Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Really Super Cuts

Jeff started a new job on Monday. On Sunday morning he decided to trim his hair to make sure he looked tidy for the big day. Jeff usually cuts his hair himself with the aid of an adjustable hair trimmer, resulting in a style we refer to as “The Matt Lauer.”

I was still in bed Sunday morning when I heard Jeff calling me from the bathroom, “Honey? Honey? Bob get Mama, Daddy’s freaking out a little. I’m freaking out. Honey?”

I came into the bathroom and discovered this:

Jeff had attempted to do his hair and had forgotten to put on the trimmer attachment.

“Honey? Oh my God. It’s bad, right? Oh my God. I didn’t have coffee yet and I just wasn't thinking and Jesus you have to fix this. I’m freaking out. I think you can fix it, right? Maybe do a fade? It's not that bad, right?”

In the immediate crisis I was of no help because I was much too busy laughing until I couldn’t breathe. Also, I can trim neck hair but the “tapered fade” is not in my bag of tricks.

“I can’t fix that. You need a real barber.”

“It’s Sunday. Isn’t everything closed?”

I promised I would help, but first I tried to sell him on some new hairstyle ideas.

"The Kanye - I'm A Let You Finish":

Or perhaps "The Ron Artest" with the name of the new company shaved into his hair to show team spirit:

Once I had wiped the laughter-convulsion-tears from my eyes, I set about trying to fix things. While I was attempting a miracle, our dog wedged herself into our small bathroom and squeaked incessantly on a reindeer dog toy. Bob pulled up his new 18 wheeler and his mini-piano and played along. Jeff moaned and cursed a little under his breath. All of this combined to create optimal conditions for concentrating on the job at hand.

As I worked, my biggest fear is that I would leave my sweet, handsome, husband with "The Forrest Gump":

The finished hairstyle was passable and looked like this:

The best part about the new do is that it will have completely filled in by the end of the week. (And I got breakfast in bed and a blog post out of it.)

High five.


  1. You are a hairdressing genius. I don't know how you saved that 'do, but you did it. Mad props Scissor Sister.

  2. Nice job! We're always getting our husbands out of messes aren't we?! They shouldn't call us wives, they should call us superheros. "And do you , Jeff, take her to be your lawfully wedded superhero?" I think it has a nice ring to it!

  3. First of all, you're amazing! I had no doubt this story was going to end in "The Moby". I have been cutting Luke's hair since forever. I did that once. Only one line on the back of his head, not a whole section, but it was still pretty bad because he wears his hair longer. I was able to fix it, sort of, but the real punchline is that I never told him.

  4. Guys are so lucky that a botched haircut grows out in a week. We could be so lucky! I like how the lack of coffee was his excuse for messing it up.

  5. Man, Lisa, "the Ron artest" idea was genius.

  6. I hope the insurance company at the new job doesn't consider this a pre-existing condition.

  7. I know this whole scenario all too well... the freak-out shower cut that Terry impulsively decides on while I'm still asleep, the plead to fix it, and the hysterical laughter to belly ache. The only difference is that Jeff's hair turned out fine. Terry has had to sport a hat for a few days after I'm through with him. We are lucky to have men with rapid growth hair follicles I suppose.

    Congrats on the new gig!

  8. oh my god. i'm screaming. that's soooooo hilarious. you kill me.

  9. HAha! I laughed so hard I just spit my sandwich all over my laptop!!

  10. Lisa, I've been meaning to post to your blog for a while (I read it every day). THIS post had me rolling--it is SO funny! Thanks for the (continuing) laughs! I hope that Jeff is enjoying his new job. You performed a marvelous "save" (no Forrest Gump there). Enjoy your breakfast in bed!

  11. I shouldn't laugh, but I so did. I am super impressed with the final turn-out. Althought the Kanye West would have worked well too.

  12. I saw an amazing Jeff haircut waaaaaay back in the day when he decided that some bald patches would be the perfect accessory on tour with The Locust. I never thought he'd reprise it for the first day at a new job!

  13. Okay, I'm four and a half years late to the party but this totally cracked me up!!! You did a fantastic job.