Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Doctor Is In: A One Act

Three and a half year-old Dr. Bob Rosenberg has been giving me a check up a few times a day since mid-November. (Apparently he's aware of when cold and flu season starts.) Our doctor-patient dialogue is always the same.

THE DOCTOR IS IN
I sit on DR. BOB'S examination table (big boy bed) waiting. The door to the office (bed room) opens. DR. BOB enters carrying his Sesame Street medical bag.


DR. BOB
It's OK now. I'm here. I'm right here. You are going to be OK.


ME
Hello Dr. Bob. Thanks.


DR. BOB
First let me feel your head.

(DR. BOB place his hand on my forehead.)

You might have a head ache.


ME
You think so?


DR. BOB
No. Not Really. First I need to put this stefrascrope on your heart part and listen with my ears to this sound.

(DR. BOB leans in, concentrating.)


ME
How is it?


DR. BOB
It clicks like a seat belt buckle.


ME
Oh.


DR. BOB
That's good. Now I am going to put on this bird pressure cuff on you and pump this part and that thing moves and doctors do this but not to kids so I don't know.


ME
What's that?


DR. BOB
This is a shot to make you healthy. It won't hurt. It might hurt. It's just a pinch. It's fast.

(DR. BOB rubs the injection site on my arm.)

Now please put this thertempature into your mouth and I can see how hot you are.


ME
How hot am I?


DR. BOB
Not so hot.


ME
Yeah.


DR. BOB
It says you are 10-13.


ME
That seems low. Or high.


DR. BOB
It is good. Now I will put this scope in your nose... And your eye... Open your mouth... Now I have to look in your ears.


ME
How does that look?


DR. BOB
There is nothing in there.


ME
Many have suspected as much. What's this?


DR. BOB
It's a Slinky for doing good behavior.


ME
Thanks, Dr. Bob.


DR. BOB
OK, I need it back now for other patients.


END SCENE

14 comments:

  1. You appear to be under very good care. That explains the vibrant and flowing head of hair and general glow of health that your profile picture shows.

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  2. too cute...always good to have a doctor in the house!

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  3. THAT IS AWESOME. He knows what he is doing...
    The best is the shot. I can hear myself saying that to my kids.

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  4. Dr. Bob! I read about him before! He's a real life saver!

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  5. BRILLIANT. Thank you for making me giggle and giggle. You gotta take this on the road.

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  6. I laughed until I realized Dr. Bob probably makes more than I do with a steady stream of HMO fees.

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  7. Does it bother you that a stranger in Indiana wants to hug your son? He is so cute!

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  8. Is it someone stranger than you, Janet? I take this on a case by case basis...

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  9. Could you find out if Dr. Bob is in my preferred network?

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  10. sounds as qualified as the internist my mother last went to. Actually, more qualified.

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  11. Dr. Adorable.
    Three-and-a-half already. Wow!

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