Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Me and Pottery Barn


 Pottery Barn catalog, page 17

I will admit I enjoy the occasional spin through the Pottery Barn catalog. The drum-sized decorative votives, the fluffy reading-the-New-York-Times-with-tea-and-scones-on-a-Sunday-morning beds, the abundance of holiday specific tiny reindeer flocked linens, and the color coordinated books on bookshelves that resemble wee ladders, all serve as a reminder of what I might do if the real life of actual living wasn’t in the way.

In the decorator-calculated world of Pottery Barn I will never find the details that speak to me of my actual home. There are no marshmallow “projects” stuck to the dining table, no inside-out pants with the underpants still in them on the floor of the bathroom. The glossy pages are inspiration for an American life that never includes a dirty fishbowl. Pottery Barn dogs, do not shed. Some days, most days, I would like to crawl into the catalog for a moment and enjoy espresso in a tiny Parisian demitasse cup while luxuriating on a Solano Grand sofa.

My obsession with the catalog focuses most often on the kitchen chalkboards charting the PB lifestyle. Reminiscent of Martha Stewart’s monthly calendars, these To-Do lists include tasks like “Learn Portuguese,” “Install chandelier in barn,” “Book trip to Napa.” My own To-Do list is far from chalkboard worthy. “Check dog for ticks,” “Super-glue flip flop,” and “Pay past due moving violation before it becomes a bench warrant,” are specific to my dusty and loud reality.

I love my reality, but a girl can dream. And sometimes that dream involves Gabrielle's art opening and a really, really big candle.




*You guys, this is not a sponsored post.

21 comments:

  1. Pottery Barn sells a dream of a lifestyle. Unfortunately, putting their sheets on the bed and their rugs on the floor does not deliver that lifestyle.
    Oh! But if only it did! Wouldn't that be amazing?
    (You reminded me that I need to buy Super Glue. Thanks.)

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  2. Hahahaha - oh, this is genius.

    So nice to know I'm not the only one with outstanding warrants.

    Rock on with your revived flip-flop.

    XOXO
    Anna

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  3. I think you are on to something. I would enjoy the Pottery Barn catalog even more if they used your list on their calendars.

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  4. Oh man, can I tell you, there's not enough space here for how happy your writing made me today. It was all too wonderful, right down to the "you guys, this is not a sponsored post." Now, see, this, THIS was a real conversation. The kind I miss in my daily life. OH, wait, but I get that. Here. (I love you, Lisa)

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  5. "The drum-sized decorative votives, the fluffy reading-the-New-York-Times-with-tea-and-scones-on-a-Sunday-morning beds, the abundance of holiday specific tiny reindeer flocked linens, and the color coordinated books on bookshelves that resemble wee ladders, all serve as a reminder of what I might do if the real life of actual living wasn’t in the way. "

    Exactly, perfectly said.

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  6. Yeah, I enjoy looking at the Pottery Barn catalogue mainly because it is such a foreign land. I don't even have kids and my house decorations sound much like yours.

    Right now I have a random sock on the bathroom floor (the cat's contribution), jeans in a wad on the floor that need to go to Goodwill but I've successfully ignored for about 3 weeks, and the oddly placed throw rug that is actually there to hide the big ink stain from a pen that got chewed.

    This doesn't even cover the mystery smell I have in the living room right now. I'll bet Pottery Barn world never has mystery smells.

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    1. Ah, yes - the smells. I think the PB world smells of cinnamon and leather. Our signature smells over here are dog vomit and feet. Delicious! xo

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  7. So true. The Golden Retriever on the PB couch in e catalog was genetically engineered not to shed. Having two dogs and a cat mathematically eliminates me from shopping there.

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    1. The pet hair factor plays an important part in our real decor too. xo

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  8. How about this? Just buy yourself a chalkboard and make a list of fictional, artistic events and activities. Hang it right in the line of sight of the marshmallows and underpants, and feel your blood pressure drop.

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  9. You are, always have been, and always will be my kind of gal. This post just made my day.

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  10. I don't get the PB catalog, but your "Coffee" and "Wake Up Here" Pinterest boards kind of serve the same purpose for me. :)

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