Conceptual Bob

Circle by Bob Rosenberg. Ink on Paper. 2017.

Painty

This unknown gal is on a mural on the side of a building at the community center park where Bob has baseball practice.

Or

This is me, wearing a seaweed dress, doing the V-is-for-victory sign after successfully parallel parking (with two inches to spare on either side) in front of the community center park where Bob has baseball practice.

Or

Both.

Thursday Art Class

"So Bob, it was fun to be in your art class today. Those relief tiles are going to be really cool."

"I know."

"Which Greek god did you pick for your tile?"

"Poseidon."

"Why Poseidon?"

"Because he has abs. Also, I like the ocean. Really though, he has the best six-pack out of all the gods."

Mr. Rosenberg of the future? Is that you?

Mr. Rosenberg's friend Jaimi lives in Ohio. She brought her son to a scout meeting at a church in the Columbus area and saw this painting hanging in the hallway.

We have seen Mr. Rosenberg's future and it is wearing a blue sweater.

Art History and Pancakes

"Mom, I don't know if I should be allowed to sit on this side of the booth."

"Why  not?"

"I can see in that painting right there, that lady isn't wearing her shirt."

"That's a copy of a famous painting by an artist named Paul Gauguin."

"But why isn't she wearing a shirt?"

"They're women in Tahiti."

"Okay, but they probably got really uncomfortable sunburns."

Art

"Did you guys see what that big cook guy is holding in almost every picture?"

"Yeah, Felix it's wine."

"No you guys there's wine in every picture."

"What do you mean?"

"See that bowl? I don't think it's full of pasta, it's full of wine."

"Bread. He likes bread too."

"I like bread."

"Me too."

"You guys? That big cook is making me hungry."

Uncanny Resemblance

"Look, Mom. I made me as a part robot, part scary guy in a hockey mask, part ghost."

"Nice."

"I call him Robort 2.0. Get it? Ro-bort?"

Ceramics

"I love that you made this, Bob. Tell me about it."

"It's an ancient Columbian goat sculpture. How did you not know that?"

Paper Boy

"Did you see that one, Mom? That's me, if I was made out of torn paper... and I was just a head... stuck to a wall.

At the Museum

"Mom? Lou the docent asked us all to figure out which piece of art we'd like to bring home from the field trip, if we could. I liked the big blue abstract one. It's super big so if I get it, be ready because we're going to have to move to a new house."

Science-y

"Mom? Last night I had a dream I was with Albert Einstein and he was showing me a wormhole."

"Wow. Really?"

"Yeah. I think I had that dream because the thing I'm best at drawing at is wormholes. Well, wormholes and ice cream cones."

Gallery Show

"See, Mom? The restaurant put up me and Felix's pictures with all the other good art."

The Picture Just Doesn't Do It Justice

Discovered this today on my dresser. I call this art installation, Hans Solo Lego On A Dying Orchid, because, well, you know.

The Project

This:

 Resulted in this:

High five.

For Me

"Mom, I was making this picture of God but I messed his eye up... So you can have it."

That Is Really... Something Else

"Mom? did you see what I made?"

"That's great, babe. I like... your use of color."

"It's black."

"I see that."

"Do you know what it is?"

"A Star Wars thing?"

"No."

"A bowl with a spoon sticking out of it?"

"No."

"A wig-on-a-stick?"

"Mom! It's an umbrella!"

"And it's a lovely one, buddy."

Eponymous

bob
Bob Rosenberg, 2011
pasta and Elmer's glue on construction paper

(It's settled. I'm doing my next business card in macaroni.)

That Guy

"Mom? Who is that guy?"

"That's Saint John the Baptist."

"Is he dead right there?"

"It's a sculpture. An artist named Rodin made him out of metal."

"He forgot the pants part."

"I think he did that on purpose."

"Privates parts are for private and he's in the yard."

"Yes."

"Not private."

Hey, Lady

"Was that big lady alive before, Mom?"

"No, Bob. That's a statue."

"But the statues at the Natural Mystery Museum used to be alive."

"The animals at the Natural History Museum are different."

"Because they are made out of dead animals that used to be alive but now they are dead and statues?"

"Um, yeah? Yeah. Yes."

"And the big lady statue was not a lady?"

"No. A sculptor made her out of metal."

"Mom?"

"Yes, Buddy?"

"She has really, really big parts."

At the Museum

The Triumph of Virtue and Nobility Over Ignorance, c. 1740-50

Giovanni Battista Tiepolo

"Mama, why are those babies falling?"

"They aren't falling, they're flying. See their wings? They're angels. Baby angels are called cherubs or putti."

"Why are their arms up?"

"They're helping, I think."

"Helping the good guys?"

"You could say that."

"Are they happy? I don't know if they're happy with those faces."

"I think they are doing their jobs."

"You call me, 'putti' sometimes."

"I do."

"I don't have wings."

"You do to me, Putti."