Monday, May 17, 2010

How to Have a Cold by Bob Rosenberg

Wake up really late in the night and walk on tip-toe feet across the house to your parents bedroom.

Stand at the side of the bed by where your dad is and yell super loud, “I’ve got too many boogers!” Then start crying. Loud. Make it really good.

Do not wipe your nose. Let lots of snots fall down your face for more effect on your mom.

Your parents will get up and help you and be worried and then is the part where you can start asking for all of the things you want.

You can get:
  • The TV couch set up like a little bed for just you.
  • As many shows of Max and Ruby as you want even while it is still dark outside.
  • All of the things you eat can be on your Star Wars plate and bowl.
  • Lots of the juice boxes left over from your birthday party to drink, especially the white grape juice ones.
  • Apple sauce for all snacks plus lots of cold cereal whenever you want.
  • The fancy tissues with the stuff in them that makes your nose not be red.
  • Your own trash basket made out of a Von's supermarket paper bag for your snots tissues that you can throw them in there like basketballs.
  • All your Star Wars guys (good guys and bounty hunters) with you on your couch bed.
  • A whole Chapstick tube and rub it over all of the Star Wars guys and make a sticky kind of nice mess and no one will even get mad at you.
Note: You can get more stuff if you have the temperature but you mostly won’t feel like having stuff if you have the temperature. Try to cash in on a Diego stickers book or something your dad will bring home from Rite Aid and you can use it later.

Don't forget to get well in time for your Show and Tell day at school because you have planned out a thing for it and you want to show J.P.


  1. Oh, if that is not the perfect description of a cold.

    You must start Bob on his child's book NOW, before he loses all this perfect perspective.

    Just think about it, it's all I ask...(-:

  2. I agree with The Empress. A series of Bob Books would be so much fun.

  3. Crap! I wish Bob had been around when I was a kid. He's got the angles all covered. I hope you can manage to feel better by Show and Tell day.