Friday, October 9, 2009


The battery operated toothbrush that Bob demanded
but refuses to use because it is "very too loud"

Were you to stand in the street in front of our house, every evening around 7:15 you would not only be creepy but you would also be convinced that this is the time of evening that we reserve for branding our child. Bob reacts to having his teeth brushed as if we are doing it with a minty fresh lit cigar.

In order to get the toothbrush inside Bob’s mouth, Jeff holds him on his lap and I pry open Bob’s teeth with one toothbrush and then brush with a second one, a system recommended by our pediatric dentist after my husband nearly lost a finger to Bob’s baby-pit-bull-death-grip.

It’s a nightly group effort with Jeff holding and soothing, me brushing and pleading, and Bob screaming and screaming some more.

The other night, Bob pulled one of his other old tricks into the rotation as we were trying to get him into the bathroom and did the boneless-legs-I-can’t-stand-up thing that kids excel at. I reacted in my calm, happy mommy way.

“Jeez, Bob, if you would just cut the B.S. we could get this over with.”

“What’s B.S., Mama?”

Jeff smiled broadly from his perch on the edge of the bathtub. Both guys stared at me expectantly.

“B.S. is an acronym.”

“What’s the B.S. for Mama?”

“Well... B.S. stands for ‘Bob Stuff’ so cut out that crazy Bob Stuff and let’s get on with it.”

My husband gave me a high five and a fist bump and Bob found his legs and screamed somewhat less enthusiastically than usual. Tiny victories.


  1. It's the same for us at 7:15 am as my daughter's tortured howels at having her hair brush fill the neighborhood. I'm convinced that one day either a dozen feral cats or a dozen SWAT guys are going to show up.

  2. Yes - hair brushing, fingernail trimming, ear cleaning, hair washing, sunscreen application, and hair cutting all result in a one man riot.
    (My son is a future hobo.)

  3. A little piece of me died when my daughter learned to read and could tell time.

  4. hilarious! what a great laugh! Hillary sent me your way...she thought I'd enjoy your blog. Great stuff!

  5. "Bob Stuff" = Hilarious. Quick thinking Lisa. :)