Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Hairs

We Rosenbergs (Man/Woman/Child/Canine/Feline) are a hairy group. I could vacuum our home daily and still tread on a thin carpet of fur, even in the tub. I do not vacuum daily but what I’m saying is, I could and it wouldn’t help much.

Consider this, future houseguests: There is always, and I mean always, the classic, suspect hair clinging to our soap. You have no way of knowing which man or beast it originated from or which region of their body. That’s the sexy guessing-game we play at our house. Want in? Ditto for our butter dish. There. I said it.

I have hair of the too long and apparently quite powerful variety. Its strength has been tested. The dog has on occasion, (perhaps mistakenly) ingested my hair. Evidence: We have spied her hopping nervously through the yard being trailed by what appears to be a floating poop. Upon closer inspection (always a good time) we see that the poop clod is actually dangling daintily out of her pooper by one, long, ribbon of my glorious mane. Those strands are strong. That’s just good genetics everyone.

When I referred to the dozen or so large-ish dust/hair bunnies that were found hiding under the couch as a “kitten farm” small Bob promptly started naming the “kittens.” We frown on this behavior.

My gorgeous-genius husband is uber-hairy in the tradition of Alec Baldwin, Robin Williams, and the Geico Cavemen. Jeff will tell you that the disappearance of hair from the top of his head has been inversely proportional to the rapid spread of hair on his everywhere-else. At one point in his late-twenties he attempted the trendy “clean look” with a little overly zealous man-scaping down there. He describes the result as looking like he was wearing a bear suit with a hole in it.

Hairy.

11 comments:

  1. Oh wow! Luckily I'm the only one that sheds like a beast in my family, but my dog has suffered the consequences as well. More than once she's had floating dingleberries hanging from her rear end. Only her response is to yelp and try to sit on my feet. I don't let her. Shocking, I know!

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  2. Thank you so much for the morning guffaw :-}
    Diana, married to a hair-meister too.

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  3. Oi!!!...I almost splat my coffee all over my keyboard with the floating poop comment!

    Perhaps the Rosenberg's would be interested in a lifetime supply of paraffin?

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  4. omg, this is hilarious!!! the vision of your dog running with a "floating poop" is killing me. My dog runs from her farts. Speaking of hair, someone in my apartment building is SUPER HAIRY. I recently discovered both the washer and dryer completely FULL of hair. EEEEWWW!!!

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  5. "No offense," my animal hating neighbor said to me one day, "but I wouldn't eat anything you made in your kitchen because of the animals you keep."

    I'll keep that in mind just in case I ever plan on taking over a seven course meal.

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  6. So kind of her to let you know before you went to all that trouble.

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  7. I once had a similar experience with my cat and tinsel from the Christmas tree… not very pleasant for either me or the cat. Your blog makes me, literally, laugh out loud :) Thank you!

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  8. This is Laugh Out Loud Hilarious! Maybe because we have the same problem here with 2 adults, 2 boys, 3 dogs, and 2 cats. I really hate the hair in the fish tank.... who knew fish had fur?

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  9. LOL!! LOL!!! LOL!!! Gawd this is funny!

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  10. This is so funny. I have blond hair that's waist-length. Every so often I see the same levitating poop and I have to pull it out with a paper towel! Eww!

    With two Australian Shepherds, I've just gotten used to the fact that I will wear fur booties whether I like it or not.

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