Monday, August 20, 2012

Ridiculous Fads I Have Followed In An Unsuccessful Effort to Be Cool

1989 Was a Dangerous Year

There was that time I...

Got a Dorothy Hamill haircut. People thought I was a boy.

Carried around a cigarette because I thought it made me look sophisticated. Klassy.

Sported the Brooke Shields eyebrows. The effect was less Brooke, more Frida Kahlo.

Bought into the bra top fad. I’m a 32-A, so not so much.

Permed my waist length wavy hair. Barely fit in the car.

Safety-pinned extra shoulder pads to the inside of my shoulder pads. You heard me.

Pierced my belly button. It never healed: pus is pretty.

Drove a convertible Jeep for three years. Nothing awesome about speeding down the freeway with a mouth full of flying hair while you’re trying to keep your giant dog from jumping out of the car.

Wore a Blossom hat for an entire season. Fetching.

Invested $8.00 in self tanning lotion. Could have achieved same effect with three hours and an orange highlight marker.

64 comments:

  1. OMG! Love it! The hair that wouldn't fit into the car? Hilarious. And the bra top almost made me spit my coffee out -- but not as much as the spelling of Klassy with a 'K'. Ha ha.

    Were you a casualty of "Sun In?" I sure was. . .

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  2. Yes! That orange-y toned hair probably looked as natural on you as it did on me... xo

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  3. This made me smile.
    I am now ready to face my new 7th graders-- who will have similar behaviors. :)

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    1. Godspeed, Ms. Shafer. They are lucky to have you. xo

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  4. Um yes, yes, yes, yes, yes and yes. (Hangs head in similar shame) xo

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  5. Big hair and pus filled belly buttons are completely sexy. Don't let anyone tell you different.

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  6. One of the funniest things I've read today.

    Oh my gosh, we laugh because we can relate.

    Yes...our pictures could go toe to toe.

    I remember my college Polish boyfriend's grandmother saying, "So much hair for such a little girl..."

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    1. They were dark years... because I couldn't see out from under that hair.

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  7. Spectacular. I did not escape the knickers with striped knee socks that was the super hot look no where except for Judy's in the Cerritos Mall.


    Rock on, my friend, you have always been fabulash!

    xoxo

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    1. Wait - that's not a hot look? *runs to the closet*

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  8. I wore a white blazer and 90210 Andrea glasses. Who dresses like Andrea? In fact, if I can find a picture, I'm totally doing a blog post on it. Because I clearly hate myself.

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  9. Ha! I, too, have a lovely scar from where my bellybutton piercing pussed for a year or so. Pregnancies really enhance it nicely...

    Personal admission: Crocheted lace vests.

    Nuf said.

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    1. Ya know, you mention crocheted lace vests and I'm shuddering a little because I'm afraid vests are back. I was a big wearer of vests in the 90s. I can't go back down that road again. We must take a stand. NO VESTS, homemade or otherwise!!!

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  10. I had a Blossom hat too, and I'm so embarrassed of the (many) pictures of me wearing it! I spent the better part of high school addicted to self tanner, because for some reason all the girls at my school went to tanning beds to get super dark, and I didn't tan at all, so I tried to fit in. It was redonk.

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  11. I'm pretty jealous of your topless jeep, to be honest. I used to wear men's boxers to school. That was our fad in Jr. high. Men's boxers over long underwear. AKA Long Johns (does anyone but me call them that? the thermal ones?) I also wore my hair half up, half teased to the heavens...kinda going for that madonna or whitney look w/out shaving one side of my head.

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    1. The double under pants look is hard core. Props.

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  12. Ahhhh Sun In. Turning brunettes into tiger striped weirdos for decades. Good times.
    During the bizarre baby doll dress fad of the early nineties I decided what would be even cooler would be wearing super looooong flowered frocks...That went on into my freshman year of college. Nothing flatters a short gal more than a floor length Little House On The Prairie dress.......

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  13. Ahhhh Sun In. Turning brunettes into tiger striped weirdos for decades. Good times.
    During the bizarre baby doll dress fad of the early nineties I decided what would be even cooler would be wearing super looooong flowered frocks...That went on into my freshman year of college. Nothing flatters a short gal more than a floor length Little House On The Prairie dress.......

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    Replies
    1. Yes! And quite striking with combat boots or low top cowboy boot shoes, as I recall.

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  14. You're so brave. I have always been painfully boring...

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  15. Oh yeah, the hair is the best one as I did the same....epic hair...cost me BIG bucks to perm, and it was just crazy!!

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  16. In 1982, jr. high, I permed my long wavy frizzy hair. I look back at that decision as one of the most stupidest decisions I have EVER made. More stupid than watching Nightmare on Elm Street 1,2,and 3 at a friend's house and then driving home in the dark by myself.

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  17. I actually LOLed (which is rare for me while reading blog posts!) at the shoulder pads one!!

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  18. Oh, the crocheted vests. I even crocheted them for everyone.

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  19. OMG. My daughter reps "Blossom!" haha! And I tried most of these, but I got a perm on my VERY SHORT hair, and looked just like my Grandma!molly

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    1. Molly - a perm on very short hair is called The Mac Davis.

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  20. I'm confused. When did shoulder pads go out style?

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  21. Why do I think these fads worked for you more than they did for most? Maybe it's because of the GORGEOUS pic you started this post with?? You, my friend, are awesome.

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    1. This was from me. I accidentally posted as anonymous.

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  22. You look like a backup singer for Madonna. I think you look cool. Ah, vests. My low point was my mom pointing out that shorts overalls don't work for me. I also remember a puffy painted stone wash jean jacket. Oh yikes. These are scary memories. Going to go cuddle Lucy. Jill

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    1. Shorts overalls were rad. You are also rad.

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  23. Funny!!! I don't even want to admit to my insanity of the teenage years

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  24. It's like a deep cleansing breath of Love's Baby Soft.

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  25. So great. Especially the Blossom hat.

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  26. Lisa - I finally have gone onto your blog (that's what the kids call it, right?) and have tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard. I need to ad two delectable items: My root perm - which is really appropriate on a white girl working a Tina Turner look, and my passport picture from the 80's where I had my hair cut short on the sides with a big poof of hair down the center a la Brain Setzer, oh yeah the color of my hair was also reddish/blonde - HOT on an italian girl..... Love, Baretta XOXOXOX

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  27. Oh, I also forgot...in my passport photo I also have a razor blade earring in just one ear!!!!! ARGH!!!

    Baretta

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  28. I had a white cotton Ton Sur Ton jacket that was my pride and joy in 1985. It was like wearing the equivalent of three king-size pillows' worth of batting across my chest and biceps, in a lame attempt to give that pumped-up effect to my upper body, in order to offset the cocaine emaciation.

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  29. I'm with you on several of these, sista.

    My worst one was likely a severe addiction to eyeliner. Did you know that it is possible to USE UP an entire almay eyeliner in a month? Do you have any idea how much eyeliner that means I was wearing on a daily basis?!

    I don't think I've finished a tube (stick?) of eyeliner in the past 7 YEARS since then.

    ONE MONTH!

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  30. Love the "Safety-pinned extra shoulder pads to the inside of my shoulder pads." That is the best! Visiting from SITS

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