Monday, July 23, 2012

How to Get That Thing Out of Your Nose By Bob Rosenberg


If you're on the couch and you accidentally put your hand under a cushion and then you accidentally pull out a piece of foam and then accidentally shove it really far up your nose, then you need to tell your mom. She's going to make you go in the bathroom while she puts pepper under your nose to make you sneeze and then the foam doesn't come out. Then your mom is going to try to get it out with one of those squeezey ball air-sucker things that are for baby snots and then the foam still won't come out. Your nose starts to feel bad now. Your mom is going to drive you to see Dr. Bess and in the car your mom is going to talk about all of the places on your body that you shouldn't shove things in.

Dr. Bess is going to look up your nose with a light and then she is going to try to get the thing with a thing but the foam isn't going to come out. Then Dr. Bess is going to talk about all of the places on your body that you shouldn't shove things up. Dr. Bess is going to call another doctor on the phone and then you have to go back in the car and drive to a special kid's nose doctor at a hospital that's just for kids and babies.

The special kid's nose doctor has a bunch of nurse people in the room and puts a thing in your nose-nostril to open it and then uses a little grabber and then he pulls the foam out - bam, easy-peasy. Your nose will feel all normal now. Dr. Nose Doctor gives you a Batman sticker and tells you not to shove anything in your nose or ears and that you seem like a nice guy but he hopes he doesn't see you back in his office again. Your mom will say that Dr. Nose Doctor looks like an acting guy named Jeff Daniels. You won't know who that is but you like the Batman sticker.

You will stop at a restaurant on the way home to have pie and your mom will drink a lot of coffee and call your dad and both your grandmas to tell them that the foam is out of your nose and you will eat the pie. The pie will be good.

66 comments:

  1. I am surprised there is not an entire field of medicine dedicated to the removal of things from small boys' various body parts.

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    1. I got the impression that the otolaryngologist spends most of his day doing just that. With noses, anyway.

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  2. I love the whole way this was told...

    And the story makes me giggle, as if I were a 5yr old girl.

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    1. Thanks, Herm. If I don't think about all the co-pays, it's funny to me too.

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  3. It seems like the pie might be good incentive for more shoving things up noses.

    Said the woman who had to take her daughter in because there was a bead in said daughter's nose.

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  4. I laughed all the way through that. So glad your nose is back to normal, Bob.

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  5. Who knew it would be a 4-man job?

    Glad everything came out all right (so to speak).

    XOXO

    A.

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  6. Sounds like all the important steps have been covered here. Especially the pie.

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    1. For me, pie and coffee are key in any situation.

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  7. I love Bob. I like pie. I am glad it was foam and not a dried CHICK PEA. Long story which did not end with pie. Molly

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    1. Dried chick pea sounds not good. Not good at all. I hope your doctor looked like a handsome celebrity.

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  8. When my son was younger, he shoved a pebble up his nose while at preschool. When the teacher called to tell me what had happened, she said, "I tried to get it out, but couldn't. I even took him to Miss Maria (another teacher), but she couldn't get it out either and she is our expert at getting things out of noses and ears."
    While "expert at getting things out of noses and ears" may not be seen as a marketable skill in all fields, I think at I preschool, that is like saying you have a PhD.

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  9. Absolutely. As a pre-school volunteer, I was "the barf-catcher." Not nearly as glamorous.

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  10. And now I'm humming the old song, "My Mommy Said Not To Put Beans In My Ears." :)

    My nephew once shoved a pencil eraser up his nose. And another boy I knew shoved bean bag pellets into both ears.

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    1. The thought of junk in the ears makes me all ginchy inside.

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  11. Oh, that story reminds me of the baby aspirin up the nose
    incident. A Sunday evening, we still talk about.

    Anyway, a happy ending. Gotta love happy endings.

    OpinionsToGo

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  12. My grandson filled his ears with pea gravel. Ears, plural. He got a ride from the playground in an ambulance; got an overnight stay in a hospital bed because the doctor with the ear vacuum came in the morning. He probably got chicken nuggets on the way home. He was four. Just like him, I'll bet Bob doesn't shove stuff again, either.

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    1. Ear vacuum? Who knew there was such a thing?

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  13. My daughter was 3 when she shoved an earring up her nose. I was very surprised when they had a form for foreign object in nose/ear at the urgent care. She managed to sneeze the cute little mushroom shaped earring out while we were waiting in the room for the doctor to come in. The only time we have managed to get out of there without being charged.

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    1. Anytime you can avoid a co=pay is a good time.

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  14. Why do kids want to do this? I never wanted to do this.

    Auggie stuck a cheerio up his nose and we were lucky: insert water, cheerio falls apart.

    But still? WHY???

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    1. It's puzzling - yet still better than some other other available orifices.

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  15. Hahah. Excellent tutorial on things-stuck-up-nose removal. I will be sure to keep this in mind next time I or someone I know accidentally gets something stuff up his/her nose. Just discovered your blog on Finding the Funny, and you have FOUND the funny, lady. No? Not funny? Yeah, you're right. Someone definitely has made that joke before.

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  16. Yes - A long list of what not to do and then on your to do list should be a delicious dessert.

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  17. I have a boy and a girl but it was SHE who took to shoving pieces of gravel and playground rubber up her nose. I just don't get it. Most kids are obsessed with REMOVING things from said orifice.

    In any event, gross. Glad all is well. :)

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  18. It's icky whether used as an entrance or an exit. Ew.

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  19. And that was just awesome. I liked "to get the thing with a thing." And I'm sure this whole story just took 6 to 7 hours in real life. Thank goodness you're blogging to make it worthwhile. :) Ellen

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    1. Yes, it was a very full day but a sweet ending.

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  20. Oh God. I just went through this with my two year old who decided to stick purple square stickers up each nostril. I was afraid I was going to have to take her to the doctor. Thankfully my husband was able to teach her "snot rockets" to get it out. She walked around all afternoon saying "snot wocket". I'm glad I didn't have to deal with an afternoon of a thing getting out a thing. But, pie does fix most! Glad to have found you!
    Tracy @ http://www.momaical.com

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  21. Just found you through the LYTM link up. My children have yet to put anything up anything but they are SO those kids and just haven't hit the age yet. Maybe if I read this to them it will prevent the inevitable???

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    1. I hope they will hear it as a cautionary tale, not a how-to on the way to get pie!

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  22. oh that is so funny, even better from his POV. I can only imagine how you were feeling, but then you drinking coffee at the end explains it all...LOL boys are crazy, right?

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    1. Boys are super crazy. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

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  23. and if you accidentally stick the batman sticker to a car window and then happen to find another piece of foam under the couch cushion the next day and you accidentally to start daydreaming...

    Super funny. Happy SITS Day!

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  24. Ha, ha, ha! Love this so much! Great job! Happy SITS day! :)

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  25. Oh, how I can relate! My son was the kind of putting things up his nose when he was 2 - 3 years old. The ER nurses knew us by name!

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  26. Love the point of view of the blog. My daughter once came down and said that she was worried she had an M&M up her nose. The conversation was weird. Did you put an M&M up your nose? No. Do you have any M&M's? No. Why do you think you've got an M&M up your nose? I don't know. I was just worried. No M&M up her nose. Go figure, kids. Enjoy your SITS day.

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  27. Eww, I once had a kid in daycare that shoved something is his nose. It wasn't discovered until it began to rot!

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  28. Bob, you tell a killer story. I'm glad your nose doesn't feel bad anymore.

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  29. Been there with a 3-year-old and the crane hook off a Hot Wheel. 'cept we got to wait for it to come out in poop cause nobody at the ER could get it out and then he snuffled it up and into his system. Good times, good times.

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  30. Oh, how I wish I couldn't identify with this. I once had to take my 2 yr old to get a piece of candy removed from his nose. It's in their DNA, I think, to be compelled to shove things where they don't belong.

    Also, pie fixes everything.

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  31. Why does it always seem to be bys this happens to! It happened to my brothers and while my son still hasnt tried it, it's just a matter of time.

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  32. Yep, I knew this one would be funny. Why do we ask why about children shoving things up their noses?? It is a mystery that will remain unsolved! Thanks for the laughs.....the woman at walmart in front of me yesterday could have used this story. She was trying to shove a ball point pen in her daughters' nose to retrieve something....yick. :) Happy Sits day!

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  33. Love the perspective. Love the creativeness. And so funny.

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  34. And you will learn not to stick things up your nose -- it's just that easy.

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  35. I'm surprised I haven't had to do that yet. I have two boys. I'm sure its just a matter of time.

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  36. Maybe Bob was just trying to come up with a new twist on an old favorite...hide n'go seek.

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