Thursday, September 22, 2016

Yes, I'm Writing About Being Defeated by a Squash

You are making dinner.

  1. Attempt to cut into spaghetti squash with kitchen knife. 
  2. You are not successful.
  3. Attempt to cut with serrated knife.
  4. You are not successful.
  5. Attempt again with kitchen knife.
  6. Knife goes in half-way and becomes stuck. 
  7. Pick up squash using knife as handle.
  8. Bang squash on kitchen floor in attempt to loosen knife.
  9. You are not successful.
  10. Hit top of knife with hammer driving knife in deeper.
  11. Swear at squash.
  12. Swear at knife.
  13. Wait for Mr. Rosenberg to get home to deal with squash.
  14. No one even likes squash.
  15. Dinner will be late.


  1. Microwave squash for a few minutes first. Then try to cut it and you will be successful.

  2. I throw them as hard as I can on the kitchen floor or drive way.

  3. Hilarious. I think my next step would be to hit squash with the hammer.

  4. Ha, Ha! I think you need a cleaver.

  5. Reason #4,352 that I don't attempt actual cooking. Or knifing.


  6. Just make sure to stab the squash a couple of times to pierce the skin before you microwave or it will explode in the microwave and add to your misery.