Monday, February 22, 2010
Jeff and I are in the kitchen putting away groceries. Bob runs in, arms stretched in front of him, his fists clenched tightly.
“I am very flying at you,” says Bob as he hurls his fists into Jeff’s crotch. Jeff instantly pales. “What’s wrong with Daddy?
“Oh Bob, I think you really hurt Daddy. Jeez. He really got you. Are you okay?”
Jeff’s eyes are closed.
“I’m sorry Daddy. I will kiss it for you.”
“Wait Bob, you can give him a hug in a minute. Let’s just let Daddy…”
Bob leans in and head-butts Jeff’s crotch while making a loud smoochy noise. Jeff doubles over.
“Oh no. That was bad and weird. Bob let’s just go in the other room and give Daddy a minute. We have to be very gentle near other people’s private parts.”
Jeff steadies himself with both hands on the counter. He exhales in rapid Lamaze-style breaths. I lead Bob out of the kitchen.
“Sorry Daddy. Mama did you know that now I only like ice cream if it’s all melted and not cold? Where’s my Spiderman guy? Have you seen him? Does R2-D2 have Valentimes in Star Wars?”
From the kitchen Jeff says, "I'm good. I'm good. I'm okay. Just need a minute. Couple a minutes."