soon, I'll be carving a chain from a single block of wood. Or not. I shouldn't get ahead of myself. Anyway, Bob's job was coming up with a list of things that he is grateful for and then I would write his things on tiny triangles. Bob started with "the world." He then pulled it back a little and added "pumpkins." Next came "school, grandparents and vegetables." "Bicycles and food" made the cut.

Bob ended the list with "I am thankful for chairs so we don't have to always sit on the floor if we don't feel like it because sometimes we feel like it but sometimes we don't and maybe we don't want to sit on the grass because it's wet or muddy and we don't want to sit on the bed so that's why you need chairs and chairs are very, extra, good."

I'm totally digging out the hot glue gun.

Star Wars Thanksgiving

It's the time of year where we buy our brussel sprouts on stalks...



And those stalks become light sabers.

I love Thanksgiving.

Smacksy Sunday Links

In case you missed the Mark Twain Prize special on PBS honoring Tina Fey, watch her acceptance speech here. She is a force of smart, comedic nature.

I would like to spend the rest of the weekend in this little deal.

And you guys? This kitten? You're welcome.

Happy Sunday.

Smacksy Saturday Photo: Quiet Time

Every once in awhile there is silence in the house: Either something has gone horribly wrong, someone has escaped, or this is happening. I like this.

Face Plant

Bob was playing with his friends at the park. I watched as he started down the hill, skidded and landed on his head and skidded some more.

"Mom! Mom!" He was crying. I ran to him and picked him up.

"You okay, honey?"

"Put me down!"

"Okay, babe."

"But hug me."

"Sure. Why don't we go sit down?"

"No but I need you to stay with me, Mom!"

"Don't you want to go get some water and settle down?"

"No! I need to stay with my friends!"

"Are you afraid you're going to miss something?"

"I'm afraid I might miss everything!

He Was Thinking...

"Mom? If I had all of the Star Wars Legos I would be sad."

"Why?"

"Because if I had so many I'd need another, bigger house."

"Good point."

"I like this house."

"Me too."

"I want to hold your hand, Mom."

Making a List

"So Mom? For Hanukkah I want the Star Wars MTT set. MTT stands for Multi-Troop Transport. It comes with battle droids and a separate troop carrier, two blue pilot droids, two red security droids---"

"Bob? I need to interrupt you for a second. The thing about making a list for Hanukkah or Christmas is that you need to know that the list is just things you like, it's not an order. It doesn't mean you will get everything on the list."

"Okay, Mom."

"And you may get a gift that is not Star Wars related."

"That's okay. I like transformers too."

"Someone might get you something that is neither of those things. It's important to be grateful and appreciative of anything someone is thoughtful enough to pick out for you. We need to understand the importance of giving not just getting."

"Mom? Can we talk about something else now?"

"Sure."

"So, like I said, it comes with two red security droids and it also has a droideka."

"I thought we were talking about something else now."

"No, I just wanted you to."

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You guys? I am part of a new weekly column situation over at mainstreet.com. The project is called Voices of Main Street. Every week the folks over there throw out a question to a small group of writers and we each answer it. Check it out and leave a comment over there to let me know what you think.