Monday, September 28, 2009

I'm Cool Like That

I am watching TV. During a commercial, I hear the water running in the bathroom. I go into the bathroom and remember that I had been brushing my teeth. I then pull the toothbrush out of my mouth.

The 3 year old is yelling, “Mama! Where are you going? This is not the way to the Von’s super market! You are going wrong!” He is correct and why am I pulling into someone else’s driveway?

I discover myself wandering aimlessly across the lawn with a Backyardigan action figure dressed as a pirate in my left hand and a Spring 2008 copy of the Auto Club magazine Westways in my right.

I put down the garden hose “for a sec” to check a text message. Four hours later the front lawn is flooded. (This happens twice in one week.)

I am sitting on the couch. Hear Daisy barking outside. Go to back door to let her in. She is not there. Search backyard frantically calling her name. Try to figure out how she could have escaped the yard. Realize it was actually the neighbor dog barking. Once back inside, I see Daisy sleeping on the couch where I left her.

The shirt I’m wearing is on inside-out, backwards, and I also realize, it's Jeff’s.

I am listening to the phone ring on the other end of the line. I can not remember who I am calling. I do not recognize the voice that answers. I abruptly hang up without leaving a message. I then realize that I was calling my own number to check my voicemail and failed to recognize the sound of my own voice.

High five everyone.


  1. This deservers a high five, a fist bump and hip bump. It's comforting to know that I'm not alone when I go out to get the paper in my backward pajamas and end up pulling weeds.

    I like to blame my attention and memory issues on pregnancy, which would be fine if my kids weren't teenagers. I am pretty sure the statute of limitations ran out on that excuse when they graduated pre-school.

  2. when i first had my son , i thought back to those anti drug commecials you know the one this is your brain.. sizzling in the frying pan.
    and often thought they should have a new one on pbs, this is your brain as a parent. i used to thinkof my self as a multi tasker now i'm just a multiforgetter

  3. At least 75-year-old Lisa won't be in for a rude awakening.

  4. It's adult onset attention deficit...ooooh! A butterfly!

  5. Yes.

    I burned the toaster waffles. Twice in a row. Again.

  6. Oh, amen sistah! I LOVE there too... I blame my adlemindedness and borderline narcolepsy on the children, but I'm thinking it might just be the pot. I dunno. In any case, I'm glad I'm not the only one with a mushy head out there... (And the Digable Planets are the illest and the chillest EVER!)

  7. you're in good company. when are you going to write a book? do it quick before you forget everything

  8. hilarious. that was the best. i was seriously laughing at the end. love it love it love it.