He Knows What He Wants

Then little gramps said, "I'll just have the regular."

At the Bagel Shop

"You know Mom, when I make a fruit salad it's better than this one because I cut the melon into smaller pieces."

"Yeah?"

"Mom, I can't believe you didn't just call me grampa right then."

Little Gramps Checks In

"Mom? Is the place we're staying at this weekend a hotel or a motel?"

"It's a hotel."

"Good, then they'll have room service."

Little Gramps Always Gets A Box

"Mom? Why does everyone in this place have tattoos? Were they all born in the 1990s? You know, I saw so much graffiti when we were driving. It was everywhere. That's why I don't always like going into LA. It's such a mess. I can't finish this sandwich. I'll be right back. I'm going to ask our waiter for a to-go box. I can have these leftovers for breakfast tomorrow."

Fashion and Stuff

"Mom? Can you get me a shirt out of the drawer, please? Anyone is fine."

"Sure."

"Okay, but not a button shirt today. Not a shirt that has writing on it and no numbers and no shirt with cartoons. Not the kind with the V sort of neck. Just a regular shirt. A regular shirt but not the red one. Not dark blue. Not light blue either. No, not long sleeved. Just regular sleeved. Grey is okay. Not dark grey. Mom? Do you want me to just pick it out myself?'

Little Gramps Returns

"Mom? Can you buy some pumpernickel bread?"

"Pumpernickel?"

"A pumpernickel toasted with just some butter on it is beautiful."

Day Camp

"Hey, Bud. How was your first day of summer camp?"

"It was great."

"What did you do?"

"We swam and did archery and campfire songs and a bunch of stuff. Oh, and I saw a lizard in the wild."

"Nice. I'm glad you liked it."

"It was good except one thing. It's verrry tiring. There should be more sitting."

Little Gramps, Back Home

"Mom, it would be fun to live in New York."

"Why do you think so?"

"Because then I could hang out with Uncle Dave and Elliot and Damian."

"It's good that you like Daddy's friends but at home you have friends your own age too."

"Yeah, but they're all kids."

Advance Planning

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"Mom, I've been thinking."

"Okay."

"I'm pretty sure I don't want to live in an apartment when I grow up because I don't want to use all my quarters for laundry."

Bob at the Vegan Restaurant: A Review

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"Mom! This is horrible! It's too spicy! This doesn't look like cheese. Is this supposed to be cheese? It's like a pretend. Who would eat here? This seems like a grown up restaurant... Yes, I see the other kids here but I don't know why they are eating this. It's super terrible and yes I tried it! I tried it with my whole mouth! These aren't really mashed potatoes. Where is the salt? Dad? How am I supposed to eat this without salt?!"

Gramps, Get Your Yiddish Together

"Bob, will you please grab your swimsuit out of the dryer?"

"That doesn't sound ko-cher."

"What?"

"Ko-cher."

"You mean kosher?"

"Yeah. What does that mean, exactly?"

"To say something doesn't sound kosher means it sounds suspicious."

"Oh... never mind."

 

Tiny Grampa at the Doctor

"So, Bob? Tell the doctor what's been going on."

"I've been having tummy aches all the time..."

"After checking you out and talking to you some more, I think you need to be eating more fruits and vegetables and getting more roughage."

"See Mom? I told you it wasn't the dairy, it's the fiber."

My Little Gramps

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"Aunt Jen, did you know there's this room at that store that has all these balls in it and it's for kids to play in? There's like a million balls and there's got to be so many germs. Going in there is like asking to get sick."

Red Light, Green Light

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"Hey, Mom? I noticed that all of the crossing guards in our neighborhood are older people."

"I think you're right."

"Do you have to be really old for that job?"

"No."

"I think that would be a really good job for me, you know with that orange vest and everything."

Florida Withdrawals

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"I can't believe we're home already, Mom."

"Me neither."

"Does time go by faster in Florida?"

"Yes, I think it does."

"Why? Because it's fun?"

"Exactly."

The Dig

"Mom! Look at this fossil I found in the sand!"

"That's cool, Buddy."

"What kind of dinosaur is it from?"

"It's not from a dinosaur, it's from some kind of little sea creature."

"Oh. Will you come show me where the dinosaur ones are?"

The Best Parts About Florida By Bob Rosenberg

1. Pool
2. Pilot's wings pin from the airplane pilot
3. Beach
4. More pool
5. Waves
6. Room service
7. Lots of elevators
8. Visiting Great Uncle Abe in the hospital living center place
9. Great Grandma's lemon meringue pie
10. Sandcastles with Pops
11. Mom went swimming in a swimsuit called a tankini
12. Dad taught me how to do an underwater somersault flip
13. I found fossils on the beach
14. I did lots of visiting and hugs
15. I watched a movie at the hotel from my bed. Really. I mean it.

The Return of Tiny Grandpa Boy

"Mom? When was the last time I went to the dentist?"

"I think it was August, Bob. Why do you ask?"

"I thought it was about time I got my teeth cleaned again."

"The dentist will send a reminder card in about a month. Can you wait until then?"

"I guess so." (Sigh.)

Good Morning, Gramps

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"Here's your oatmeal, Honey."

"No, thanks."

"Bob, you have to eat some breakfast before school."

"No oatmeal though, please. I'm feeling more toast."

My Assistant

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Bob and I were at Von's. He helped me load our groceries onto the conveyor belt at the check out.

"I've got to remember to call Shelley back," I whispered under my breath.

A few hours later I sat at the dining room table working on the computer. Bob was playing quietly in his room. He stuck his head out of the doorway, "Mom? Don't forget to call Shelley back."

And then I hired him to keep track of my schedule.